Kokoro Connect episode 1 – A Story That Had Already Begun Before Anyone Realized It

What’s this? A new post? Well, it’s about fucking time. But, wait, Kokoro Connect isn’t a Summer 2013 show? Why am i starting a new post, when I have like 4 shows nowhere near completed? Um, I don’t know. This is really to coincide with Sentai’s release of the english dub. And it was a decent show, except for the ending that made no sense, or attempt to explain anything.

We begin with trucking shots, that lead to a house in which a girl informs “big brother” to wake the fuck up, or he’ll be late for school. Then we transition to Kirino-knock-off looking character realizing that “it” wasn’t a dream. As another girl walks in and is told by her mother(?) that’s she’s sorry for being late, and takes a sip of too hot coffee. Then another boy in another house is texting his friend as his father decides to be nosy as fuck and read his text over his showing, the boy quickly runs from his nosy ass father. As boy asked a previously seen girl named Himeko (pronounced Him-ecko”) is she’s going out, as she walks towards the door OBVIOUSLY heading out. She informs the clueless boy that yes, she is in fact heading out. The clueless boy doesn’t take kindly to being told the obvious, and informs her that she’ll never get a man with an attitude like that.

One of the other girls, who looks like she was ripped directly from an episode of K-On, who’s name is Nagase, who unlike Nagase from Free! may or may not be a crack head, slaps “Taichi” on the back to tell him that he’s looking tired, she’s however not, because she doesn’t stay up late watching Pro Wrestling. What a miserable existence she must lead. She then scurries off to say “Good Morning” to Inaba, who casually accuses them of fucking… I mean, walking together to school. Himeko switches gears and says “Good Morning” to Yui (The Kirino rip-off_ and Aoki, Yui currently complaining to Aoki apparently about how she doesn’t want to fuck her brother, but she totally wants to fuck her brother. They says good morning back to Aunt Grandma, and then begin off on… something about the seasons changing.

UntitledAfter the OP, which mentions unstoppable throbbing, we get narration of an incredibly stupid and unenforceable school policy that forces every single student to join a club. This apparently leads to students not giving shits and putting down fake clubs just because, like our narrator who is a part is the Pro Wrestling Society, which doesn’t even exist, though surely he could have joined the Straight Edge Society? Next is brother-fucker, Yui who joined the “Fancy Club” because she like’s cute things, next is Aoki, who watched too many Bernie Mac movies, and tried to join the “Players Club”, and Nagase decided to have her poor overworked techer pick her club for her, because she’s indecisive, and Himeko joined the computer club, told the president of the club to go fuck himself, and went and joined another club, the “Student Cultural Club”, which is code for “Bullshit Club We Made Up Because You Assholes Made Us Join A Club” club.

UntitledHimeko questions Taichi to make sure he has the topic for their next bullshit paper ready. And he does, it’s titled “The History of Brain-buster Drop Methods In Pro Wrestling”. He then begins going into how the Brain-buster is performed, before she shuts him down, she doesn’t really care, she just wanted to know if he had something ready, she didn’t actually want to hear about it. Taichi is saddened. Nagase busts through the door, and is saddened to realize that it’s just Taichi and Inaba. She flops down on the couch and begins smacking her own ass, and slutting it up, as she offers Taichi a peak for 120 yen. I’m not sure what that translates to in American money, but Taichi proclaims that’s a good price, which from a man’s point of view totally means it’s cheap. She then begins rolling on the couch for whatever reason…

UntitledTaichi quickly shifts gears from his slutty friend’s sluttiness to what her next topic for their bullshit essay will be. She concludes that of course they have to add a sexy and dangerous element to their papers (well, they are currently doing a paper on Pro Wrestling, how much more sexy can you get?) Inaba shoots this down, as no one reads their paper for it’s sex appeal, but Nagase wants to spice things up. Inaba refuses to write such smut, because she’s an innocent little girl, but Nagase insist that she;ll write the paper, all Inaba has to do is pose provocatively. Inaba proclaims that she’ll do it over her dead body, which will of course still turn on some people out there.  She passes, and insists that Nagase do it herself, since she’s the prettier of the two. But she refuses herself, and suggests that she stays in the shadows, and make Inaba do it because she’s the more sensual of the two.

UntitledThe two then realize that as high school girls, they’re not quite sure what high school boys want, and then for the first time in a while they realize that they have a high school boy right where they want him. Nagase outright asks him which oe of them would he like to fu… ugh, see naked. The weight of all the boys in the school on his shoulder he decides that the appropriate answer would be… the cop-out answer of both of them. The girls ad this to the minutes as Taichi requesting both girls to strip, respectfully. Meanwhile the last two members trickle in, with Yui twiddling her fingers and looking like she’s just come back from making the biggest mistake of her life. Nagase asks the two who together look like their waiting for the results of the paternity test what’s going on?

UntitledThe boy who’s name I forgot says that he feels they should ask someone else about “this”. they continue rambling, until Inaba insists they get on with it, and spit it out. They respond to her demands with the appropriate fear and Aoki apparently gets constipated and tries desparately to hold it in, however instead of dropping a deuce on the floor screams and admits that their souls traded places! Puzzled the other three respond with “Huh?” He continues to attempt to explain, when Inaba hits Aoki over the head for no apparent reason (HA! BECUZ VIONLENS IZ FUNAY WEN ITS GRRRL ON BOI) She then insists that the pucnhline wasn’t worth it? (but why’d she hit him?) He continues to insists that this is the truth, though. Nagase believes this his way to make up in his mind for constantly being dumped by Yui, though this wouldn’t explain why Yui is apparently going with it, which they clearly are not considering.

Yui however backs Aoki that this is indeed the truth. He begins explaining that he just happened to wake up in the middle of the night, in a strange room, and saw Yui’s face when he looked in the mirror, and then he was himself again. Yui continues that the same happened to her, and in her shock she hid under the covers. However, in classic tsundere fashion immediately after admitting something, she backtracks and says that there’s no way it could be real, even though she just copped to it being completely real. She then blames Aoki for making her apart of his creepy fantasies, despite just admitting that it happened to her. Aoki is stunned that the bipolar girl is now turning on him, and claims that it must have been some sort of nightmare. Completely ignoring the fact that he has no way to make her dream something, he brings up the impossibility of them having the exact same dream, and stuf being the exact same way he proclaimed to have left them when he left her body.

UntitledHimeko and Nagase are intrigued, though. Could this be real? Meanwhile, Yui is curious why it was her and him? Aoki makes up some bullshit about fate, and uses it as an attempt to pick her up. She then runs to Iori (Nagase) and claims that he’s making stuff up, because he has the power to implant dreams in her head. Aoki headdesks at her stupidity, or at least he should have. Inaba slams her hand on the table, and claims that this shit makes no sense, and Aoki timidly claims that it makes no sense to them either.

Nagase has apparently heard the secret word, and decides it’s time to scream real loud, and proclaims that she left her notebook in her classroom. This pisses Inaba off, because she was in deep thought. Nagase asks for permission to get it, because she’s 5 years old and needs permission to leave the room. She’s also club president. The remaining kids gossip about how much of an idiot Nagase is, and Taichi proclaims that it’s time to drink the obligatory club tea, and he’ll even pour Nagase’s cup.  Himeko agrees this is a good… and suddenly desks.

UntitledYes, desks. Nagase is no longer Nagase, and begins feeling up her breasts, affirming that it’s a boy in there. Some girl stops by the class (does she not have a home?) and asks what she’s doing. Nagase suddenly realizes that she’s Nagase. She’s s shocked that she repeats in twice. The girl suddenly teleports and asks if she wants help feeling herself up. The girls’ name is Fujishima, and she wants to fuck! Suddenly Taichi comes running by, Nagase asking if that’s her. Fujishima is pissed, but Taichi says he needs him… he means her. Nagachi and Fujishima have a tug-of-war over Taise Nagataise decides that he has one idea left, and that’s to run up and tickle Fujishima. It’s a stupid plan, but it works.

Taichi/Nagase orders Nagase/Taichi not to do anything weird or perverted in his body, assumedly like jacking herself off in his body, which is kind of a switch, seeing as it would usually be the girl demanding the boy to not do anything perverted in their body. He decides to run away while Fujishima is apparently still feeling the effects of being tickled, while not being tickled, and leg it while Fujishima sits on the floor.

UntitledNagase/Taichi begins explaining what happened, she was looking for her notebook, then suddenly everyone started calling her Taichi so she ran. So they go back to the club room, and explain that hey, they switched bodies. Yui and Aoki begin gossping about Taichi in front of his face(s). Himeko angrily punches the table for some reason. in which Taichi/Nagase snootily retorts that she clearly hurt her hand. Himeko angrily prepares to punch the shit out of Taichi/Nagase, then suddenly goes into NBA Elite 11 Glitch Jesus mode (look it up), and stands with her arms out wide. Aoki then explains that Himeko is impersonating a crewman doing flag semaphore because she was going to attack Taichi’s statement, but for some reason, she refuses to hit Nagase. So, she’ll respond to males with violence, but look like an idiot when a female does the same thing. Her brother was right, she won’t ever get a man at this rate.

Taichi/Nagase derisively comments that she;s never looked happier. Himeko angrily informs Taichi/Nagase that she won’t forget this before stopping herself after calling Nagase Taichi. Nagase/Tiaichi remarks how she tried to stop herself from calling Nagase Taichi, and she insists instead they’re putting on some weird act. So, instead of attacking them both, she restrains herself like a fucking human being. Nagase/Taichi insists that Taichi could never pull off imitating her so well. Taichi/Nagase knows that this sounds weird, but she has to trust them. She then asks what do Yui and Aoki think. Since they went through it themselves, Aoki clearly believes it, and Yui finally grumpily admits that Aoki didn’t somehow magically make her dream what he dreamt. she has to after seeing Nagase and Taichi like this, as opposed to when she herself was in this predicament.

