Stella Women’s Academy, High School Division Class C3 Episode 1 – Any Volunteers to Enlist!?

GUN CULTURE: THE ANIME

Never has an anime been so sinister, so conniving, so disturbing, so indoctrinating that it lead to ANN Editor Zac Bertschy to completely ignore everything that actually happened int the show, and instead write a rambling gun rant, that had little to do with the show he was allegedly reviewing… until today.

UntitledOur grim tale begins as a girl who has transferred into a new all-girl’s school imagines being taken their in a horse-drawn carriage to a magnificent looking school building. Turns out she just in an ordinary bus, the school however is still very magnificent, I mean, it ha pink steps. The girl slowly marvels up the stairs, until reaching the top and seeing the building itself… and it is amazing. She swings her hips up a set of stairs, backs through the halls, and waltzes to the cherry blossom tree garden… and it’s everything she’s dreamed of. She begins twirling around… or imagining she is., and tells her Mother and Father essentially that she will “do her best” and ponders that maybe, just maybe she can change.

UntitledSome other girl crashes her illusion and asks if she knows where the girls’ dorm is – as opposed to the boys’ dorm at the All-Girl school? – the girl is frozen with fear and plays in her hair, until she’s saved by another girl telling the first girl where the girls’ dorm at the All-Girl school is. She thanks her, rushes past our main character and starts shooting the shit with her new best buddy. Our hero makes her way to the girls’ dorm at the… you know the rest and we learn her name, Yamato Yura-chan. She’ll be sharing her room with a third-year student, the student in question however is not in and is visiting her parents at home. She comes back to life upon looking at her dorm and, holy crap it’s huge.

She flops on a bed and declares that as of now this is her room (well, her and another girl’s room) she gets a look at her new roomie from a picture she has set up on a table, and hopes that she’s nice. She coos some more then lays on the pillow, and reaches under it to notices something. It’s…

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HOLY SHIT, IT’S AMERICAN GUN CULTURE HIDING UNDER THE PILLOW HERE TO INDOCTRINATE ALL THE AMERICAN YOUTHS INTO GUNS AND TO HAVE SHOOT-OUT WILD, WEST STYLE AT THEIR OWNS SCHOOLS, COMING TO A BLU-RAY NEAR YOU. YURA RECOILS IN HORROR AT THE [insert buzzword].

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After the OP, the camera pans away from the cute neon pink school building to an old abandoned school building. Well, it’s not that abandoned as a girl brings to a start a strategy meeting. They’re meeting to find out how to make all the little American Boys, and little American Girls into NRA card-carrying gun owners, and wishes to make them “new members”. However, they’ve not been meeting their new member quota, so the girl explains that they’ll launch “New student Recruiting Strategy”, one girl, while simultaneously losing a fight with the curtains blithely asks why not wait until next term, another girl who seemed like she was completely ignoring everything that happened to this point, points out that it’ll be too late by then, then accurately points out that you can’t plot out a strategy after the war (War? WAR!?) is over.

UntitledBlithey McCurtain-Fighter also points out that girls don’t tend to care for survival games (GUN CULTURE) then says that the world views them as weirdos, because they’re not talking about make-up, boys, and pantyhose (Girls talk about pantyhose, right?), she says this while wearing Cat-ears for some reason. Another girl holds a gun and tells all the kids at home that using guns is fun once you try it, while the one wearing glasses predicts a certain Anime News site’s Executive Editors rambling nonsensical “preview” of the show.

UntitledThe other girl (I wish they’d give them names already) shoots a gun at a target which has a heart on it, meant to show the American children at home where to aim when they shoot to kill. The other girl, who’s wearing a blue sweater exclaims that it’s the best thing ever.

UntitledBack at her dorm room, Yura continues to stare at the gun, since it has yet to transform her into an NRA member she figures it must be a prop, and assumes her roommate must belong to a film club or something, then takes notes to all the movies in her cabinet. She then searches through her draws and wardrobe (which is kind of rude) to see if she has more props, she discovers more guns and flak jackets. She has a whole fucking arsenal on her. She assumes she just has a thing for one specific genre. Back at the club house, the girls are now putting together an actual strategy. They plan an assault on the club recruiting drive, with no satire or comedic flair in the intended situation at all. Unfortunately they can’t actually do such a thing, the Man will get them in trouble if they just arbitrarily shoot at students. So, after moping about no one being legitimately interested they decide to do a quick game to “decompress”. They decide to play “Rambo” (“Rambo” is not censored, or renamed “Blamo” or some shit), so Blue Sweater tells Rento – RENT! – to grab one of Sono-chan’s guns, Sono-chan being the girl who Yura is rooming with.

