Kokoro Connect episode 1 – A Story That Had Already Begun Before Anyone Realized It

What’s this? A new post? Well, it’s about fucking time. But, wait, Kokoro Connect isn’t a Summer 2013 show? Why am i starting a new post, when I have like 4 shows nowhere near completed? Um, I don’t know. This is really to coincide with Sentai’s release of the english dub. And it was a decent show, except for the ending that made no sense, or attempt to explain anything.

We begin with trucking shots, that lead to a house in which a girl informs “big brother” to wake the fuck up, or he’ll be late for school. Then we transition to Kirino-knock-off looking character realizing that “it” wasn’t a dream. As another girl walks in and is told by her mother(?) that’s she’s sorry for being late, and takes a sip of too hot coffee. Then another boy in another house is texting his friend as his father decides to be nosy as fuck and read his text over his showing, the boy quickly runs from his nosy ass father. As boy asked a previously seen girl named Himeko (pronounced Him-ecko”) is she’s going out, as she walks towards the door OBVIOUSLY heading out. She informs the clueless boy that yes, she is in fact heading out. The clueless boy doesn’t take kindly to being told the obvious, and informs her that she’ll never get a man with an attitude like that.

One of the other girls, who looks like she was ripped directly from an episode of K-On, who’s name is Nagase, who unlike Nagase from Free! may or may not be a crack head, slaps “Taichi” on the back to tell him that he’s looking tired, she’s however not, because she doesn’t stay up late watching Pro Wrestling. What a miserable existence she must lead. She then scurries off to say “Good Morning” to Inaba, who casually accuses them of fucking… I mean, walking together to school. Himeko switches gears and says “Good Morning” to Yui (The Kirino rip-off_ and Aoki, Yui currently complaining to Aoki apparently about how she doesn’t want to fuck her brother, but she totally wants to fuck her brother. They says good morning back to Aunt Grandma, and then begin off on… something about the seasons changing.

UntitledAfter the OP, which mentions unstoppable throbbing, we get narration of an incredibly stupid and unenforceable school policy that forces every single student to join a club. This apparently leads to students not giving shits and putting down fake clubs just because, like our narrator who is a part is the Pro Wrestling Society, which doesn’t even exist, though surely he could have joined the Straight Edge Society? Next is brother-fucker, Yui who joined the “Fancy Club” because she like’s cute things, next is Aoki, who watched too many Bernie Mac movies, and tried to join the “Players Club”, and Nagase decided to have her poor overworked techer pick her club for her, because she’s indecisive, and Himeko joined the computer club, told the president of the club to go fuck himself, and went and joined another club, the “Student Cultural Club”, which is code for “Bullshit Club We Made Up Because You Assholes Made Us Join A Club” club.

UntitledHimeko questions Taichi to make sure he has the topic for their next bullshit paper ready. And he does, it’s titled “The History of Brain-buster Drop Methods In Pro Wrestling”. He then begins going into how the Brain-buster is performed, before she shuts him down, she doesn’t really care, she just wanted to know if he had something ready, she didn’t actually want to hear about it. Taichi is saddened. Nagase busts through the door, and is saddened to realize that it’s just Taichi and Inaba. She flops down on the couch and begins smacking her own ass, and slutting it up, as she offers Taichi a peak for 120 yen. I’m not sure what that translates to in American money, but Taichi proclaims that’s a good price, which from a man’s point of view totally means it’s cheap. She then begins rolling on the couch for whatever reason…

UntitledTaichi quickly shifts gears from his slutty friend’s sluttiness to what her next topic for their bullshit essay will be. She concludes that of course they have to add a sexy and dangerous element to their papers (well, they are currently doing a paper on Pro Wrestling, how much more sexy can you get?) Inaba shoots this down, as no one reads their paper for it’s sex appeal, but Nagase wants to spice things up. Inaba refuses to write such smut, because she’s an innocent little girl, but Nagase insist that she;ll write the paper, all Inaba has to do is pose provocatively. Inaba proclaims that she’ll do it over her dead body, which will of course still turn on some people out there.  She passes, and insists that Nagase do it herself, since she’s the prettier of the two. But she refuses herself, and suggests that she stays in the shadows, and make Inaba do it because she’s the more sensual of the two.