UntitledThis picture adds nothing to the post…

UntitledNagase is pretty laid back for someone who has switched bodies, Himeko gets a headache, and decides to ask again. Then she decides to quiz Taichi on what he knows… She asks what’s the title of the last adult film he ordered from Aoki. “BIG JUGGED HIGH SCHOOL GI–” Taichi belts out, before realizing that Himeko wouldn’t actually know the answer. “Big jugs, huh?” asks Nagase derisively. Embarrased, Taichi asks to whisper it in Aoki’s ear. Aoki confirms that this is correct, and almost jizzes himself over getting to hear Nagase talk dirty to him. Nagase then reflects on if she got hosed, but not in the way the male club members would like. Now that they know both of the male members like big tits (if this is a surprise, they’re clearly not ready for the world out there) Himeko then decides to question Nagase/Taichi. Himeko then whispers something into Nagase/Taichi’s ear, and Nagase/Taichi recoils in horror to find out “that’s” true. Aoki is curious what she told her, but Himeko declares this is ture, and she has to believe them.

Nagase/Taichi wonders what to do now, since she/he can’t rip her pants off and go to town on her new penis. Taichi/Nagase looks at Yui after wondering if time’s a factor… and they switch back! HOORAY! Himeko still doesn’t believe it though. Yui believes that this was just a dream, despite the fact that it wasn’t. and they wonder if it;s a one-time thing, but decide not to tell anyone else, because weird, also they don’t want their families to worry. They then walk off into the sunset, and return to their homes and regular lives, talking to their families and stuff.

And so it was over. And they all lived happily ever after!

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

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Stella Women’s Academy, High School Division Class C3 Episode 3 – Does Enemy Fire Pierce Even the Soul?

The members of C³ ride a bus to the High school Survival game tournament. They all discuss their involvement in the preparations, Yachiyo and Karila pose for a picture, as Yura tiredly goes over hand signals, until she passes out sleep. Sono wakes her to tell her the proper hand-signal for “sniper”. Afterwards she announces that they’re “here”. Here of course being the location of the high school survival game tournament. Yachiyo and Honoka marvel at the amount of people at the tournament, and especially the amount of girls that have joined. Yachiyo whines about how come there aren’t this many girls at their school interested in Survival Games, as Yura kind of hides in the bus doorway. Yura is impressed with the size of the field.

Untitled

UntitledAfter the OP, Yura immediately asks of a hot spring, and Honoka and her giant breasts know all about the hot spring. Sono says it’s time to put their markers up. Markers? Yes, according to Rento it’s so they know who’s an enemy, and who’s an ally, because they’re stupid and can’t recognize each other? Either way, they get markered up, and begin going over strategy. It’s capture the flag, but with fake guns. That was easy. Honoka thensuggests that Yura would have an easier time if she tied up her hair for the tournament, we’re then treated to a sequence of the girls putting Yura’s hair up into numerous styles, that she is not that thrilled about. Sono instead gives her the option to just leave her hair as is, and tells her to put something on her. Yura is relieved.

It’s tiem fore the tournament to start and he participating teams are lining up at the gates, Rento tries to bring up the morale by saying “Let’s go for broke”, at which point one of the Sono horribly quips back that they don’t want to break… ughhhhh… and then Yura suggest they go “with guns blazing”. Sono loves it, and thus C³ goes with guns blazing. On the battlefield, Yura is worrying herself blue, at which point Sono who can apparently read her mind assures her she’ll be fine, she’ll protect the flag so Yura can just enjoyed being on offense.

The buzzer rings, and the games begin. Rento launches an airsoft grenade into the air, because such a thing exists, and the opposing team who all decide to stand in one place, realize that it’s coming right for them, and haphazardly run the fuck out of the way. Karila charges forth, while Yura looks about nervously until Rento informs her that she should probably get going. Karila slides into view of one guy, who has terrible aim, as she rushes up the wall, and jumps off, and performs some sort of aerial cartwheel, and “hits” the guy.

Another guy has Honoka and Yura cornered, and Karila takes it upon herself to set a distraction, while the guy blindly shoots after Kari, Honoka gives the signal to Yura that says “He’s distracted, now’s you’re chance to open fire and fuck his ass up”, at least that’s what Yura thinks, as she actually gives the signal for “wait, what are you doing, you’re completely misinterpreting my hand signals”. Yura takes the advantage and blasts at the guy, Honoka turns in shock to see… that he’s been hit. Yura is over the moon, then suddenly thinks it over and apologizes to the man for hitting him, well she is Japanese. Honoka tells her that apologizing isn’t necessary in a survival game, after all they know there’s the potential consequence of being hit, Yura’s Japanese sense takes over and she apologizes to Honoka as well.

UntitledMeanwhile Sono hangs back at the flag as three members of the opposing team come to surround her, she declares that this’ll be fun, and the three advance. Sono grabs the shaft of the gun from a guy who decides that his ranged weapon will work much better if he charges at the opponent, and disorientates him, and shoots up one of the three men. The man who’s gun she grabbed, takes this too seriously and SWINGS THE FUCKING GUN AT HER FACE. She easily dodges and let’s loose a pink beam of orange pellets from her gun (yeah, sure) and “hits” the crazed man.

UntitledUntitledBack at the rest of the battlefield, one man tries to prevent the members of C³ from advancing, Honoka derisively stating that “even” Yura can take the flag, which seems pretty open. Honoka gives the signal for “This guy’s a fucking weakling, get your ass over there and take the flag, he ain’t got shit on you”. Honoka runs ahead to draw his fire (he’s currently firing at Rento) and as he tries to shoot Yura who’s come out of hiding Kari shoots back before he has a chance to, he’s cornered 4-1, probably 5 but Yachiyo doesn’t seem to be present. Yura jumps and the screen goes white… C³ has won thanks to Yura.

UntitledAt the base the girls congratulate Yura on a successful first game, and Yura just glows in the admiration, we’re then shown a montage of the girls fighting other teams, and advancing quickly up the ranks until only two teams remain. The PA announces a one-hour lunch break, Yura whines that they’ve been playing for so long, while Rento apparently misses what she means and declares that each round is only 15 minutes long. They go to the lunch hall and sell us on the deliciousness of Curry, as Rento sets out some sweets. Honoka and her breasts confirm that their next opponents are Meisei Women’s Academy, as Kari groans about it, Yachiyo explains them as being “demonic”. C³ have apparently fought Meisei four times before, and they’ve always ended in a draw, therefore they’ve never beaten them. The leader, Haruna Rin, is also very good explains Rento. Rin was also Sono’s survival game partner in America, Kari says that since she’s never been able to beat her, playing against her is boring, and therefore, she’d never want to play with anyone like her. That sounds like loser talk to me. Yura wonders what she’s like as she takes a swig of her water, and then looses control over it, and almost drops it, she looks about nervously as Sono goes to get more water, Yura volunteers to come with her. On the way, Sono makes a quick restroom break, a first in animation, Yura then fills her bottle, drosp it again, and has it picked up by a mysterious black-haired girl, wearing all black, that she somehow mistakes for Sono. The black-haired girl then suggests that it’s good to see Yura again. An old buddy?

It turns out the girl was actually talking past Yura to Sono, Sono introduces Yura as their new teammate and asks if she thinks she’s cute. The black-haired girl then declares that Sono is too, she then changes her demeanor to say that she’ll never forgive her, as Sono glows happily in her general direction. The girl then turns to walk out, as Yura has no clue what the fuck is going on. After the black-haired girl has turned, Sono’s smile turns to a frown.

UntitledBack on the battlefield C³ goes over strategy, Yachiyo is happy she gets to be an attacker again, instead of a sniper. Their plan is to instead of leaving a team to defend the flag, they’ll all press forth AT ONCE, and surround Meisei. Karila is ready, but Yura tugs her hair, which is a clear sign that she’s completely nervous, and out of her element as far as she’s concerned, but Sono reassures her to not worry about winning or losing, guns blazing and all that mess.
The round starts as Karila and Yachiyo move into position, while Yura considers moving forward she notices an enemy coming from the outersides of the field. She begins wht appears to be an “I got to pee” dance, which confuses Kari, until she shouts loudly that she saw an enemy running on the sidelines. Yachiyo tries to cover Kari who dives out of the way, but Yachiyo immediately shows us why they only allow her to be the team sniper as she’s “hit” and eliminated early. Immediately after Rento’s voices can be faintly heard declaring that she too is “hit”. Yura goes into her own world agsin, imaging the battelfield as a legit battlefield, and thus she’s the rather disturbing image of Rento being shot in the face. She begins cowering in fear as Honoka tells her to snap the fuck out of it, and tells her to  come on.

Harila waits behind an obstacle before Rin (the black-haired girl, duh) as she tells her men to press forward, one of Rin’s men (even though they’re women) tries to flank Karila, but is shot in the face by Sono, but before she knows it, they’ve pulled a pincer maneuver on her, and she’s “hit” by the other enemy. Honoka with Yura is now concerned, they’ll be within distance of their flag soon, but Sono gives her a hand signal that says “I’ll take the crazy bitch with the black hair, you two find something else to do with your time, like get the fucking flag”, Yura is shitting herself declaring that she can;t run “through that”, but Honoka doesn’t allow her to change her panrs, as she declares it’s time to go.

Honoka and Sono set up on a wall surrounded by two Meisei grunts, ans Yura sashays up to a wall behind them all. Suddennly a third member takes aim at Yura, Honoka begins taking fire as the two surrounded them take up aim against them. In what is apparently later, we see Yura beating a retreat and declaring this all her fault, why even Sono is “hit”. The remaining members of C³ ponder why Meisei hasn;t just, you know, taken their flag by now, Yura meanwhile is scared shitless, she knows she can’t do this alone, she overhears of of Meisei’s men tell Rin that Stella is down to one (How close is she?), they Untitledcan easily end this right here, right now, and Yura is relieved, but Rin declares they don’t need the flag, confusing even her own man, as this is “Capture the Flag” after all , the point of which being to capture the fucking flag. But Rin just wants to gun down every last member of C³ for whatever reason. This freaks the fuck out of Yura, they’re going to come looking fer her, instead of taking the very vulnerable flag. She peers out from behind her cover to a sray of bullets, that knock her gun loose from her hand. They know where she is now, and that she’s un-armed. Rin slowly walks in for the kills, preparing to squeeze the hand on her trigger until…

UntitledShe surrenders, she withdraws, she forfeits, she quits, she throws in the towel, she lays down, she taps out, she waves the white flag, but more importantly she quits.