UntitledInstead of telling her to do it herself, she fully signs on to do this. In Sono-chan’s room she finds Rambo playing (not censored or anything) playing, and Yura is pretending to shoot with the guns, as she imitates the television while wearing someone else’s clothes, and wailing the Japanese equivalent of “Pew Pew”. She’s fully committed herself to her fake role making up lines as well, while Rento just stares silently. After crying over Mitchell’s corpse, Yura finally takes note to the girl standing in the room, staring at her. She ashamedly squeals that it’s not what it looks like, while Rento finally moves and lovingly calls Yura a weirdo. Yura doesn’t catch on that’s she’s not actually insulting her, and insists that she’s totally not a weirdo, screaming so loud that she makes birds outside fly away.

Rento has apparently dragged Yura to the War Room, and she’s none-to happy about it. They girls start grilling her on if she’s yet joined a club. Yura tells the girls her name, before Blue Sweater interrupts her, and cuts to the chase and asks if she wants to join the club. They begin bribing her with tea and sweets, while trying to give her different nicknames, which makes her moan that “these people” (guns rights advocates) can’t even be bothered to remember her name. Rento tries a different tactic by placing a piece of cake in front of her, and calling her “Yura-Chan”. Yura-Chan responds to this well though one of the girls mistakenly believes she’s responding to the cake.

UntitledYura herself mistakenly believes that this is in fact just a club that doesn’t do anything, and just eats sweets and stuff all day. She seems sold on the idea of at least being in a club surrounded by kid, beautiful “sempai”. They then giddily explaining that C3 is a survival game club. Yura doesn’t know what the fuck this means so she’s still pretty excited, Blue Sweater explains that it’s sort of like War Games and the scales begin falling from her eyes. Rento is the most blunt and explains that they shoot bullets out of their guns at each other, Yura’s excitement has passed and she is now horrified.

C3 is pretty nonplussed as well as they try to figure out what went wrong. Kari, formerly known as Blue Sweater is blamed but rebuffs this. Rento is devastated because she just knew that Yura would fit right in, she begins making a bunch of complicated gestures and noises to explain why Airsoft is fun, this doesn’t come through, and even Kari is having trouble understanding it. The others realize that Yura was just not into it, and decide if she doesn’t want to be in C3 then fuck her, they’ll just look for someone else.

Yura meanwhile walks back to her dorm and decides that War Games just aren’t for girls. She’s a girl, so she can only be into dresses, mary janes, and lipstick. She nervously walks by the two girls from before who recognize her, she nervously barks out a greeting as the girl with the blazer around her hips asks if she found the dorms easily. She begins explaining that she did and that she found her room as an old woman interrupts and calls out for Nakamura-san (unf unf) and tells her she has a package. Without seeing if Yura was finished speaking (she wasn’t) they leave, and ignore her existence again. Yura watches and despairs that the other girl who started and has been their the exact same amount of time she has has already made a friend.

UntitledYura back at her room begins taking her stuff out of boxes and thinks to herself that everyone else is assertive and that she admires people who aren’t scared shitless every time their around other people. She begins yelling at herself that at this rate she’ll never make it as a drunken college student, or a office lady who’s given up all hope on her dreams and goes through the motions of her office lady-ness. She then hears a group of girls through the walls giggle about seeing something gross. Yura leaves out of her room, and hears the other girls begin propositioning the new girl, they don’t wast time do they? Yura runs from this gross sexual imposition until she runs into… a cake… just sitting in the middle of the floor. Naturally, she assumes someone must have forgot to pick their cake up from the middle of the floor. Being the good samaritan she is she decides to pick it up, and find some plastic wrap, and I guess take it to the Lost and Found.

However it’s a trap, and Rento ambushes her from behind. Poor Yura has no clue what the fuck is going on, Rento explains that she incorrectly noticed the cake was the only thing Yura responded to, the thing Yura actually responded to was being called by her name of course, but as far as Rento is concerned she got the reaction she was hoping for. It’s a good thing no one else walked through the hallway before Yura.

Rento does the most logical thing and asks Yura to join in on one of their games, then she’ll likely see how much fun it is for herself. Yura decides that she kind of has no choice, Rento is forcing her hand. Rento again innocuously calls her a freak, which Yura still doesn’t quite get.