UntitledThe two then realize that as high school girls, they’re not quite sure what high school boys want, and then for the first time in a while they realize that they have a high school boy right where they want him. Nagase outright asks him which oe of them would he like to fu… ugh, see naked. The weight of all the boys in the school on his shoulder he decides that the appropriate answer would be… the cop-out answer of both of them. The girls ad this to the minutes as Taichi requesting both girls to strip, respectfully. Meanwhile the last two members trickle in, with Yui twiddling her fingers and looking like she’s just come back from making the biggest mistake of her life. Nagase asks the two who together look like their waiting for the results of the paternity test what’s going on?

UntitledThe boy who’s name I forgot says that he feels they should ask someone else about “this”. they continue rambling, until Inaba insists they get on with it, and spit it out. They respond to her demands with the appropriate fear and Aoki apparently gets constipated and tries desparately to hold it in, however instead of dropping a deuce on the floor screams and admits that their souls traded places! Puzzled the other three respond with “Huh?” He continues to attempt to explain, when Inaba hits Aoki over the head for no apparent reason (HA! BECUZ VIONLENS IZ FUNAY WEN ITS GRRRL ON BOI) She then insists that the pucnhline wasn’t worth it? (but why’d she hit him?) He continues to insists that this is the truth, though. Nagase believes this his way to make up in his mind for constantly being dumped by Yui, though this wouldn’t explain why Yui is apparently going with it, which they clearly are not considering.

Yui however backs Aoki that this is indeed the truth. He begins explaining that he just happened to wake up in the middle of the night, in a strange room, and saw Yui’s face when he looked in the mirror, and then he was himself again. Yui continues that the same happened to her, and in her shock she hid under the covers. However, in classic tsundere fashion immediately after admitting something, she backtracks and says that there’s no way it could be real, even though she just copped to it being completely real. She then blames Aoki for making her apart of his creepy fantasies, despite just admitting that it happened to her. Aoki is stunned that the bipolar girl is now turning on him, and claims that it must have been some sort of nightmare. Completely ignoring the fact that he has no way to make her dream something, he brings up the impossibility of them having the exact same dream, and stuf being the exact same way he proclaimed to have left them when he left her body.

UntitledHimeko and Nagase are intrigued, though. Could this be real? Meanwhile, Yui is curious why it was her and him? Aoki makes up some bullshit about fate, and uses it as an attempt to pick her up. She then runs to Iori (Nagase) and claims that he’s making stuff up, because he has the power to implant dreams in her head. Aoki headdesks at her stupidity, or at least he should have. Inaba slams her hand on the table, and claims that this shit makes no sense, and Aoki timidly claims that it makes no sense to them either.

Nagase has apparently heard the secret word, and decides it’s time to scream real loud, and proclaims that she left her notebook in her classroom. This pisses Inaba off, because she was in deep thought. Nagase asks for permission to get it, because she’s 5 years old and needs permission to leave the room. She’s also club president. The remaining kids gossip about how much of an idiot Nagase is, and Taichi proclaims that it’s time to drink the obligatory club tea, and he’ll even pour Nagase’s cup.  Himeko agrees this is a good… and suddenly desks.

UntitledYes, desks. Nagase is no longer Nagase, and begins feeling up her breasts, affirming that it’s a boy in there. Some girl stops by the class (does she not have a home?) and asks what she’s doing. Nagase suddenly realizes that she’s Nagase. She’s s shocked that she repeats in twice. The girl suddenly teleports and asks if she wants help feeling herself up. The girls’ name is Fujishima, and she wants to fuck! Suddenly Taichi comes running by, Nagase asking if that’s her. Fujishima is pissed, but Taichi says he needs him… he means her. Nagachi and Fujishima have a tug-of-war over Taise Nagataise decides that he has one idea left, and that’s to run up and tickle Fujishima. It’s a stupid plan, but it works.