Rin grumpily grunts at her team’s victory (really?), and the buzzer sounds. Kari is surprised that it’s over (she is?), the PA Announcer declares that Stella has withdrawn from the game, apparently surprising Yachiyo, and Rento. As they walk back from the field Rin stops and asks Yura why she didn’t “fight to the end”? Which is completely stupid thing to ask, as she was totally outnumbered, lost her gun, and as such had absolutely no way to win so why even waste her time? Rin tells her some bullshit about the way she’s playing irritates her, as if Yura is suppose to give a fuck what irritates this girl she doesn’t know. She asks her what she’s fighting for? Considering it;s a game, she;s not fighting for anything… this girl is quite daft.

C³ come to meet up with Yura and Karila tells Rin to fuck off, and she does just that. the girls try to cheer up Yura, and ask Sono to say some encouraging words… and she agrees with Rin. She tells her she let her friend’s sacrifices go to waste and ran away… as opposed to letting her friend’s sacrifices go to waste by being totally outnumbered and shoot up. She says that since she can’t fight by herself (while being totally outnumbered) can’t fight with the team – which is a completely fucking stupid thing to say – she then barks to not be afraid of losing (which she did anyway by forfeiting) and to to never do what she did here again, then walks off.

Well, after that shit, it’s hot springs time. Apparently you’ll never see Honoka without her glasses again, so… here ya go.

UntitledUntitledRento exclaims that Honka naked is a sight to see, which is probably a reference to her tits, as Kari makes reference to Yachiyo’s lack of tits, while calling her a shrimp. Sounds of an ass-whopping are heard through the traditional Japanese paper-door, before the girls dive into the spring. Honoka tells Kari not to jump in, and Ksri tells Honoka to pull the stick out of her ass. Rento on the other hand is more concerned about what to do about Yura and Sono who are on the opposite side of the spring and sitting quite far apart. Karila thinks she knows, and dives into the hot water. She then pops out of the water in front of Yura and makes her look at her welts, Yura completely ignores her. Honoka tries a different approach and tries talking to Yura, whle Kari sulks back on the otherside while Yachiyo laughs at her pain. She tells her that “don’t do it again” means she has another chance, and the others completely agree about what they think Sono meant. Yura starts moaning about them having to make a fuss over her, and she apparently tries to drown herself, as she dives under.

UntitledWhile under she ponders that she thought joining C³ would help her change, but figures that’s just putting thid on others, not unlike Sono barkng at Yura to continue fighting even though she was completely out of her element. Unable to go through with her suicide she pops back out, as the members of C³ not named Sonora, stare on confused at what they’re seeing. She starts to tie her hair back up, and remembers some forgettable thing Sonora told her about leaving her hair as is, back when at the beginning of the episode. Yura decids that if she wants to stay with C³, she’ll have to change now, as Honoka is still confused at what she’s seeing.

The next day…

UntitledYura declares that she’ll take survival games seriously. She won’t run anymore. The other members still have no idea what they’re seeing. However, Sonora loves it, she thinks she’s sooooo kawaii <3. Well, Kari decides that they’re really going to “crack down” now, Yura interupts her and declares that she doesn’t want any nicknames, just call her “Yura”, and the episode ends with her declaring that she’ll “do her best”.

UntitledRATING: 3 OUT OF 5

Well, I don’t quite understand Sonora’s bizarre “you let our sacrifice go to waste” bit, seeing as she was totally outnumbered, and was going to lose either way. Rin, I get, because she’s fucking insane but at the end of the day, it’s just a game, how “seriously” is Yura supposed to take it. This may be a way for her to tell Yura not to be too scared of what was going to happen, as she was shitting bullets, but the drop in her voice just made absolute no sense.

It does seem reasonable that the other girls can’t stand Rin’s way of playing, Karila even admitting she’d never want to play with someone like her, it’s just mechanical, while they’re out there obviously to have fun, but rin’s style of play is to clearly just destroy the other team, and not even make a play for the flag. I still don’t quite understand What Sonora’s problem was (even from the future) but we’ll see where this goes from here, maybe.

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Day Break Illusion Episode 3 – Voices of Condolence

Last week we discovered that Akari brutally murdered her cousin, and no one cared, because they were all made to  forget, then Akari remembered, and this is apparently the norm for students at Sephrio Fiore. She was also assaulted by a horny lesbian named Luna, who’s powers involve the Moon (duh) and pantyhose jizzing (gross). This news disturbs Akari (not her lesbian teammate, though she is a bit of a creeper) and she runs off to  a dock and suddenly sees a man standing on a ship,  emanating a dark aura getting ready to murder a father and son with the ship’s mast. The man does a weird jig and the wind picks up, and the mast shivers, while the father holds his son to protect him from the scary blowing air (d’awww). Akari stands and watch, and remembers her murdered cousin again, until the mast breaks clean off and dives straight for the two.

UntitledUntitledAfter the OP. The Mast continues to fall, and Akari helpfully softly mumbles for the two to “look out”, as the father sheilds his son from impalement, instead of… you know… moving out of the way, it’s blasted away as if by magic or something, and lands slightly to the side of them. the father takes his son and legs it, as Akari in magical girl forme, fights an incredibly stupid looking ship monster, which blasts it’s wood at her. In the real world parts of the ship’s masts come apart and fly in the direction Akari is in in the magical world, all while looking really stupid. Akari continues to beat off the ship’s logs with her stick, until she hears a voice asking for help and is distracted long enough for the ship to send out a tendrill and grab her leg… uh oh. Fortunately, it only throws her into the red sea below (slightly to the right?) of them, which she flies out of, and prepares to destroy with her copyright-friendly light-saber.

UntitledAnd then she remembers Fuyana. Again. And pauses before attacking a body that is wrapped in a bag, and is hung on the monster ship’s mast shooting orifice. A terrible flaw in design. She stops herself from attacking letting the Daemonia grab her with it’s rope like tendrils and waits for it to kill her… until she’s saved by two people we’ve never met before. The two kindly and loudly announce themselves as Priscilla and Mel, Mel uses power of the Magician to shoot objects at the ship, and Priscilla uses Restrain to place a giant cage around it. Meanwhile Akari hears what it apparently the Daemonia proclaim that it hurts. Priscilla then throws knives into the air that form a giant dagger, and charges with the power of the Fool (well, that explains her hair). She charges the Daemonia preparing to finish it off for good, until Akari stops her, as she was apparently going slow enough that her momentum didn’t impale the Daemonia anyway.

UntitledPriscilla asks if Akari knows what she’s doing as Akari remains stoic and silent, then suddenly the very nice boat teleports away (nice trap jerks) and the girls are all teleported back to the harbor. Monster boat having now beat an escape, Priscilla grabs Akari and demands to know how she will take responsibility for this, because what if it hurts more people? Akari doesn’t answer, only grunts, and Mel backs Priscilla down, much more chipper about the murder boat that’s now running free and instead insist they’ll just destroy it next time. Akari finally grunts out words and asks if she’ll be taken back, they reply that yes, she in fact will. Etia’s words are absolute, Akari being a little shit says no, pissing off the short-tempered Priscilla, however the still more chipper Mel insists they have no other choice, while Akari’s derisively looking away Mel sneaks electrified handcuffs on her, that she apparently kept in like her purse or something, making Akari a sight for Luna’s sore-eyes.

Back at Sephiro Fiore, Ariel reads Akari the riot act by telling her that by leaving the organization she can no longer escape Daemonia, and that by fighting alone she’ll just die pointlessly. Akari says she doesn’t want to kill anyone, even incurable monsters, who are pre-destined to slaughter the innocent, Ariel points out that by fighting the Daemonia they’ll be saving lives, like the father and son that she saved from the Daemonia that she let get away, that is probably murdering someone else right now, if not the same father and son. Akari continues that she wants no part, but too bad it’s her destiny.

At a graveyard, the talking Raven flies in from the night’s Plutonian shore, and quoth “Akari is back. She defended a Daemonia, what are you going to do about it?” said the thing of evil, perched upon the tree branch. Etia flinches. Akari is apparently thrown in the dungeon, until, and she apologizes. The freaky triplets are snitching to everyone (well, her team, but likely to others as well) as the red one tells Ginka to shut the fuck up. Ginak’s having a hard time figuring out why she’s being jailed, Seira points out that because she ran away, though Ginak thinks this is a bit of a harsh punishment for just running away, while Luna wonders if she’s OK aloud, and if she’ll be allowed her conjugal visit in her mind. Etia soon emerges and insists that it’s time for the strategy meeting. Etia shows some shots of multiplying cells, that are related to the daemonia, no new information, the Daemonia outbreak however is hovering around a staggering 0.005%, and in the next two weeks, they could have trouble as dormant Daemonia in that small number range awaken, they need to get this impossible measurement down to 0.003% however.

Seira asks if they can detect Daemonia before they hatch, however they cannot. It’s human thoughts get in the way, making any and all dormant pokemon untraceable. Ginak groans that this may cause them to be late, but Ariel is having none of this insisting to her that since they are basically in the business of murder, so they have to be on the one the mark so as to not senselessly kill some random innocent. Seira grunts that she wants to eliminate them effieciently, not wanting innocent humans to die, likely refering to the humans that the Daemonia take over. Areil again explains that there is absolutely without a doubt no other way to deal with the Daemonia, once they take over a human, then everything that made them human is gone. So don’t feel bad about killing them, it’s the only way.

In a rather luxurious bed for a dungeon, Akari  again goes over remembering the time her Mom snatched the deck away from her, getting every ounce out of their money’s worth of those flashbacks animations as possible, she then flashbacks to more previously used animation as she remembers the Daemonia begging for help. Inn case you missed it 10 minutes ago. She sits up wonders if that was the Daemonia she heard, and in more recycled animation remembers Fuyana again, and begins crying.