UntitledAt a cordoned off section of the school, Rento re-introduces Yura to C and they go over the rules of today’s game. It’s a “Rambo Battle”, one member plays John Rambo, the other play officers. If Rambo dies, he loses – if Rambo knocks off the officers, he wins. Yura thinks this sounds a bit unfair, however there’s a handicap. Rambo can use a machine gun – as he must – and the officers can only use handguns, for Yura’s sake they’re also using wireless communications. Karila (Kari) basically volunteers to be John Rambo, while everyone else is the peace officer team. Kari is excited, and plans to use knife attacks as well, it’s not explained if she meant a real knife though Honoka,  the girl with the glasses, tells her it’s too dangerous – because of Yura’s inexperience – and gives her a candy bar to pretend is a knife and she doesn’t look too happy about it, the candy knife also counts as a hit.

Honoka explains the rules (there’s no rules in war), if you’re hit you say “I’m hit”, then you leave the field of play, hit by a bullet of any kind counts as a hit, including your own bullet ricocheting and hitting you is a hit (unless no one else sees it), and you cannot remove your goggles until you reach the safety zone. This completely safe, and well structured shooting game, where no one is injured of harmed in anyway is the most horrific shooting scene in any anime ever, according to certain websites.

A buzzer goes off to signal the start of their game, Rento and Yura run from cover to closer to where Kari is holed up. Rento sends Yura ahead – she sheepishly runs until she realizes she can’t see Rento, she reassures her over the com that she has her back. She tells her the plan of attack is to spread out then close in on Kari, the machine gun she’s carrying has firepower, but is quite heavy and will slow her down, so they’ll exploit that weakness to take her down. Yachiyo (the last girl) warns that Kari is aiming at Rento and decides to flank her. She rushes to behind where Kari is working her gun and… she’s not there. Kari jumps down from her tree with her “knife” and “hits” Yachiyo, killing her brutally… I mean, eliminating her from the game. Their “siege circle” is now missing a piece, so they must act fast.

UntitledKari appears to have looted Yachiyo’s corpse for her handgun and is running off without her M60 (just like Rambo) Yura insists that it’s because it’s too heavy. Yura hides behind a tree then spots Rento, and stands out entirely in the open, and Kari fires wildly at the poor girl, until she ducks behind a tree. Rento meanwhile has used Yura’s unintended distraction to get a better angle on Kari, while Honoka gets into position as well. Yura however is still hiding behind a tree, providing no coverage at all. Honoka makes hand gestures that apparently mean “cover me I’m going in, then I’ll cover you until we get close enough to knock this bitch off”, then she goes in while Rento covers her, and Honoka allows the same coverage for Rento. Yura’s eyes grow wide as she watches the girls expertly switch out from cover to cover.

UntitledThe two girls then begin to rush the unmanned M60, only to learn that Kari has taken back to it. Honoka is furiously gunned down as Rento desperately rushes back to cover, however with Honoka officially “hit”, Kari turns her sites to Rento. Yure watches gap-mouthed as Kari slow walks and shoots in Rento’s direction. Rento has nowhere to run. Yura’s imagination gets away from her again, as she imagines Kari as John Rambo, and Rento as the peace officer in the film, Yura is of course the gap-mouthed officer who just kind of stood back and watched as seen in the film. Kari overcomes Rento’s desperate stand and knocks her out, and finally takes aim at Yura. She ponders stepping into this “world”, that she never knew existed until today, and… gunfire. Actual gunfire. From an actual gun. No, Kari hasn’t gone rouge, we’re now in a totally different location with a blue haired girl taking aim at a target, in a totally controlled shooting range. The girl shoots and hits the target square in the bullseye and proclaims “not bad” in English. The girl is Sonora Kashima, Yura’s roommate.

UntitledThen the credits roll with OMG CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS OF GUNS, EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE CLEARLY THE SAME DRAWINGS BY THE CLUB MEMBERS. TIME TO WRITE A NONSENSICAL GUN RANT, AND COMPLETELY IGNORE HOW THE SHOW MANAGES TO SHOW GIRLS COMPETENTLY TAKING PART IN A DECIDEDLY NON-FEMININE SPORT, NO, IT’S ABOUT GUN CULTURE IN AMERICA, AND NOT A LEGITIMATE SPORT THAT PEOPLE ENJOY TAKING PART OF. A WORLD THAT PEOPLE APPARENTLY LOOK DOWN ON THEM FOR TAKING PART IN, INCLUDING UNTIL TODAY YURA HERSELF.

RATING: 4 GUN CULTURE RANTS OUT OF 5

This entry was posted in Stella Women’s Academy High School Division Class C3, Summer 2013. Bookmark the permalink.

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