Taichi/Nagase orders Nagase/Taichi not to do anything weird or perverted in his body, assumedly like jacking herself off in his body, which is kind of a switch, seeing as it would usually be the girl demanding the boy to not do anything perverted in their body. He decides to run away while Fujishima is apparently still feeling the effects of being tickled, while not being tickled, and leg it while Fujishima sits on the floor.

UntitledNagase/Taichi begins explaining what happened, she was looking for her notebook, then suddenly everyone started calling her Taichi so she ran. So they go back to the club room, and explain that hey, they switched bodies. Yui and Aoki begin gossping about Taichi in front of his face(s). Himeko angrily punches the table for some reason. in which Taichi/Nagase snootily retorts that she clearly hurt her hand. Himeko angrily prepares to punch the shit out of Taichi/Nagase, then suddenly goes into NBA Elite 11 Glitch Jesus mode (look it up), and stands with her arms out wide. Aoki then explains that Himeko is impersonating a crewman doing flag semaphore because she was going to attack Taichi’s statement, but for some reason, she refuses to hit Nagase. So, she’ll respond to males with violence, but look like an idiot when a female does the same thing. Her brother was right, she won’t ever get a man at this rate.

Taichi/Nagase derisively comments that she;s never looked happier. Himeko angrily informs Taichi/Nagase that she won’t forget this before stopping herself after calling Nagase Taichi. Nagase/Tiaichi remarks how she tried to stop herself from calling Nagase Taichi, and she insists instead they’re putting on some weird act. So, instead of attacking them both, she restrains herself like a fucking human being. Nagase/Taichi insists that Taichi could never pull off imitating her so well. Taichi/Nagase knows that this sounds weird, but she has to trust them. She then asks what do Yui and Aoki think. Since they went through it themselves, Aoki clearly believes it, and Yui finally grumpily admits that Aoki didn’t somehow magically make her dream what he dreamt. she has to after seeing Nagase and Taichi like this, as opposed to when she herself was in this predicament.

UntitledThis picture adds nothing to the post…

UntitledNagase is pretty laid back for someone who has switched bodies, Himeko gets a headache, and decides to ask again. Then she decides to quiz Taichi on what he knows… She asks what’s the title of the last adult film he ordered from Aoki. “BIG JUGGED HIGH SCHOOL GI–” Taichi belts out, before realizing that Himeko wouldn’t actually know the answer. “Big jugs, huh?” asks Nagase derisively. Embarrased, Taichi asks to whisper it in Aoki’s ear. Aoki confirms that this is correct, and almost jizzes himself over getting to hear Nagase talk dirty to him. Nagase then reflects on if she got hosed, but not in the way the male club members would like. Now that they know both of the male members like big tits (if this is a surprise, they’re clearly not ready for the world out there) Himeko then decides to question Nagase/Taichi. Himeko then whispers something into Nagase/Taichi’s ear, and Nagase/Taichi recoils in horror to find out “that’s” true. Aoki is curious what she told her, but Himeko declares this is ture, and she has to believe them.

Nagase/Taichi wonders what to do now, since she/he can’t rip her pants off and go to town on her new penis. Taichi/Nagase looks at Yui after wondering if time’s a factor… and they switch back! HOORAY! Himeko still doesn’t believe it though. Yui believes that this was just a dream, despite the fact that it wasn’t. and they wonder if it;s a one-time thing, but decide not to tell anyone else, because weird, also they don’t want their families to worry. They then walk off into the sunset, and return to their homes and regular lives, talking to their families and stuff.

And so it was over. And they all lived happily ever after!

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

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