At breakfast (or lunch) the three girls wonder what Akari’s going to do. Will she quit? Well, even if she does that doesn’t change for them insist Seira, they’ll just continue to fight without her, because her indesicive-ness will just hold them back. Luna wants her to stay for obvious reasons, then Seira points out that they are putting their lives on the line, and she could become a major liability. Ginka tries to lighten the mood, by saying that she’s just in it for the reward as Luna goes to get her conjugal but disguises it by saying she’s bringing her food, Ginak pointing out that the perverted little girl is quite assertive when it comes to Akari. Like jumping in bed with her when she’s asleep, huh?

UntitledIn the dungeon Akari lays on the bed as Luna brings her two sandwiches, Akari’s tarot cards have been strewn about the floor,and Luna seeing opportunity runs to pick them up, while getting a great look up Akari’s skirt. Later, after collecting them akari and Luna sit on the bed as far apart as possible, as Luna holds her hands in her crotch to hold herself in. She pushaes the sandwich plate toward Akari, being extra careful not to remove her other hand. As Akari begins eating, Luna begins with her life story. Three months ago when she joined, she was put into this exact same cell as well, she also feared fighting Daemonia. Ginka and Seira had been their before her for 6 months already, so they were just fine without her. Akari ells Luna that she heard their voices, but even in Luna’s love-struck “agree with anything they say” mindset, she has a hard time understanding just what exactly this means.

Elsewhere as the Sun sets, two young boys are playing on a swingset, laughing and just enjoying life without a care in the world, because they don’t have to have jobs, or pay bills. The man from earlier stands and watches them, then emanates with aura and prepares for the kill, as a Police Officer on a bike tells the two boys it’s time to head home. Since as they’re kids they also can’t stay out whenever they want. A major downside of childhood. Back at sephiro Fiore, Seira does 200 push-ups with her legs elevated on her bed, Ginka talks to her Father about how the pay is good, and how they’re fighting for justice, while Luna vacantly stares at the Moon and flashbacks to a time when a bunch Untitledof shadow people in a dark room talk of using her as bait, because she’s damaged goods. They then all laugh heartily at the prospect of using the sexually frustrated little girl for their own needs. Because they’re very apparently evil. She’s however told by Serena Onee-chan, which I assume is her full government name, that she’s not damaged goods. As Luna reaches out for her hand it disappears and behind her the love of her life appears, as Akari holds out a hand amidst a lighted background as back in the real world she reaches her hand up into the air.

In the dungeon Akari has now moved from using animation scenes to re0using audio clips as she remembers the thing Luna told her earlier. Akari claims that she will never forget, as we’re shown Fuyana, aain as she clutches her cards to her chest. In the morning, Akari has requested an audience with Etia and Deputy Director Ariel. She tells them that she heard the voice of the Daemonia, or more accurately, the voice of the person who became the Daemonia asking for help. Etia and Ariel gasp, but the triplets who are there for whatever reason are quick to refute this as impossible. Ariel backs them up and says that the Daemonia are not human, therefore they cannot have voices and cannot be saved, and tells her to stop feeling sorry for them. Killing them is the only thing that has ever worked and it shall continue to work.

Akari’s not willing to back down from her point and insists that she’ll find out on her own, and until then she will be a willing participant in the battle. So, they let her go. Luna and Ginka rush up to find out what happened, but Seira threatens that if she lets the side down, she’ll kick her ass. Etia and Ariel talk over if what Akari claims is even possible, Etia isn’t sure enough to say one way or the other.

Somewhere a nursery aids walks a bunch of kids in a hotel laundry bin for some reason as they all sing about the choo-choo train. It’s almost enough to make me become a Daemonia. The man who almost killed the kids from earlier looks on in horrror.

Akari and Luna discuss Akari’s coming back to the team, Akari begins on not being sure what she’s going to do as Luna sneaks a look at her ass.

UntitledThe kids meanwhile are singing a Japanese version of “The Little engine That Could”, as the man walks up behind the nursery-aide. The girls run into action as she walks the kids througha set of train tracks… a very inconvenient way to freight pre-schoolers. While in the middle the train’s gates fall, and a wheel of the bin get caught between tracks. The kids begin crying, finally realizing what their stupid teacher has gotten them into. The train comes the fuck out of nowhere, and prepares to murder the kids in the prime of their lives. The train transforms into Cthulhu, but Ginak holds back Cthulhu train with her sheild, as the aide takes the children out of the dirty clothes bin. The boat monster is also here? Seira and Luna fightit, as Akari hears it beg for help, while it inks on the ground. We’re shown the Fuyana scene again, in case it hasn’t sunk in yet. Seira asks what the fuck’s up, as Akari says she’s going to listen to the monster (what happened to the train?) then Seira shoots at her, splitting her cheek. She says that if she gets in the way she won’t hold back. She then holds out her hands to block the Daemonia, as she attempts to kill Akari, Luna activates her power and…

UntitledLuna is down for her bitch, says that she believes in her. Akari takes the time to transform to normal and listen to the Daemonia, while Ginka fights Train Cthulhu by herself. Inside the boat monster’s flashback we see the man, and what is apparently his son. he was killed in some unseen accident and transformed into a pool of blood, and the man was apparently told that murdering children would bring his own child back. Obviously this didn’t work. The monster claims that he doesn’t really want to harm children. Meanwhile Train Cthulhu finally presses past Ginka’s shield, and Seira breaks free from Luna’s sick fetish, and the boat monster begins thrashing about again. In the real world, the nursey-aide apparently still standing on the tracks despite all the time she’s had, watches as the train begins charging forth again. She shields the last child, instead of, you know, running, and the monster asks for Akari to kill it. As seira begins to do the honours, Akari obliges the Daemonia’s wishes, and the train skids to a halt right at the nursery-aide, who didn’t even try to move out of the way, and despite the fact that the momentum should have killed them anyway.

Later she tells Etia that she’s found her own answer, in a way. She doesn’t like it, but this is just the way things are. Fuyana’s death would be in vain if she just ignores it, even though no one any longer know who or what the fuck a Fuyana even is anymore. Etia tells her to follow what she thinks is right, as Seira just glares at her from out her window. The Raven and Cat are interested in this development and decide to use her as a Guinea Pig.

RATING: 2 OUT OF 5.

Ehh.

I figured out what about this show rubs me the wrong way. It’s a bit too ambitious in the wrong way. They were so quick to kill off Fuyana in episode one that despite seeing her corpse three-to-four times the past 3 episodes, no one cares. she didn’t add anything to the show, her and Akari were barely shown interacting, she just suddenly becomes jealous then murdered by Akari. Also, Luna’s little allegory for why she’s so attached to Akari makes little sense as well. I can accept that Luna has a huge crush on Akari enough that she wants to hop in bed with her, but that whole flashback sequence again, makes no sense. It wold probably work better if it were reversed, Akari being thrown into a world she has no knowledge of, feels alone and see’s Luna holding her hand out to help her.

That makes more sense because Luna has actively been more instrumental in helping Akari adjust to the place, even sharing her own story of when she first joined Sephiro Fiore, but Akari hasn’t really done much of the like for Luna. How could she? Luna is obviously more versed in how the place, and their roles as murder… magical girls work.I also dropped it a number, because while I appreciate Akari realizing that hey, maybe there’s another way, all this PLUS Akari just going out and killing the thing anyway over-powered what good the show had.

This show wants to tell it’s story, but it’s really rushing itself, it’s like the reverse Flowers of Evil, where they stretched the story out so much that by the end of episode 13, they had to resort to begging to be supported for season 2, because look at all this cool shit that could happen then, it’s more than has happened since episode 7, even.

Posted in il sole penetra le illusioni ~ Day Break Illusion, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment

Futari wa Milky Holmes Episode 2

“Toys: miracle blossoms flowering in the hearts of the chosen. Some bloom into flowers of purity, others into flowers of poison. It is the age of the great detectives. These two flowers wage war to see which is the most beautiful: the great detectives or the gentleman thieves.”

On this episode of the ironically titled “We Are Milky Holmes”, we see our two non-Milky Holmes protagonists, talking about how awesome Milky Holmes is. (Why can’t we see how awesome they are?) Anyway we get a rundown of the man known as the “Red Phantom”, he hasn’t been around for awhile, and now h’s back with cronies. Milky Holmes failed to capture them of course, and they escaped. That’s so Milky Holmes. After admitting that Milky Holmes have a lot on their plate having to catch 7 phantom thieves, they decide to pay them a visit, because surely while they’re very busy, they’re not to busy to be audience to two losers they’ve never met before.

UntitledSneaking around the Holmes academy, which is weird because one of them attends the school, it’s not a prison, and it’s apparently open, the girls sneak around past Stoneriver, Rats and Twenty who’s nipples are not out, the girls discuss where Milky Holmes’ room actually is, and what it must look like. As there’s walking a familiar voice tells someone to go to hell. Why, it’s Nero and she’s apparently yelling at Hercule for some reason, as she’s the next voice we hear, Alice and Kuzumi suddenly get cold feet at the sound of people arguing (They don’t appear to know it;s Milky Holmes as they’ve never actually heard their voices before) and fear getting caught sneaking around the open school, that one of them attends.  The girls attempt to eavesdrop on the argument and get what’s coming to them.

UntitledPOW!

All four members of Milky Holmes jam out of the door at once, completely oblivious until Hercule points out the the bodies lying on the ground. They wake to ralize that they’re now in the company of the Milky Holmes, Cordelia tells them they were worried they may never wake up, while Milky Holmes fans wished they didn’t, and Hercule bizarrely tells them they shouldn’t sleep in the hallway, implying she thinks they did it on purpose, which is more of a Sherlock thing to say. The girls nervously state that they wished to meet them, and that they heard people arguing and decided to eavesdrop. Milky Holmes sit around and laugh like aristocratic bitches.

Sherlock clears her throat and finally asked what the hell the girls wanted from them, and they tell them they want to be like them. The Tea drinking Milky Holmes are shocked. Sherlock then remembers the old Nike adage and tells them to “Just do it”. The girls are surprised by Sherlock’s use of marketing strategy, and the rest of Milky Holmes pretty much parrot Sherlock’s sentiments exactly. They basically boil it down to wearing a detectives uniform, calling yourself a detective, and boom, you’re a detective… that actually explains soooo much.

TUntitledhis is all the girls need to hear, as Milky Holme then show them out of the door to “just do it”, and be detectives. They then shut the door… and collapse to the ground, complaining of keeping up their public image. The Girls however haven’t knocked off, and knock on the door, causing Milky Holmes to shoot straight back up, as the ungrateful bitches forgot to thank Milky Holmes, and waited until this moment to do so, Milky Holmes now physically struggling to uphold their image spit out appreciation very fast in attempt to be rid of them for good, and close the door right back in their faces and collapse again.

Welp, that was the end of the show, have a good night every…. oh, it’s still going.

UntitledIn a more boring hallway, the girls giggle over being able to be more like Milky Holmes… except less funny or interesting. For amkinng it to the Holmes Academy, Alice’s grandmother sewed for her, and she taxed her poor grandmother to make one for Kazumi, too. She snuggles it like a little puppy in appreciation, when Alice’s brother who we’ve never seen before comes through the front door of their house, and thanks Kazumi for tking care of Alice. Kazumi shamefaced takes his appreciation, and he pets his sister on the head like a puppy as well before heading off to do god knows what. Kazumi comments that Shion (that’s his name) is kind, and… Alice replies with a shocked and  rather bizarre “You think so?”

UntitledLater somewhere else, “Violet Shadow” is being read the riot act about taking vengeance upon Milky Holmes, and some  girl calls him “Onii-sama”, which would mean something to me if I spoke Japanese. But this is apparently the only way they can exact revenge on the detectives. On the street somewhere Kazumi has bought something, while making Alice wait on the street at night all by herself. It’s not a surprise for Alice, and doesn’t seem that important at all, so who knows why Alice decided to stay outside instead of going in with Kazumi. Either way, Alice still hasn’t thought of a detective name for themselves, and Kazumi doesn’t appear to want to help. Just then they spot a suspicious man walking down a dark-alleyway, which is pretty much the norm for dark alley-ways. Alice however thinks she saw the fellow before…just how many dark alley-ways does she go into?

UntitledIt turns out it was the guy from last week’s episode. And he’s delivered a box of “Warning Letters”, to Milky Holmes who for their part are all sleep strewn across their furniture, with Sherlock sleeping on the floor, clearly having not touched the “Warning Letter”. Why he randomly decides to exposit this in some random dark alley-way aloud to himself is beyond me, but hey,  whatever makes him feel good about himself.

UntitledUntitledOK, so he clearly wants Milky Holmes to meet him in this exact spot for whatever reason, he’s apparently going to have to wait awhile… or will he? Yes he will, As the girls inform him that Milky Holmes will not be here, which is correct because their asleep, and have no clue they’re supposed to be somewhere. He shrugs off their attempt to scare him, and he decides he’ll just fuck them up in the mean time. He uses his Toys which apparently are Toys of Copyright Infringement, as he makes Wolverine’s claws and prepares to snikt them. Kazumi assures him that they’ve come a long way since yesterday (they really haven’t) and that Milky Holmes told them how to be great detectives (they really haven’t).

UntitledCopyright Infringing Man has heard enough and runs towards them, Kazumi activates her Arrow Toys and takes aim. Wolverine knocks it out of the air with relative ease, though and keeps charging, and lands an attack on the inexperienced detectives. He tells the little girls that their Toys aren’t worth shit – which I think is a contruct of the fansub – and decides to use them as bait for Milky Holmes, who he doesn’t realize really aren’t coming.

Kazumi has other plans, as she staggers back up and promises to take him down by herself, which didn’t quite wirk last time, but I admire her spirit. Unfortunately for Kazumi he snikts the next arrow out of the air, just the same as the last one, and the next one, clinging on to the words of Milky Holmes to “Just Do It”. As Kazumi presses her next attack, Alice puts up a shield to protect her in-over-her-head friend, and…

UntitledIt amplifies her arrow tenfold, and knocking Wannabe-Wolverine hard into a brick wall, and onto a mattress placed on the ground, spitting up the Down from inside of it, because this is 1945 and we still use Down mattresses. The Girls run up in time to have him call them “bitches, as Alice takes note of the falling feathers, and tells him that they’re the “Feathers” (real original name there) and they’ll protect the area as great detectives, just in time for the Phantom Thief to faint or die or something.

Alice is understandably confused as to how Kazumi’s weak little arrows did this, and Kazumi replies that she doesn’t have a fucking clue. Just then Feathers hear police sirens and cheese it. Kokoro-chan (still without the rest of G4, come on the Phantom Thieves have come back, is there any reason the rest of G4 who are adept at dealing with Phantom thieves are still stuck at their desk jobs now?) checks over the thief’s body or corpse and remembers him from the other day, he is or was a member of the “Colored-something or other”. Whatever the girl wh’s accompanying Kokoro’s name is now corrects her, and Kokoro corrects her that that’s not important.

UntitledShe tries to make up for this mistake by pointing out a card sitting behind his sunglasses, that if he were still alive could fall into his eye, and ruin him for life, therefore he must be dead, because that would be horrifyingly inconsiderate. The card reads “The feathers were here”, which likely doesn’t mean shit to Kokoro because she doesn’t know who or what the fuck that is.

And the episode ends. leaving us with one thought… how the fuck did they make that card that fast?

RATING: 1 OUT OF 5

Posted in Futari wa Milky Holmes, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment

Free! – Iwatobi Swim Club Episode 2 – Memories in the Distance!

Gou Goes Wild

Rin and Haruka get ready to start their race that they started so long ago, and set the race at a 100 meter free-style, as they jump in and the other two comment on their varied styles, the OP starts.

After the OP, Rin lays about in his bed until he gets a text from his sister, Gou. He doesn’t seem to happy to talk to her, and flings his phone across his bed, exclaiming “Kuso”, which some fansubbers would translate as “Fucking Shit Ass Bitch Fucking Cockin Cunt”, or something. The text asks if he went to see Haruka and the others. Clearly, Rin is creeped out knowing that his sister is apparently spying on him. He mumbles about never being able to beat him, thus telling us that Haruka whooped his ass back at the pool.

Haruka for his part, is still playing out his sick object fetish with water, even shooting some from his hands, close to his crotch area, at a nearby dolphin toy.

UntitledDisgusting!

After this sickening display, at school the boys are being read the riot act for now not only breaking into an abandoned swimming pool, but breaking into an enitrely different school, as well as their pool. The other school however decided to not make a big deal about this, because they’re Japanese, and the Japanese fear making big deals out of things. Ms. Frizzle tries to back him down though, and attempts another terrible, and useless saying to save the day about a fish or something, until… the principal, I guess (?) interrupts that he hates fish, leading her to lower her head in shame.

Later the boys discuss how useless she was, and ask for Haru’s attempt to slander the poor, useless woman… and they realize that he’s gone. He probably found a water fountain, and is desperately trying to splash the water on himself. No, he actually walked way ahead of them, and since they lack peripheral vision, they just noticed this. Meanwhile Gou walks towards them in their direct line of site, so they can actually see her. Nagisa and Gou then get into an argument over the correct way to pronounce her name. Nagisa is technically correct, as her name is Gou, but she prefers Kou for whatever reason, Gou quickly learns a valuable lesson to never argue with a crack addict, as he pulls the old Bug Bunny trick on her, to make her say “Gou”.

UntitledLater, Gou is curious if they meet up with her brother, leading Nagisa to say that “Rin-chan is so mean”, and cries that he completely ignored he and Makoto, probably because Nagisa is still is unaware that he is in fact a boy, but that’s another story.
Anyway, even gou has had trouble contacting the boy, having called his phone, e-mailed him, and called his dorm. Nagisa wonders why he changed so much, apparently Gou was using the boys in her ploy to make him open up more, but it didn’t quite work.

Makoto catches on that she somehow tipped off Rin to the boys being at the swim club, being found out, she tries to explain that, um no, she was just trying to help, as flashbacks reveal that she was in fact eavesdropping on the boys earlier, and sent a text to Rin that he never replied to. This is also why she went to Haru’s place though how she found out where he lived is anyone’s guess.

UntitledNagisa having not heard anything anyone else has said, has a brilliant idea: Let’s start a swim club. Makoto and Gou are completely confused at this completely random suggestion, but it appears there’s a bit of a method to Nagisa’s crack induced madness. If they start a swim club they’ll get to see Rin at tournaments. Makoto isn’t sure however if Haruka will go for it, however he plays it cool by telling them whatever, while knowing in the back of his mind, he’ll have an excuse to get his freak on with a pool full of water, without being labelled a “trespasser”. Later, in apparently Haruka’s living room, Gou protects her innocent virgin eyes from Haruka’s form as they explicitly explain that Haruka will be expected to join the club. Gou then has a bit of an interesting internal dialogue about not ogling naked men, but her lustful urges reign supreme as she turns around and…

UntitledUntitled

Gou goes wild/ Haruka finally takes note of the stranger in his house, to which Nagisa fills him in that this is Rin’s little sister, apparently realizing that this is a girl. He calls her Kou, which Gou likes very much, though this is mostly due to the fact that she’s not water and thus he has hazy memories of her. She apologizes for what her brother did, and he insists that this strange not-water skin monster making noises at him not to worry about it. He then goes to his kitchen to make some food. Nagisa wans chocolate, but since they’re in his house, and he’s doing the cooking they’re having Mackerel. Nagisa then goes to “help” Haru make the Mackerel, at which point Gou notices the one trophy the four boys got for winning a relay competition. She notices that everyone in the picture is smiling, except Hsruka of course, who had to be away from water to take the picture.

Rin reveals that Rin has come back to Japan every year for New Years, much to the boys’ surprise as they thought this was Rin’s first time in Japan since he left. Nagisa again thinks that this is mean, and Haruka gives a slight reaction for the first time something other than water were mentioned, that Makoto notices from like several feet away, with Haru’s back toward’s him.

UntitledThe next day Nagisa has already picked up a new club registration form, and in front of the others even fills out what the club’s purpose, seemingly so no cute girls can get together and make a club where they just do cute things like waste school resources on their useless club. He makes Mako the Club Captain, to his surprise since Haru’s faster, but Nagisa essentially tells him that Haru’s completely worthless and would never commit to such responsibility, in a round-about way. But Haru will be the Club Vice-captain, meaning if Msko dies then he becomes the de-facto President, and if he dies then the Club Speaker of the House becomes Captain. Haru didn’t sign up to do any work though, and isn’t thrilled about being the nomination. Nagisa backs him down, and insists that Vice Captain’s have no real power, he’s just as useless as the Queen of England, offending both Vice-Captains and the Queen of England. Nagisa ignores this and makes himself the trasurer, so he can be close to the money so he can keep his crack supply up. Now they just need a Faculty Advisor, I.E. a Teacher. Nagisa wants to ask Ms. Frizzle, because he heard a story from the other students. He doesn’t say what it is, though.

UntitledThey ask her, and she declines. Likely, because she has other shit she’d rather do, than watch over a bunch of students in her off-time. Nagisa explains that he heard she previously had a job that involved swimsuits, again, not saying what it was. This causes her to turn purple in classic cartoon fashion. She then whispers and wishes to know who she learned this from, it was some random character we do’t know or care about from their class. Makoto who’s not very good at picking up hints thinks that she must have worked for a swimsuit designer, to which she nervously “admits” to. Makoto then hopes that she’ll be able to inform them of the technology being used in competitive swimwear, falling for the marketing ploy by sports companies that there’ some super-secret “technology” involved in the first place They then ask her to “Advise” them, and bow at their teacher. She begrudgingly agrees to help her dumbass students.

UntitledHaru who has more dignity instead just sits on by a window and flinches by looking at the Sun, because it’s not made of Water. Meanwhile, Gou goes to see her brother, but he’s not in. She then barges into the swim club’s area and goes over all goofy again, at the site of all those hot, wet men. One of those hot wet men asks if she’s the one looking for her big brother, he then goes over goofy himself and declares her cute. She then cutely tells him that she’s looking for her brother Rin… and he doesn’t know who the fuck that is, or more there’s no one on the team by that name.

Back at nightmare swim club, Rin has again trespassed and is walking around and stops in the room where they oddly left a bunch of pictures up. His eyes quiver at one and that’s it.

Next day (I guess) Ms. Weirdie sternly informs the boys that after careful review… they’ve been approved. Mako and Nagisa are exceited, knowing that a former swimwear employee would be one they could count on. She reels at this response, but comes back to tell them that they need 4 members to have a club, and they have three people – teacher doesn’t count – so they have to find one more member.

UntitledAnd there’s one more condition, she says as she shyly hides behind the paper…they have to clean the unused pool that has grown plants all over, and is is complete disarray. Mako and Haru weren’t up for this, and try to leg it, but Nagisa and Ms. Swimsuit “Model” stop them. They both give them the same expression, and tell them that escape is futile, and they said they were willing to do anything. A montage plays of the boys picking out the weeds, and going to a hardware store that specializes in pools to witness Haruka strip and attempt to get into a fishtank… dude’s fucking nuts, and showing off their horribly photoshopped posters, and dragging in the art club to paint the pool.

UntitledThe boys are finishing cleaning the last parts of cleaning the pool, as what’s her face talks about how nicely a job they’ve done, at which point Nagisa screams at her to help, as she sits in a chair, with an umbrella and watches the boys do all the work. Meanwhile, Gou walks her way into the area and comments on how clean the pool is, Nagisa immediately tries to draft Gou to help with the pool, as she screams that he call her “Kou, or he won’t get any of “this”. (Woah, moving a little fast there don’t you think, Gou?). Later, Nagisa runs around trying to recruit people finally adding a doll of the Iwatobi club’s mascot, Iwatobi-chan, and people all walk away wanting nothing to do with the swim club. Nagisa, dissapointed whines about it, while Haruka whittles more Iwatobi-chans. Nagisa declares it’s time for their last resort. Their adviser will give them the shirt off of her back (literally, if the have the right amount of cash). Nagisa’s plan involves informing the masses that she is their adviser, and tell everyone they’ll get to see her in a swimsuit if they join. However, Frumplelina has other plans and says that she’ll quit immediately, and says that she said she’d never put on another swimsuit again (for free).

After the stern warning, Mako is painitng the fence, as Gou brings him some food. She questions why they never started a swim club in their first year (other than they grew out of caring at the time). Haruka wasn’t interested, apparently so there was no need to even try. Haruka quit their middle school swim club in like one year, as well, and hasn’t done competitive swimming since. gou wonders if her brother also has very little interest in actually swimming as well, explaining that he didn’t join the swim team at the school he attends, she assumes that he’s so weak weak willed that he must have quit because he lost to Haruka. What a pussy. However, Mako has a different idea and we go back to when they were swimming at the swim club at the top of the episode. Nagisa and Makoto uselessly pose into the camera and comment on the race. They’re pretty much even, except they’re not, except they are, except they’re not because Rin’s legs put him ahead. Until Haruka decides that he needs not rely on other people, just to drift throught the water for his freaky water fetish… and Rin wins.

Gou is surprised, Rin won? Then why’s he acting all weird, and not responding so she figured he got that ass whopped. Nope, Rin won… and wasn’t happy about it. Haruka tells him he did great, and now he’s mad. What a fucker. Rin grabs Haruka by the goggles (that are hanging around his neck) as Fujoshi everywhere have a starting point for all that homosexual erotic art they’re going to draw, or Yaoi as they call it, until a teacher breaks them up.

UntitledHaru never gave a shit about the competition, he just wants to spank it to water. Gou remembers seeing her brother all excited about winning the big relay, and insists that Makoto let’s her join the club, since they’re in want of a 4th member. Her reasons are that they’re the only ones who can bring her brother back to the way he used to be. She figures she can serve as their manager, which is a useless title so they can make up the ranks. Nagisa who’s nosey, andhas noone to talk to, because Haruka’s not giving him anything wants to know what the hell they’re talking about, and he tells him the good news. They’re official. Haru then manages to give a sibilance of human emotion for once.

UntitledMakoto tells his mother who’s giddy with excitement, while his kid brother and sister fight over food. His siter stole food from her brother because fuck him he never eats it anyway, but he insists he does eat the meat, dammit. He then stops the argument, by giving his kid brother his ham, to which his sister, who will likely be morbidly obese in the future asks for some more. He gives in to the future fat girls demands, and give her his ham too, at that moment he’s informed that the swim club is finally being torn down. Haruka looks at the wreckage as a pizza boy from Pizza Boy Pizzeria talks to him about how sad it is. He then asks if he ever attended the swim club, and Makoto realizes something, as we’re shown images that features the boys, and a figure shwoing it’s back to the camera in each shot. He’s Coach Sasabe! The pizza boy is confused, until he tells him his name, they shoot the shit, as coach now works part-time as a pizza boy, because he has no other skills. He asks about the boys, because the last time he saw Rin he looked glum, one time when he was closing the pool for the year, the impertinent boys forced him to open so they can have a race, one that Rin lost and cried like a bitch about. This was after he started going to a swimming school abroad, and it somehow didn’t magically make him faster. The boy walked off dejected over how his new school is ripping him off.

Makoto finally understands the reason Haruka quit competitive swimming, because he hurt sore-loser Rin’s feeling. Makoto who’s somehow gained Rin’s number tells him they’re starting a swim club, so he should get his ass in gear and join his school’s swim club, because they may meet up at a tournament. Rin begins saying that he’s already joined the swim club (to himself) and that he’s not joining to swim against them but for some other vague reason.

UntitledThe next day, the club toasts to the pool they fixed up (Well, Three of them) and mention that it’s not warm enough to swim yet… But Haruka can’t take it any longer, he’s got the feeling in his pants, and he has to swim goddammit. They throw in chlorine tablets to christen the the pool, but as Haru gets ready to take care of his water boner, Gou gets a boner all her own. Haru get’s in the unseasonably cold water and completely ignores everyone’s warnings about the pool, and dies from hypothermia.

That’s all folks. The end of Free. See you next week.

RATING: 3 out of 5

Kind of middling episode, Haruka’s complete enrapturement with being in or near water is definitely a thing to behold. While Rin clearly wants to be the best, he’s a pretty big sore-loser, and may have detected that Haruka during their race, didn’t race as fast as he could (because he started fantisizing about the water again during the race, and may have lost a step. That’s what I got out of his sudden, fantasy.Gou has also progressed as a very interesting character, with her tricept fetish. Makoto is still utterly useless.

Posted in Free! - Iwatobi Swim Club, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment

Stella Women’s Academy, High School Division Class C3 Episode 2 – I Am Charged with Guarding the Lady

In her bed Yura remanences over the game she played the previous day, and the amazing skill shown by her sempai. She turns over in her bed and declares that she just doesn’t know. A curious voice asks what it is she doesn’t know. It’s actually a naked girl, standing in front of her letting the air have it’s way with her private parts.

UntitledYura is freaked out to say the least.

The naked girl is actually Sonora, Yura’s roommate who we actually met last episode. After putting on clothes she introduces herself properly to Yura, who’s surprised she knows her name, but Sonora explains that it is written on the door, so she just pt the clues together. Sonora asks if she’s gotten used to the place, because she should, since it’s heaven. Yura begins playing in her hair as a sign that she’s nervous again, and tries to break the awkward silence with a horrendous question about Sonora’s bath habits. Sonora explains that she just so happened to take her shower then, because she got home from a shooting competition in America. Her legs get “like this” after long plane rides so she went jogging after coming back. Sonora’s stomach prevents a second awkward silence as she inspects two rieballs sitting on the table, Yura tries to warn that they’re leftovers from the day before but Sonora doesn’t care and eats them anyway, commenting that they are perfectly made, and the rice was “squeezed together without being squeezed”, or some nonsense.

UntitledSonora then begins having a flashback to her younger (well, younder-er) self trying to press riceballs. She whines to “Master” about having to press all these riceballs, who doesn’t listen and instead shoots a Bonsai tree with an airsoft gun. He takes a bite of a riceball then chews out the impertinent little girl that tihs one’s too tight, this one’s too loose, and this one’s just not right. He then threaten’s to keep an airsoft gun for just a little bit longer, he then tells her to “squeeze without squeezing. Which sounds more like an excuse for him to get the little girl to make him more food.

Sonora finally snaps out of it, and looks at the girl sitting across the table from her, she’s playing with her hair again, and she wonder’s if Yura has mastered this nonsense without ever hearing it once. She asks if Yura has a master, Yura takes note of Sonora again, but isn’t sure what she’s talking about, Sonora nervously backs down from the question and asks her a new one, about if she’s thought of which club to join. Yura tells her no, but she did get an invitation from some “weird girls with guns”, and they shoot at each other. Yura reveals the ending to last week’s gun fight that she got shot, therefore Kari won, in case you thought Yura pulled a last minute miracle shot. She practically gushes over he experience.

At the clubhouse, Kari who clearly has nothing better to do, decides to rub chalk on an eraser, then  run with the eraser leaving chalk in it’s wake. Yuchiyo blames Kari (again) because Yura was clearly scared and had no clue what she was doing, Rento disagrees and believed that Yura was having a great time. Honoka believes that regardless of whatever the fuck everyone else was talking about, one more nudge should be all Yura needs to join their club. Rento thinks they should lure her with cake, but Kari tells her she already did that making her sad because cake is all she’s good for. Yuchiyo decides they only have one option, while standing and dropping the pellets she was holding in a dust pan, that option is to slap her with a wad of cash. While tha’s an excellent idea, and would get many people to join their club, they quite clearly don’t have that kind of cash just lying around.

Sonora, meanwhile, is doing some recruiting of her own and asks point blank if she’d like to join C³, she’s not quite sure what that is, then realizes that’s the group with the girls that shoot each other. Sonora tells her that’s correct, and that she is the President of that club. Yura freaks out and apologizes profusely but Sonora reassures her that she’s right, they are weirdos. She asks her did she have fun and despite her gushing over it earlier, she’s a little more reluctant to answer that one. So, Sonora ask if she’s not interested. As she tries to answer this new question, she hears the girls she met earlier talking through the walls, and squirms a bit while Sonora smiles happily in her face. She’s not disinterested, however she feels she won’t fit in and she’s sure she’ll just cause trouble for everyone else.

Sonora seems down, but puts on a smile and assures her that in that case there’s plenty of other clubs then she heads off for another run. Some time later after her run, Sonora is walking through the halls, when she’s ambushed by the rest of C³ who want to know if Yura decided to join. She tells them that she declined, and Kari angrily tells her that she was a perfect candidate and what are they going to do now? Honoka insists that she must have a plan, and Sonora again tells them no, if Yura doesn’t want to join, then Yura doesn’t want to join. The girls however take this entirely the wrong way, and decide they have to try harder now to recruit her.

UntitledThey follow Yura who’s trying to decide where to eat her lunch at with a particularly depressed look on her face. C³ then set their genus plan into action. Rento ambushes Yura and asks her to fill out a questionnaire. Yura scared out of her mind agrees, then Rento presents the form and asks her to ill out her name here. She agrees, but a major flaw arises in C³’s plan, Yura can read, and as such she reads that this is an application to join C³. Knowing they’ve been rumbled, Rento retreats. They try again with Kari, dresses as an “omomancer”, and tells her that if she fills her name out she’ll tell her her fortune. She then presents the same registration paper. Yura, who can still read, freaks out and legs it, this time they just decide to give chase instead of retreating.

Sonora, reading a book on  top of the school building takes note of her crazy club members and nervously chuckles at this blatant violation of Yura’s personal space, and then pretends to sleep so she can pretend she never saw them, in case Yura tries to bring them before the principal.

The members of C³ having lost Yura spread out in front of the bathroom, which happens to be exactly where Yura is currently hiding. While eating her lunch in a stall (gross) she wonders why they’d even want her of all people to begin with.

Sonora, still pretending to sleep, is “woken up” by her club members and even admonished for not forcing Yura to against her will join C³, like the rest of them are doing. Speaking of whom, she’s followed them to the roof, and grabbing a hand full of hair nervously babbles about. C³ want a clear answer, but she’s not giving it to them until Kari decides that they’ll just do a war game to decide. Putting Yura on a team with Sonora and the rest are their own team. This isn’t quite the response Yura was expecting, or even Sonora. The rules are set that if Sonora and Yura wins she doesn’t have to join C³, but if they lose then she does, and Sonora gets her own punishment having to polish the guns in a swimsuit.

UntitledWell Sonora is in, though Yura hasn’t said she will or won’t yet. Sonora then mock her club members by saying that she won’t even carry a gun, and she’ll still win. This girl’s hardcore. Rento thus declares this a VIP battle, and as per usual Rento doesn’t know what’s happening but is worried that they’ll Sonora full of holes, clearly forgetting that they’re not using real bullets. Sonora says she doesn’t have to worry because she’ll have Yura to protect her, and declares her her guard. Yura has no idea what she’s supposed to do though, then Sonora puts her hand on her shoulder and tells her to trust her. Well, that’s enough assurance for Yura apparently.

The rules for VIP battle are explained. They’ll use the entirety of the old school building, Yura has to guide the VIP, Sonora from the third floor to the first floor and out of the door unharmed, and she wins. If they take out the VIP, Sonora, however they win. Yura thinks this oer in her head, and is told that if she kills all the assailants it also counts as a win. There are multiple stairways, but she can’t use the same ones multiple times, likely to assure she actually goes through a floor, instead of just running down the stairs.

Now that the rules are explained Sonora has another question…

UntitledOh my.

Turns out the VIP always wears a dress, it’s a C³ rule, which seems like a lie as Sonora is the president and pretty clearly was surprised by wearing the dress. She give Kari a smack for insinuating that the dress looks horrible on her, and they decide to begin in 5 after the after-school bell rings. Inside, Yuchiyo has set up on the third floor, Honoka and Rento on the second and Kari on the last, cracking her neck as they wait for the games to begin. Sonora checks out Yuchiyo with a mirror, and tells Yura to make sure that the safety is off. As sonora gives more last minute instructions, Yura accidentally pulls the trigger and begins rapidly firing at their cover. As Yura recoils from this, Yuchiyo has her in her sights, but Sonora rescues her. Welp, there covers blown so Sonora tells her it’s time to go, Yura retreats back into her nervous attitude decalring she can’t do this, then Sonora in her dress jumps between cover, opens a door and tells Yura to fire constantly. Yura does as she’s told and nervously fires while running, forcing Yuchiyo to take cover herself. She look up sees a few frightening figures and begins firing, Sonora calms her down amd makes her take note tht they were just the pictures on the American founding fathers… in a Japanese classroom. Sonora pulls out a handgun that was hidden in a busted open Violin, likely because she’s low on bullets, since she wasted so many of them.

Sonora then pushes out a kettle drum and rushes Yachiyo, she gets up and fires at her with a handgun and shoots at her until Sonora overturns the drum and the bullet richochets off the empty back and hits her. She’s hit.  Honoka declares that she screwed up, without taking into account that Sonora is good. Yura just lackadaisically walks down the stairs as Honoka fires at her, before she decides to retreat back up. They then decide to take a different set of stairs, since they didn’t go down, logically they can go down the next set on that side. Rento assumes that they’re instead going to jump from A THIRD STORY WINDOW, because Sonora would never go down the stairs the regular way, and as she holes up in a classroom the two girls run past, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT FUCKING INSANE.

UntitledThe girls use a mannequin for distraction, that Honoka fires wildly at. She stops and realizes they were messing with her, as Rento takes an appropriate position inside the building. Yura raises the gun behind the mannequin which is calls for Honoka to fire wildly at it again, as the bullets fly, they pull the mannequin back in, as Rento jumps out and fires at same-said mannequin. Which of course means that they’ve now “hit” each other, and Kari, their ace, is the last one standing. Apparently this was Yura’s plan judging by Sonora’s praise.

UntitledYura insists that they have no chance against Karila, she’s actually good. Instead Sonora decalres that it’s getting good now, and rushes on ahead, while Yura whines. Kari is ready, but so is Sonora as they make a plan for the ace shooter. Sonora kicks open a plank on the floor, and saw a giant hole in it, she plans to get the drop on Kari. Yura isn’t too sure of the plan, going so fr as to call it cowardly, at which point Sonora reminds her what’s at stake. Yura complains that the hole is dirty, and almost screams at the sight of a bug. They look ahead to see Kari also in the hole, as she apparently had the same plan. Sonora leaps out in her dress followed in short order by Kari who literally runs up the fucking wall and on the ceiling. Sonora takes cover and Kari slides into position and begins firing until a meta plate floats into the air, it’s Sonora and she’s taken a shield. Yura, who’s proving to be a terrible bodyguard watches from the hole.

UntitledYura’s imagination overtakes her and she imagines Sonora in a frilly(-er) dress taking hand-to-gun combat with Karila who’s in a black suit. Sonora tells her to take the shot, at which point Yura rambles and hesitates. Kari takes aim, decalres it “over” and Sonora drops back through the hole. Karila suddenly becomes the worst airsoft player ever and stands in place and shoots wildly into the hole. Yura moans that she can’t do it, ayt which point Sonora tells her her balls were good… her rice balls that is. She tells her that squeezing the trigger is the same as squeezing riceballs together, taking a page out of her Master’s book for making little girls make you more riceballs. I’m not sure how it helps in this situation, but whatever. She puts her hand on Yura’s hand as she hold her gun and tells her that she knows she can do it, and tells Yura that she can even call her “Sono-Chan”.

UntitledThey come out of the hole, and stand together to take aim at Kari, who likely ran through her bullets after she became a drooling moron of an airsoft player, and she’s hit! Yura doesn’t have to join C³, and Sonora doesn’t have to clean their guns wearing a swimsuit! On the walk back Sono and Kari shoot the breeze, while Yuchiyo, Honoka and Rento lament letting an excellent prospect in Yura get away. Meanwhile, Yura’s heart begin pounding so loud no other sounds are heard in the area, and Yura watches the people who she’s grown to admire will now walk out of her life forever, until she mumbles under her breathe that she will join the club, Rento turns having barely heard her. She repeats, that she will join C³, even though she won the game and doesn’t have to. Rento is the most visibly excited, especially after drafting her herself.

UntitledRATING: 4 OUT OF 5

Posted in Stella Women’s Academy High School Division Class C3, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment

il sole penetra le illusioni ~ Day Break Illusion Episode 2: The Blood-Soaked Future

We start off in room, where Lil’ Akari is playing with blocks then a pair of legs walks into the door, exciting the little girl for obvious reasons… oh, turns out it’s just her mother. She hugs Akari who points out the bloody gash on her arm surprising her mother who apparently didn’t realize that Akari could see things that are in her line of sight, and she hurriedly tells her little girl that she’s fine and hugs her again. Meanwhile, a slightly less lil’ Akari wakes up in a strange bed in a strange building, next to her a deck of tarot cards. As Akari surveys her surroundings the over-dressed girl from last episode comes into her room. Her name is Etia Visconti, which is a really stupid name, she tells Akari that the gypsies are fine and recovering at a hospital, then welcomes Akari to Sephiro Fiore.

UntitledEtia explains that she bought her here to both protect and proposition her, she tells Akari that she did indeed fight a monster, and a more stern voice tells her it was a Daemonia, because “demon” was too stupid a word. The stern voice belongs to Ariel, Etia’s Deputy Director (so, they’re like Cops or something?), Ariel also overdresses in a similar fashion to her apparent boss Etia, which, unless it’s a uniform, is just weird. The Daemonia are apparently very “by the book” monsters who grant wishes, and make their… victims (?) sign legally binding contracts. The Daemonia then make their ugh… partners (?) slaughter others, and are the cause of all the wars in the world. Sephiro Fiore however was established to take down the Daemoia and their legally binding contracts. SF operates under the horrendous cover of a “Fortune-teller school”, and they have various branches all over the world. Their “organization” has 21 members (Wow) who can use the Elemental Tarot, which is the power Akari used last episode.

These powers are instrumental in destroying the Daemonia, and without these powers, well… they can;t destroy the daemonia. Anyway, Akari just so happens to be the 22nd person they were looking for, as she can use the “Sun” card. Etia asks Akari for her help, but Akari reasonably doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. Etia tells Akari that her Mother fought with them too, Akari then asks Etia if she knew her Mother, in case she was lying just a second ago when she said she knew her Mother. Etia then tells Akari something that her mother allegedly said about stopping these unfortunate events. Akari asks if she can really do it, then Ariel, who has not moved an inch or said a word until now, asks of Akari is Hinata’s daughter, in case Akari was lying when she asked Etia, if she knew her mother, who Etia had already said she knew.

After some carefule deliberation, we’re taken to Akari’s room in her Aunt and Uncle’s house with all of her stuff packed up, until Akari notices a black book with nothing written in it. Her Aunt then tells her her rides here, and she’s off. As she gets into the car, she tells Akari that her mother also went to a fortune-telling school when she was her age, in case the audience thought Etia was lying when Akari asked if she knew her mother, after she said she did, before Ariel asked if akari ws her daughter. Akari then responds with stock anime phrase “I’ll do my best”, and then heads off to the “school.”

UntitledWhenever, Ariel assigns the teams, and Akari gets three losers. They’re all newcomers, so they suck just as much as each other. Later the crow that was on Ariel’s shoulder begins talking, and a talking cat says that “She” won’t die in vain now. The losers in Untitleda hall somewhere gossip about their new partner, the green haired loser thinks she looked cool, which is an understandable mistake to make considering the weirdies she’s surrounded herself with lately. She wonders if they can be friends with her (well, they’ll kind of be forced to) Ms. I’m too Cool For School And I Have Blue Hair says that they don’t need to be friendly with their new partner, and the blonde just goes along with the last thing said, and her suddnely agreeing with Ms. Fuck You All, I’m So Much Cooler Than You makes her angry. The two walk off, while Green hair continues to jizz her pantyhose.

Later when she finishes, and assumedly after she changed her pantyhose, she knocks on Akari’s door and introduces herself as Tsukuyomi Luna, I assume her power has something to do with the Moon. She invites her to dinner, because she thinks it’d be nice to eat together (assumedly with the rest of the team) when she doesn’t get an answer, she breaks into her room without her permission and sees her sleep on her bed, with her plants again growing unnaturally large in a short amount of time.

Akari is dreaming of the time she was Lil’s Akari again, and her mom was in the hospital, and Lil’ Akari grabs her mother’s tarot cards to be admonished by her that she promised not to touch them. Akari wakes up to…

UntitledDude, what the fuck?

This violation of personal space doesn’t scare off Akari though, in fact she thanks her for breaking into her room, and sleeping in her bed uninvited. She also introduces her to her bizarrely fast growing plant, that only grows fast in her room (IT’S BECAUSE SHE’S THE SUN, AND PLANTS FEED OFF OF THE SUN, I GET IT). Akari asks Luna what her powers are, I can’t figure at all what Luna’s powers could be. It’s the Moon, apparently Luna’s powers deal with the Moon, didn’t see that coming, the unintended side-effect of this is that dogs come up to her… sure. Luna tells Akari that she’ll be happy to help her get through her first days at the organization, and also wank while laying in bed next to her, because the first days are the hardest… yeah, I bet something else is hard, too.

Later, Ginka (The blonde) and Seira (Ms. I’m Too Cool For School But I’m Here Anyway Because I;m Too Cool To Generically Skip It) are eating and babbling about their food, and nutrition and stuff no American cares about until Akari and Luna (Luna assumedly on her third pair of pantyhose now)  join in on he already in progress dinner. Ginka introduces them properly to the audie… I mean Akari. Over dinner they begin swapping lives, like how Akari had no idea about this so-called secret organization, which is a secret, until she was let in on the secret, which was now. They begin telling their backgrounds, Ginka was told of tarot when she was little… well, littler and so was Luna, and so was Seira. Which only leaves Akari who wasn’t told at all, possibly because fighting Daemonia is dangerous, so her mother may have been trying to protect her.

UntitledAkari blows this off and says that she just needs to “do my best” and fight, because people being attacked is awful. The next day the girls go through the regular school beats, with Luna and Akari bending each other over in gym (Hey!), and doing everything else that you’d do in a normal school. Akari assumed there’d be more training and tarot reading, apparently this is on purpose to keep the girls ready for the real world just as much as their Daemonia fighting. Background music plays over a PA it’s their cue for a mission, the girls run down a dark 3D corridor  through a set of 3D doors into a room full of computers, gears and overly complicated machinery, the four girls each get into an individual cage-like apparatus, while the weird triplets run the overly complicated protocols.

UntitledThe machinery lifts the girls up high opens the floor under them and drops them into the spot on the floor where they were standing. The triplets tell the girls to “do their best”, and they call them “Onee-tans”, because the translator was too lazy to translate that. The girls each fall through giant versions of their cards, and transform into their magical girl counterparts, while saying words at them except Akari, who doesn’t quite know what the fuck is going on still. The girls teleport into a dark and empty forest scape with bare trees, and complete darkness. The girls are attacked by a large swarm of tiny gnats. After murdering the gnats a giant Preying Mantis walks out of the darkness and begins roaring at the girls. Wasting no time (no time for planning) Akari rushes the Mantis at which point it opens it’s chest and releases more gnats upon the girl. Seira creates an ice gun that shoots ice bullets, while the other do less cool fighting.

UntitledAfter Luna binds it (I bet there’s something else Luna wants to bind) Akari rushes in to finish it off as she does the weird orb as seen in last weeks episode appears again and as she’s destroying it she remembers a certain somebody, her cousin Fuyuna who she murdered in cold blood, apparently. The realization of this makes her revert to her civilian identity, and allows Zorak to release more gnats to prey on her unprotected body. Ginka protects her however using Pay Day as Akari crashes to the ground. Luna then has the job of taking her back to safety.

Back at Sephiro Fiore, Etia explains that they had to alter her memories, so she wouldn’t remember murdering her cousin, apparently the shock of which almost cause HER to be taken over by a Daemonia. Akari asks why they do such cruel things while Etia’s breasts remain silent. Akari with tears in her eyes scream that this means she killed Fuyuna twice, which makes absolutely no sense, she decalres that they should have just let her alone as she’d rather have been taken over by the Daemonia. Etia tells her that as successor to the Sun card if she had been taken over they’d have to kill her, as opposed to the others taken over by the Daemonia who they’ve killed.

While in the shower, Seira apparently remembers someone who she must have murdered when she “awoke”. Because this is a DARK magical girl show, where the only way to get in is to KILL the ones you love. SO DARK. The memories and history of ones killed after being infected by Daemonia are erased, and Akari as such will never have to answer for any future MURDERS she commits. WHICH WILL BE ALOT. SO DARK, YOU GUYS. As Akari cries over her mother’s grave, her aunt comes in and has a chat with her. She apparently ran away from the school, and her Aunt is confused, she said she wanted to go, and the rest of the bullshit Akari feed her as to why she went. Akari mentions Fuyuna, and her Aunt has no idea who the fuck that is, this cause her to cry more, and scream that she’s sorry.

UntitledAkari has also apparently passed says the talking bird and cat, since sh’sremained (mostly) stable after regaining her memories. Etia begins raising her voice at the bird, until Ariel backs her down, the bird replies with what amounts to “That’s what I thought you said”. Akari mopes at a peer and declares she has nowhere to go now, when the dark voice from last episode says “terrible”, likely giving his opinion on this episode. She looks up and sees a man on a boat emanating a dark aura as a kid tells his dad to hurry up. The Mast of the ship suddenly breaks off and heads for the Father and Son pair until…

THAT’S THE END OF THE EPISODE.

This show is so dark and deep.

RATING: 2 OUT OF 5

Posted in il sole penetra le illusioni ~ Day Break Illusion, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment