When Supernatural Battles Became Commonplace ep. 4 ~ Remember When This Show Was About Kids Getting Superpowers?

Today’s Supernatural Battle that has become commonplace, is Chifuya wants to quit school.

If the show had just presented itself from the beginning as yet another Slice-of-Life show, instead of pretending to be about the potentiality of them using those powers to fight supernatural battles, I probably wouldn’t be so hard on it. But so far, it’s just thrown characters at me, and wants me to care about them, like they’ve done some big thing.

Also, this show has a strange problem of referencing other shows, almost as if the people behind it would rather be working on those other shows. I never watched Kill la Kill, so I don’t know any of the references. This week’s reference, I guess comes in the form of Kuki Madoka, who’s last name is Madoka, like that other anime that people liked so much. References to other shows don’t make your show more interesting, guys.

Nothing important happens this week but Screamy jokes from the MC, and fake sentimentality from a character we just met, also apparently Chifuya can make portals to go from one place to another. This would be important if the show gave a shit about that aspect. The only thing of note is that, girl we’ve never seen before is SUPER SAD that she never hangs out with Chifuya, and Chifuya prefers to hang out with these weirdo high school kids for no apparent reason. They also bring up Kudou again, who I’ve notice has been absent since episode 2.

I’d say there was a stunning lack of “Telling” in this episode, while we didn’t see the initial argument between Chifuya and her friend we did get to see the blow-off. Though we don’t know why she doesn’t want Chifuya hanging out with them, though Andou gives her a reason to resent him in a painful scene where he announces he’s a “lolicon”, and creeps on her because jokes.

There was also a scene in the middle where they use Chifuya’s powers to cosplay, that goes nowhere.

Either way, I couldn’t particularly care less about characters who seem to have no real purpose but throw faux drama at us, and I think this is where me and this show part.

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When Supernatural Battles Became Commonplace eps. 1-3 short review

This won’t be the same as my previous posts, it’s an expedited post to help get something back on this blog, so bear with it if you loved the full length ones, now onto the review:

Episode 1:
I would have liked if the first episode actually showed these characters getting used to their powers, instead of timeskipping several months in advance, and having MC explain their powers. For a show about characters gaining Superpowers, the show doesn’t seem that interested in actually showing us their superpowers.

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Episode 2:
I didn’t really dig the second episode, they tried to hard for my taste to make what’s-her-face suddenly likeable, after making her a prick the first episode.

It’s only the second episode, I don’t know enough about this character to care if she’s crying about a break-up from the world’s most disingenuous relationship, pink hue doesn’t suddenly make me care about her.

Also, their powers were barely even mentioned this episode. The crux of your show is that these kids get supernatural powers, where are those powers?

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Episode 3:
So, I’m starting to wonder why the show even went with the Superpower hook in the first place. This is three episodes and they haven’t really moved the needle on that, except to keep telling us that Andou is so with it when it comes to their powers, and how awesome he is by getting people to stop calling the one girl names, and he told them this and that, and he told purple-haired chick to never revive the dead, and he told the elementary school loli to never bring inanimate objects to life. I feel the show could be better if they learn the simple rule of “show, don’t tell”.

Maybe they’re building to something with the new character, but again, it would mean a lot more if we actually got to see the characters use their powers in some meaningful fashion, other than to cheat at Tennis.

Also, it feels like half the episode was filled with boring nonsense about kanji meaning, and feel like the other half of the script was written by a random word generator.

 

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For a show called “When Supernatural Battles Became Commonplace”, they sure aren’t interested making it commonplace. Maybe they blew through the animation budget in episode 1 to make us think that this show is super awesome, and that we should totally watch it, before they comfortably melted back into being a run of the mill Slice of Life show.

Meh.

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Chaika – Coffin Princess Episode 1

A spooky voice opens by expositing about the Taboo emperor, and Chaika’s obligation to set in motion fate or some such.

UntitledMeanwhile in a forest a blue-haired young man walks about slicing up trees complaining about his inability to fidn money just lying around on the floor of the forest, until he hears some rustling in a bush behind him, he braces for a rabbit to hopefully make stew out of until…

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That’s not a rabbit. That’s not a rabbit at all.

The non-rabbit girl – who is in fact Chaika – spins around to notice the young man standing just beside of her, and she ducks back down for cover, and begins scurrying off, hitting rocks until finally escaping… to right in front of the boy.

Chaika speaks in broken Engli… uh… Japanese, and assumes he’s here to attack her. He clears thing up that he’s just here to hunt for edible plants and food, because he’s poor and jobless. She repeats back these words to him, which kind of upsets him, even though he told her this already first.

He asks what she’s doing out here, and instead of explaining she simply tells him that he did not see her, he did not see a thing, tell no one.

He doesn’t quite get the message and starts asking her questions, like “is that a coffin? “What’s in the coffin?” “Are you a murderer?” The accusations of being called a murderer don’t quite sit well with her as she explains that she’s just a traveler, a simple, stupid weak traveler who doesn’t even know the language. She’s on her way to “Delsorant town”, but she’s hopelessly lost, and has been wandering around the mountain for 3 days.

According to Mr. Nosey it doesn’t take 3 days to get through the mountains if you travel normally, and Chaika is shocked to learn that she’s hopelessly lost. He asks if she has any money, and she takes this as him trying to rob her, she begins screaming at her, until he sets her straight that, no he’ll take her to town if she buys him breakfast. She ponders this for some time until a creepy voice starts up in the background.

UntitledWhy, it’s only history’s most frightening unicorn, as it chants it’s incantations, it begins rushing them, as they run off, Chaika trips, and the boy tries to convince her to ditch the coffin, but she refuses, because it’s valuable goddamn it, so he instead insists that she hold onto it for dear life, which is what she’s been doing, and then they run off a cliff. They float down a little until landing on a tiny chunk of land. She notices the bloody mess on his arm and offers to help, but he’s pretty much resigned to their fate. The Unicorn will find them in only a matter of time, so he officially declares it hopeless. This depresses Chaika, as the boy explains that he feels completely incompetent, and would thus have no problems if it all ended right here.

UntitledChaika then finally opens her coffin to reveal her GIANT FUCKING GUN! Thus revealing that she’s a wizard, and possibly hated by the editing staff of ANN because OH MY GOD, GUNS! She insists that like she is also incompetent, but her gun… or GUNDO can do many things… like kill a horrible manifestation of fiction’s most frightening unicorn. Yes, but she needs time, because during the incantation she cant move, or all’s ruined. He decides to buy her the time, and begins chanting an incantation of his own. “I am steel. Steel knows no fear. Steel knows no doubt. When faced with my enemy, I hesitate not. I am a weapon to destroy these. IRON BLOOD TRANSFORMATION!”

He turns red then begins thrashing about on the unicorn’s back as Chaika sets up the gundo. The boy and the unicorn fall into the river and continue thrashing about as Chaika sets up the shot, but they pop out in a different one, so as she re-adjusts the Unicorn waltzes higher and higher into the air, and the boy begins stabbing it in it;s neck. the Unicorn finally bucks him off, dropping him into the river and tres to recover, but Chaika has finished her incantation, shoots her magic… uhh.. whatever? and…

UntitledThe most gruesome (and possibly only) death a Unicorn has ever faced in fiction.

Having killed the dreams of millions of little girls worldwide, Chaika excitedly runs up to the both to haphazardly shout that they’re both alive, and survived thanks to him, and asks him again to show her the way, we also finally get his name. It’s Toru. Toru Acura. She then introduces herself as Chaika Ga- then corrects herself (by saying “correction”) and introduces herself as Chaika Trabant. Which seems suspicious, but whatever.

Later a bald man talks to the dead unicorn (well, at least one half of it) and says that he should have used it better, and calls it “Fayla”, which is a little late to be  naming the thing since it’s dead, but, whatever. The man is quite clearly hunting Chaika Ga-, Chaika Trabant, and is shocked to learn that she’s gained an allie.

Meanwhile, Chaika and Toru are at a restaurant and in typical anime hero style, Toru is a goddamn pig, shoveling food into his craw like a barbarian, without giving a damn who sees. Chaika is terrified with good reason. Toru explains that exercise make him hungry (and a manner-less caveman) and explains that he has to eat when he can, he confirms one more time that Chaika does in act have the coin to cover this, and she agrees, and he start back at it, until a voice asks him where the edible plants are he was supposed to be getting at the beginning of the episode are.

UntitledToru almost chokes, which may or may not have to do with dumping food down his throat like a dispose-all as opposed to who’s talking to him. And who is talking to him? Why it’s another girl, mad that he’s eating lunch with this girl, instead of bringing back the goddamn bacon. They start wrecking up the place as she tries to apparently murder him, as she’s sick of him sitting around their house ans not lifting a finger to work, as she earns all the money. As she continues her attempted murder the generically drawn background NPCs talk about what a shithead Toru is, and not, you know about this girl fucking up the restaurant.

Toru attempts to tell Akari (that’s her name) that it’s “not like that”, while she swing with her weapon again and bursts a wine crate, forcing him to finally drop his food (that he managed to hold throughout the assault), she then reveals that they are in fact brother and sister, and not lovers (though, this is anime, so who knows?)

Later, the woman who apparently owns the place reads Toru the riot act rightfully for forgetting his sister was also hungry and waiting for breakfast, she veers off course  and then wrongfully barks at him for wrecking up the place, even though, it was his sister, and not him who did it, she comes back around and rightfully shouts him down for leaving the costs of breakfast and the repairs to a girl he just met. She then calls him a “loser” as he makes hand-wank motions with his eyes.

He fills his sister in that Fayla attacked him, and he and her defeated it, and the breakfast was bought as compensation, he insists that she can believe him, and shows him the wound, and tells her that Chaika is a wizard with a Gundo. Chaika then speaks up and gives them a “work request”, she wants to hire the siblings. Toru sees… less than enthused. He hasn’t worked in years, so he;s not exactly ready to hop back on the horse, however Akari convinces him with the threat of violence, so he reluctantly agrees.

UntitledMeanwhile at a huge palace, the MOBILE OPPRESSION PALACE begins lumbering into the gates. Inside the regular palace two men introduce themselves, Robert Abarth is apparently the king, since he even has a picture of himself in the background, and Albéric Gillette, was apparently who rode in on the Mobile Oppression Palace, with his harem. Albéric cuts the small talk and says that while he heard Robert was instrumental in taking down the Gaz empire, he wants the article he recovered from the battle. Abarth refuses and tells his french maid to get the door for him, which I guess it the polite way of saying “get the fuck out”.Albéric then waxes that while he knows how he feels this concerns the peace of the ENTIRE continent, and not just his kingdom, Abarth then watches him leave from his window, and closes the curtain like a gilted lover.

Meanwhile, in some shit shack in the woods, Chaika tells the duo the duo the job, in the worst approximation of their language as she can. She wants to charge and seizure Count Abarth’s manor (hey, where have we heard that name before?) But zeize what? Why, the “important thing” of course, she’s know it when she sees it she insists. And she needs it at ANY cost.

UntitledMeanwhile in the Mobile Oppression Palace, Albéric discusses Abarth’s dig, and notes things like “too few guards”, and the entire atmosphere just being weird and unbecoming of a Lord. They also figure that Chaika must realize that Abarth is one of the Eight Heroes who conquered the Gaz empire back in the day. The Cat… boy… thing and the girls set off to “keep an eye out”.

UntitledLater on, Akari is seen running about the roof-tops of the city and meets up with Toru, they wonder what they’re supposed to be stealing, but Chaika refuses to tell them, so they just decide to concentrate on the job. After stalking out the place, they return to their shit shack and talk over plans, Akari wonders if they can trust Chaika, not as an employer, but as a wizard as Chaika hangs dough over a line and uses her gundo in a misguided attempt to flash cook bread, that ends in an explosions and very dodgy imagery as the dough is splayed all over the place.

UntitledLater, back at the palace, even Toru thinks it’s odd there are so few guards, and he’s the one breaking into the place, so that should actually be a good thing from his perspective, right? As they begin Toru Adam Wests up the wall and takes down the one inept guard, and the girls make him lift Chaika’s coffin up the wall, while Akari starts the “I am steel” incantation, and repels Chaika up on her back. When on top of the tower, Toru throws another grappling hook at the actual palace, then asks Chaika to  open her coffin, and then zipline the coffin across the space, with Chaika nowhere in site (I wonder where she’s at?) Toru unlatches the window from the outside with a kunai, but this wakes up Abarth. Toru and Akari struggle to drag Chaika’s coffin into the room silently, and once they get it in, they open it to reveal that inside it’s Chaika, who’s moaning about the very rough handling of the coffin, it’s as if they worked for UPS or something.

Once inside they try to ask again what they;re stealing, and again Chaika refuses to tell them, but insists they’ll find out soon. She uses her Gundo to locate the “important thing”, and finds out that it’s in the center of the mansion. The gangs splits up with Toru taking the first floor, he sneaks around until he reaches an unlocked room, and walks in. He looks around the room, until… Abarth walks into the room. He, however, incorrectly believes Toru to belong to the same company of people he shooed off earlier, Toru obviously has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about, and then Abarth begins attacking him, by making the swords on the wall magically fly at him, he artfully dodges though, and is surprised to learn that Abarth is also a wizard. Abart then insults Albéric, who he thinks is his boss still.

Akari shows up and tries to chuck her kunai at him, but he stops them in place, as Toru warns her off that he’s a wizard. Chaika seem surprised to learn this, too. He smugly observes the two, and, almost has a heart attack upon seeing Chaika. It can’t be, he says, she supposed to be dead, he says. As Chaika kind of just stands in the room with the world’s most oblivious expression on her face.

RATING: 4 OUT OF 5

Posted in Chaika - Coffin Princess, Spring 2014 | Leave a comment

Pokémon: Origins – File 3: Giovanni

Red is continuing his journey to become a Pokémon master, and is racking up a bunch of adventures we don’t get to see. like beating Erika, and fighting some “suspicious looking guy”, who leads him to “the boss of Team Rocket”.

UntitledOther mundane stuff happened, that we also don’t get to see, including Charmeleon evolving into Charizard. But who wants to see that shit?

Anyway, Red is in Saffron City, and wonders to the Silph Co. A company that makes tools regularly used by trainers, Blue tells Red that “Gramps” talks about them all the time. Red still narrating explains that they saved  a woman being harrased near the local Pokémon Center by Team Rocket. What Team Rocket were doing to her, or how Red and Blue saved her, who knows, because we’re only shown Red pulling her through a crowd with Rockets following behind. Red’s narration explains that this woman was a secretary to Silph Co.’s President. Blue repeats this information in case any of the viewers are as slow as Red.

The Secretary (or, by Gen I standards, SECRETARY) explains that the Rockets were after her because they took over Silph Co. for the Master Ball, because apparently she carries it in her purse or something. The Master ball, she explains can catch any Pokémon it wants, but it’s only a proto-type thus far. But Team Rocket are pressuring the President and it’s Scientists to work faster to finish it, because rushing people to finish big scientific developments surely doesn’t result in rushed and less than shoddy work.

The Scientists have been locked in and forced to work day-and-night to work on the Master Ball, and the police haven’t been informed because as we all know scientists don’t have families that would notice their sudden and unexplained absence. And even worse than Team Rocket keeping grown Men and Women as hostages, they’re experimenting on Pokémon. Those bastards.

UntitledRed angrily states that if Team Rocket keep going and are the only ones with the Master Ball, Blue finishes by saying that Team Rocket will be able to catch a lot of Pokémon. The secretary, who the camera is focusing hard on a shot of her ripped pantyhose for some reason, explains that The President has tried to contact the outside world for help, but he’s being watched too closely, so it was up to her to escape and get the word out to the police. She stands up and begins limping off and thanks them for saving her.

Later, the trio peak out from a building adjacent to Silph Co. were Rockets are standing around, arousing no suspicion at all in their uniforms from the criminal organization they are a apart of. Red tells Blue to take the Secretary to the Celadon Police department, because despite Saffron being a big city it clearly has no police force to speak of. Blue unlike Red doesn’t jut do what people tells him, and leaves Red and the woman alone to deal with Team Rocket.

UntitledRed doesn’t like that plan, and shows his displeasure by getting all up in Blue’s grill. He asked if he felt anything at all about the Pokémon he heard Team Rocket caught… and you know, the hostages, too. Blue relents and agrees to take her as far as the Celadon Police Station, which is still  a whole fucking town away, and Red is pleased. The Secretary then asks what Red intends to do when they’re away, and he plans to storm the Silph Co. because he’s a dummy. Red explains that he those Pokémon need his help, because the people are just fine with their current arrangement. When asked why he doesn’t wait for the police he says because then the Pokémon would continue to suffer, while the hostages live it up, being forced to against their will do experiments day-in-and-out.

Somehow Red sneaks in and releases a bunch of Pokémon, and then the scientists, while he screams at them “Get going! Hurry up!” like they’re fucking animals or something. Apparently the Rockets in charge of watching them all went to the shitter at the same time. To thank him, one of the scientists gives him Lapras. He claims it’s a very clever Pokémon, and can be used to swim across the seas.

UntitledRed like an idiot busts in the door, where they are keeping Silph’s president. Red is surprised to see Giovanni, as Giovanni remembers him from their hideout in another scene we didn’t see. Giovanni tells Red that he and the President are discussing business and he would like for him to fuck off, but Red speaks up and tells Giovanni that the police are “on their way”. Giovanni then says that all of Team Rocket’s mighty plans have been felled by a kid, and tells the grunt that it’s time to leave, but Red gets in his way and claims that he’ll stop him. Giovanni then gets the grunt to open his breifcase, and taes out a Pokéball. Red throws his Pokéball and out come Charizard, and on Giovanni’s side, a very manly sounding Nidoqueen. The two Pokémon take up uite a bit of space in the small office room, and this is probably not the best place for them to fight. Giovanni calls for a Double Kick, and the masculine female-only Pokémon rushes at Charizard and kicks him in the face, while swinging his/her tail, and smacks him with it, knocking him through the wall. Giovanni mocks Red saying he thought he’d put up more of a fight, as he snaps his fingers, and Nidoqueen rushes Charizard again. In a panic Red calls for Flamsthrowere, while Giovanni calls for Surf, which for whatever reason forms a ball of water in Nidoqueen’s paw.

The two attacks connect, and create an explosion that destroys the top of the Silph Co. building. After the dust settles, Giovanni mocks an unconscious Red, before recalling his Nidoqueen. Red comes too, and asks why Giovanni is using Pokémon this way, and Giovanni explains that to him Pokémon are just a business. Red insists that they’re not tools for business but our fwends! Giovanni mocks him, and says if they’re his friends, why does he allow them to suffer through battles, as he looks to his still KO’d Charizard. Giovanni’s helicopter getting way to close to the exposed Silph Co. building than is legitamately possible alows him to escape with a maniacal laugh. Red begins narrating that Team Rocket escaped before the police could arrive. Hmm, weird, apparently storming the building they were holed up in, and informing them the police were coming wasn’t the best of ideas, was it?

UntitledRed gets over letting the bad guys escape pretty quickly, and challenges and beats the Saffron City Gym Leader, Sabrina, and takes on the Fighting Dojo, and takes one of their Pokémon. Afterwhich, he rides Lapras – who by the way doesn’t look to pleased to have been just handed off to some random dumb kid – to Cinnabar Island where he “visited” the Pokémon Mansion, which used to house a whole bunch of Pokémon, but has now been abandoned. Though while inside he read some books about “new” Pokémon being discovered in the jungle. He then beat the Cinnabar Gym Leader Blaine and his giant doggy. Afterwards, he eavesdrops on a couple talking about the Veridian City gym leader being really strong, but he’s been away for awhile, so long in fact, that they had to close down the Gym. But now he’s heard from “some of the guys” that he’s back. Well, Red is just ver the moon. The strongest Gym leader? He just has to meet him, so he can tell him what it takes to be a great trainer.

Red gets to Veridian city, and who should he run into but Blue. According to Blue Red’s as slow as ever, and it shows. He correctly guesses that he must be here because he heard the Gym Leader is back. Red wonders if he’s saw him already and he opens his vest to show that he has the gym’s badge. Unlike Gary, Blue only has 8 badges, not 10, so he sucks, too. Red is impressed, though. Blue insists he was no match for his genius, and says that surely it’ll be too much trouble for him, then he leaves and tells him he’ll smell him later.

Red is at the gym, and is told that the Gym Leader is away, so Red is allowed to just hang around the office, because whatever. Apparently Red took not being kicked out of the gym as an invitation to just wander about and go in any room he wants, as he goes into the gym room, and remarks that it’s much different than the other gyms he’s visited. As suddenly the leader is welcomed back and to Red’s shock… it’s Giovanni!

Red proving Blue correct that he is in fact as slow as ever asks why he’s here, so Giovanni has to clue the poor idiot in that he is in fact the Viridian City Gym Leader. Giovanni admits though that th Gym is mostly just a front to hide Team Rocket’s real work. Giovanni surmise that he must be here to take on the gym for a badge, then, and Red says that e’s not a gym leader. Which is of course incorect as he is a gym leader. You see the other gym leaders, while all doing things totally different from each other (kind of like giovanni leading a criminal organization, instead of Gym Leading) but all of them loved their Pokémon. So, red refuses to believe that Giovanni is the strongest Gym Leader. Unfortunately, not believing it, doesn’t make it so, as Red goes overdramatic and proclaims that he’s challenging the enemy of all Pokémon.

Giovanni mentions his previous fight against Blue, and that he was far greater than most of the trainers he’s faced, but decides that he will not face Red “as a Gym Leader and as his Pokéballs are replaced by Ultra balls, he wonders why facing him makes him lose his cool.

UntitledGiovanni sends out his first of two specially chosen Pokémon that will force Red to his knees, and it’s a Rhyhorn, so Red decides to go with a Victrebell that he just so happens to have. Red orders a Razor Leaf and as Victrebell lunges toward Rhyhorn, Giovanni orders Horn Attack and… knocks it out in one hit. Red recalls the wounded Victrebell and sends in Kabutops, Giovanni is surprised to see that Red knew he uses Ground-types, which is a weird sentiment for him to have, as he just referenced that Red clearly knew he used Ground-types.

Red telsl Kabutops to use Slash, and Giovanni tells Rhyhorn to use Take Down, and Rhyhorn gets the better of Kabutops.Red orders hydro Pump as Rhyhorn uses Thunderbolt, and takes Kabutops out. Red recalls Kabutops, and sends in a Snorlax. Snorlax uses Hyper Beam and is taken out by Rhyhorn in one hit by Horn Drill.

UntitledRed is down 0-3, as he seems to be completely outmatched in every way, and seems to have no real strategy to speak of as he’s just throwing Pokémon into the fire, so after recalling Snorlax he sends in his horrifyingly ugly Jolteon… against the Ground-type Rhyhorn. Giovanni mocks Red’s terrible attempts at battling for putting in an Electric-type against a Ground-type. He tells Red he’s disappointed in him, then immediately wonders why he said such a thing. Red orders his Pokémonstrocity to use Double Kick, but Rhyhorn takes it out in one hit… with Thunderbolt. Giovanni reveals this is possible, because the difference in their Pokémon’s levels are too great. Apparently Red hasn’t trained a single Pokémon not named Charizard, and it shows in his absolutely horrendous showing against Giovanni.

UntitledGiovanni reminds Red he only has two Pokémon left, and Red chooses… Hitmonlee, which he apparently got from the Fighting Dojo. Why he didn’t send it in instead of Jolteon is anyone’s guess, though it’s mostly because he’s terrible. Giovanni realizes that this battle however is making him feel exhilarated for some reason. As Hitmonlee uses Rolling Kick and scores a good hit on Rhyhorn’s chin. Rhyhorn then retaliates with Horn Attack. Giovanni feels that he’s felt this “excitement” before as Hitmonlee uses Hi Jump Kick and Rhyhorn hits back with Take Down. As Giovanni and Red simoultaneously call for Horn Drill and Mega Kick at once, as both  Pokémon take each other out. It took him the entirety of 5 Pokémon, but Red has finally taken down Rhyhorn, and they’re both tied. Of course, as it took 5 Pokémon to just barely take down one of Giovanni’s, the odds would certainly appear to be in Giovanni’s favor, would they not?

Giovanni reveals his next Pokémon will be Rhydon, the evolved form of Rhyhorn, and that Charizard does not match up well at all with it. As Giovanni talks down to Red, Red tells the biggest bullshit ever, and says that he wanted his last Pokémon to be Charizard, and says that either he wins with Charizard or it’s meaningless… fortunately, his other Pokémon who he wildly flaffed into battle with no reason are still KO’d and didn’t hear that they’re sacrifice meant fuck all to Red, because he only wants to win with Charizard.

UntitledRed states that he won’t lose to Giovanni, he says his Chaizard is proof of how far he’s come, while his other Pokémon are proof of how much he’s phoned it in. Giovanni goes through an internal mnologue in which he realizes that Red is a lot like he ws when he was a kid with a Charmander. He then wonders… if he could have been this child… well, hopefully a smarter version of him.

They both order a Mega Punch from their respective Pokémon, and they bth land and do a decent amount of damage. Red orders a Mega Kick next against Rhydon’s Fury Attack, Charizard’s attack misses, but Rhydon gets Charizard right in the gut. Charizard goes flying into the wall, and is almost out, and to finish the job, Giovanni demands a Horn Drill. As Rhdon charges at Charizard Red calls for a desparation Seismic Toss, Charizard dodging the Horn Drill picks up Rhydon and slams him into the ground.

Charizard wins!

Giovanni is impressed, and offers Red a Gym Badge. Red angrily (and stupidly) rebuffs it, and says he doesn’t need a Gym Badge from the boss of Team Rocket… though he does of course need one from the 8th Gym Leader, so unless he’s going to pull a 9th gym to challenge out of his ass, or something.

Giovanni then turns to his two grunts and… and… officially disbands Team Rocket. The Grunts are horrified, he tells them to get the word out to everyone of their members that they are now unemployed. Giovanni then turns back to Red and re-offers the badge to him as “The Viridian City Gym Leader”. Giovanni tells him that if he wishes to complete the Pokédex, of which there are only two in the world, so how does he know it exists, he’ll have to face much stronger Pokémon on the way to face the Champion of the Pokémon League.

Giovanni tells him to take the path he did not, and insists he’ll try to find a new path, as Red says he’ll find the way. HE’LL DO IT!!!

UntitledRATING: 2 OUT OF 5

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Pokémon: Origins – File 2: Cubone

Red plot dumps on us of how he continued his journey after defeting Brock. He purchased a Magikarp with his hard earned prize money because he’s an idiot, he battled a Super Nerd who found fossils at Mt. Moon, and fought ” a suspicious group” known as Team Rocket. We don’t get to see Red doing this however. He even recovers a TM from one of the Rocket Grunts, of course he doesn’t say which TM it is, so use your imagination. He beats the Water gym leader Misty, and Charmander evolves. He recieves HM01, again not saying what it does, or why he got it. He gets an old Rod from the Fishing Guru, and a Bike with the Bike Voucher he got from the President of the Pokémon Fan Club, why he gives it to him, who the fuck knows? He also defeated Lt. Surge. Anyway, all that shit out of the way, Red is on his way to the land that launched a million shitty Creepypasta, Lavender Town.

UntitledHopefully the music doesn’t give him a headache and make him kill himself.

Red is getting his Pokémon healed up at the Pokémon Center when he overhears a man talking about hearing rumours of a ghost appearing in Pokémon Tower. “Pokémon Tower”, says Red who can’t process things unless he hears it twice. The guy then says that a lot of people claim to have seen it as well, because of course, people don’t lie. The ghost also assumedly causes seizures and suicide, and is named “syndrome”. Red asks if what he said about the ghost is true, and the man who hasn’t seen it for himself and is just going off of what people have told him says that yes, it is true. Red asks what’s Pokémon Tower, and the man informs Red that Lavender Town is known as the “grave site of Pokémon, which is incorrect as it’s not the town but the Tower that the Pokémon are buried in, but whatever.

The woman who was standing next to the man, informs Red that the Tower is in fact the grave site, and she shows him through the window the large Tower sitting square in the middle of town. Lot’s of people come from great distances to pay their respects making Lavender Town apparently the “Mecca” of the Pokémon (Origins)-universe. Red then asks if the ghost the man was talking about earlier is a Pokémon, and the man seems quite sure, despite not seeing it for himself, he then dismisses it as just a rumour, despite mere moments ago saying that it was true. The woman then asks if Red believes  in ghosts, Red says no… maybe? Then the woman laughs and claims that the white hand resting on his shoulder must not be real either. Red freaks the fuck out and looks at his shoulder to see that it was made up Creepypasta bullshit. He turns to the woman and tells her to stop kidding him… only to see they’ve disappeared before his very eyes.

Spooky!

The non-Nurse Joy nurse calls over Red to inform him that his Pokémon are fighting fit, and that she hopes to see him again… which is exactly what the Viridian City non-Nurse Joy nurse said.

Eerie!

She then asks if he’s by any chance on his way to the Pokémon Tower, since it is apparently Mecca, he says yes, and tells him that he should probably check out the Pokémon House first, for some reason. Since Red’s in the business of doing what people tell him to do, without finding out why they want him to do it, he does just that.

Red goes in and asks if anyone’s there, and a little girl responds and comes out. Fortunately, the nurse wasn’t a member of a gang, and didn’t lead Red into an ambush to get his shit kicked and robbed, and the Pokémon House is instead a place where abandoned or orphaned  Pokémon are sent to be taken care of the little girl explains while looking around the room for some bizarre reason, apparently trying to make sure Red isn’t a member of a rival gang and his crew aren’t hiding in the 4th dimension or something.

The little girl who may or may not be a gang leader shows Red to the back where we see people embracing the abandoned Pokémon, as Red explains he’s never seen so many abandoned ones before. The girl says he should talk to Mr. Fuji the founder of the ga… uhm, the orphanage, he says lot’s of people believe Pokémon to just be tools, or accessories, and likely orphaned them if they were the wrong nature, or had bad IVs. The bastards.

The house used to be Mr. Fuji’s actual house, that he renovated to accommodate the orphaned Pokémon, says the girl, who for whatever reason says “Did you know”, before telling Red this. Red thinks that this Mr. Fuji sounds like a swell guy, and the girl tells him that he is, that’s why people round town have been “volunteering” to help him, and she’s one of them. Her name’s Reina. Red tells her that his name’s Red, and throws in a “Hey there”, apparently in an attempt to swoon the pretty young thing.

“All the Pokémon look very happy”, says Red, until he turns to see a Cubone hiding in a corner of his pin making growling noises. “What’s with this one”, asks Red apparently not grasping the whole abandonment thing. Reina tells Red that this baby Cubone is only freindly toward Mr. Fuji, but isn’t fond of anyone else. Why is that ask Red, and Reina explains that it’s because of Team Rocket. “Team Rocket” says Red, making sure she didn’t say “skippy doodlebop”, or something.

UntitledReina explains that just outside of town Team Rocket were off capturing wild and unclaimed Pokémon, of which Cubone was one of them. A grunt stands over Cubone telling him that he might as well let him catch him, until they’re attacked by a shadow. The shadow was Momma Marowak, which begs the question of why the other Pokémon didn’t bother to fight back, as they greatly outnumber them, and have powers and shit. Well, we may have an answer because as Marowak tells it’s child to flee, one Rocket decides that instead of capturing the powerful Pokémon, he’ll fucking kill it, he takes out an electric rod (but Marowak’s ground-type?) and shocks it to death. Cubone hears it’s mother’s final cry while running off, and stop frozen in depression. Cubone stands by the rock it’s mother was killed at until at least dawn (I guess Team Rocket decided against catching it for some reason), when Mr. Fuji comes up to it.

He get’s down on his knees, as Cubone starts snarling, and comforts the now orphaned child Pokémon. It begins crying in his  arms. Reina explains that since that day, cubone has refused to open up to anyone except Mr. Fuji. Red is rightfully angry at hearing this

Later, Red thanks Reina for showing him around, and says that it makes sense the receptionist (nurse?) told him to go there. It really doesn’t make sense, but Red’s a dummy. Reina keeps talking up Mr. Fuji, and Red tells Reina that he’s working on completeing the Pokédex, without realizing that Professor Oak just invented it, there’s only two, and thus Reina likely has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about. Red says he wants to meet Mr. Fuji, and asks which of the people currently in the room might be him.

“Well, that’s just it…” says a suddenly glum Reina. What is “it”? We get our answer in form of a man rushing through the door, exclaiming to know where Mr. Fuji is. The people rush up to find out where their fearless leader may be, he’s in the Pokémon Tower. “Pokémon Tower”, says the people doing their best impressions of Red. Yes, apparently someone said they saw him head that way, and even go in to the Pokémon Tower.

“Why would he go in there?” asks some man behind Red, which would normally be a dumb question, since people go there all the time to pay respects, but not this time as Team Rocket are holed up in the tower. A woman assumes that he went there to “convince” Team Rocket to leave the Tower. Red asks the man what hapened at the Pokémon Tower as the man asks who the fuck is he? He tells the man that he hopes to learn everything he can from Mr. Fuji.

UntitledThis is apparently good enough for the man, as he begins telling him the story of Pokémon Tower, it’s pretty simple really one day Team Rocket showed up and made the top of the Pokémon Tower their base. Why they made a grave site their base, who the fuck knows. Reina explains that out of the blue, Team Rocket rolled up on their hood in a giant semi-truck, apparently driven by the drunkard of Team Rocket. For some reason, the back of the truck was filled with an entire 6 Rocket Grunts (Well, 5 in the back, and 1 to drive). Why the fuck they rode in the back of the semi should be left to your imagination.

UntitledThe Rockets then disallow anyone from actively visiting the tower themselves… by pushing them down the stairs. Red doesn’t get it (surprise, surprise) why are they so cruel? A Creepypasta writer decides to but in and announce that a ghost appears, as she desparately tries to get people to believe her shitty writings. The other night, she claims she snuck into the tower when Team Rocket weren’t looking and then, a voice told her “GET OUT! LEAVE THIS PLACE!” she then dropped her flowers and ran away. She tries to sell her bad fan fiction by saying it was “unbelievably scary”. A man mentions that if people can’t come and visit Pokémon Tower, then the town is finished. Mostly because the town’s entire economy is tied up in PokéMecca. Reina has an idea, though. They’ll all go to Pokémon Tower to save their leader.

The response she gets is likely not the one she expected as they all respond “fuck that”. One woman claims their really strong as the Creepypasta writer mentions the ghsot again, in case people forgot, because GHOST.

Reina ets pissed and says that their boss went to Pokémon Tower to protect them from the rival gang Team Rocket, are they just going to abandon him? The Woman claims that they’re not abandoning him, they’re just not going to try and make any attempt to rescue him. It’s totally different. The man who found out where Fuji was reason that surely the ruthless gang of thugs Team Rocket will just, let Mr. Fuji go, since they’re such swell guys and all. Reina can’t believe their such pussies, and Red seeing his chance to impress Reina offers to go. The adults are surprised, they were such huge bitches, surely a child can;t be stronger than all of them. Red says he’s pretty confident about his skill in Pokémon battles and shows off his three gym badges. Hopefully the Rockets are afraid of shiny things and will run away at the site of them.

Red decides that he doesn’t care if he’s outnumbered, he’s going to succeed. Blue for some reason is peering through a door in the side of the house and overhears this, and decides that he he get’s rid of Team Rocket then he can be the hero.

Red for whatever reason waits until night time, and starts  getting cold feet at the site of the tower, as the scary music that has been known to cause suicide, because that’s totally  possible begins playing. Red walks through the tower with a flashlight, because for some reason the residents of Lavender Town weren’t smart enough to put actual lighting in the tower, or clean the fucking place, until he sees some woman.

The woman immediately claims she’s not a ghost, for whatever reason, and Red breathes a sigh of relief. The woman claims to have come to see her Nidoran, and Red asks if she’s afraid. She’s not because apparently the ghost only appears farther up, and that it must hold a grudge against Team Rocket. Which is weird, since it doesn’t really seem to be actively harming Team Rocket in anyway.

Blue can’t believe the town’s people believe there’s a ghost in the tower either. He surmises that Team Rocket must have made the story up to fool the people, and keep them from infiltrating their super-secret base. Blue calls himself “The Genius Blue”, and declares that he’ll throw them out.

On the top floor of what is now team Rocket’s super-secret base, they have rival gang leader Mr. Fuji bound as three Rockets sit around polishing their balls, as one excitedly asks if the other two have heard about the Creepypasta of the ghost. The fat one is scared and says he doesn’t like those kinds of stories, while the tall slender one believes it to just be a Ghost-type Pokémon playing pranks. But the first one says that it’s an actual, factual ghost.

Tall Rocket dismisses this and says that’s why they have “this”. Why “this” is a device known as the “Silph Scope”. It’s purpose is to identify unidentifiable Ghost-type Pokémon, so it’s got to work on real ghosts, he assumes.

UntitledMeanwhile, Blue is on his way up to level 6, and wonders if Team Rocket is even in the tower, which is a good question, as they’re apparently not using the Tower for any real special purpose, but sitting around doing nothing. Why would they make this their secret base anyway, it really makes no sense. Anyway, as Blue heads to the next set of stairs, something spooky happens… it’s a ghost. It tells him to “LEAVE THIS PLACE”, Blue never one to ignore orders from a ghost, does just that as he drops his flashlight and runs for the hills. One of the grunts has move on to polishing his rod, as he hears Blue’s scream, as the fat one claims “it’s the g-g-g-ghost”. Tall Rocket just assumes that someone snuck in to the public establishment and goes to check.

Red heads towards a flight of stairs until Blue come barreling down and…

UntitledWoah!

UntitledOh my!

Blue confides in his buddy that there’s a G-g-g-g-g-g-ghost in the tower. The ghost appears, and continues to tell them to “LEAVE THIS PLACE”, Red then asks, so there really are such things as ghost, after seeing a ghost before him. Blue tells red let’s run away, but Red declines saying he can’t run away, probably because he;s too stupid. He then sends in Charmeleon, Charmeleon growls at the ghost, which surprisingly doesn’t scare it off.  Blue uses Charmeleon’s distraction to sneak around the ghost, and continues back up the stairs.

Tall Rocket shines a light on Blue and asks what he’s doing. Well, Tall Rocket is human, so Blue can totally take him on and sends in Wartortle. Back at the Pokémon House Cubone begins ramming the door to his pen, as Reina comes in to let him out, to find out what his problem is, as he bolts for the exit. Red tells Charmeleon to use Scratch, and as you’d expect he goes right through the ghost, not leaving a scratch. Red can’t believe it, Pokémon Battling a ghost isn’t making his problems go away, and that’s all he’s good for.

UntitledUntitledJust then Blue throws Red the Silph Scope, Red has no clue what it is, so instead of telling him, Blue tells him he’ll know when he puts it on. Red then does just this and discovers that the ghost is a Marowak, he jumps to a rather big conclusion and assumes it’s Cubone’s mother as if there’s only one Cubone and/or Marowak in the world, but as the Marowak ghost informs them to not get close to “them”, it hears Cubone. Cubone runs up to the ghost of it;s mother and gives her a big ol’ hug. D’awww. Red declares there’s no need to keep on fighting it, which is good for Red as he was getting his ass kicked, and he recalls Charmeleon. As the two embrace Marowak hovers and finally rests in peace.  As the Rockets try to regather themselves, they wonder where the Silph Scope could possibly be? Red angrily throws the Silph Scope at the Rockets, which is bizarre since it’s not their’s to begin with, and announces himself as the guy who came to kick them out of this place.

UntitledHe holds a Pokéball upside down, and tells Jolteon he’s counting on him… that’s right, apparently this incarnation of Red uses a Non-Pikachu Electric-type Pokémon, and the ugliest of the Eeveelution family. Meanwhile, Fat Rocket Grunt sends in Koffing. Koffing knocks Jolteon off balance with a Tackle. Red orders a Quick Attack, and Rocket orders a Smog. The ugly bastard, Jolteon manages to dodge the Smog, until Cubone tosses it’s bone, and clears the smoke out of the room. Fat Rocket asks “what’s that”, as if he didn’t try to capture it a couple days… weeks… months(?) ago. Red uses his ugly monstrosity of a Pokémon to use Thunderbolt, and he knocks out Fat Rocket’s Koffing.

Fat Rocket recalls Koffing as the other two apparently left their Pokémon at home today, and declare that they’ve been defeated by a little kid. Fat Rocket threatens to remember Red for this, and I’m sure Red shit his pants after hearing this, as the three Rockets leave their really shitty secret base. Reina holds up Cubone and declares “we” did it, which is weird, as she didn’t do shit, but once you in the gang you share your accolades with the rest of your crew.

They then head upstairs and Reina is excited to have spotted their leader Mr. Fuji, Red begins untying Fuji, as Fuji rightfully asks who he is, Renia sets him straight, that Red is the one who defeated Team Rocket in Pokémon battle. Mr. Fuji declares that Marowak’s restless spirit must have finally been put to rest, and he has Red to thank for that. Later people return to PokéMecca to pay their respects for their dead Pokémon, as Reina plays with Cubone’s who’s voice actor didn’t get the message that “POKéMON DON’T SAY THEIR NAMES IN THIS VERSION, THAT THE OTHER ONE YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT”, as Cubone can audibly be heard saying “Cu”.

UntitledMr. Fuji declares that everything in town is back to normal, he runs this hood again, and it’s all thanks to Red. Fuji then remembers that he was told that Red was working on a project, the “Pokedex”. Red announces that yes, he’s helping Professor Oak. Fuji’s voice gets lower as he repeats Oak’s name, and lowers his head. He then tells Red that his quest will fail without love for Pokémon, and give him some things that may help on his journey. One of these things is the PokéFlute, it wakes up any sleeping Pokémon that hears Untitledit, why he thinks Red will need this is again, anyone’s guess. And another item in a box, when Red opens the box they’re gems. They have no monetary values, which is likely why Fuji is pawning them off on Red since gangs tend to like money. When Red asks what are they, Fuji tells him he’ll find out soon enough… in about 5 more Generations. and cackles as he walks off. Red then prepares to leave and hops on his bike, that he apparently kept in his backpack, and gets ready to say good-bye to his new blood brothers. Fuji tells Red that if he’s ever in trouble and come back and see him, blood in, blood out. Reina also tells him to come back again someday, maybe when they’re older and they learn about this “sex” thing all the adults keeps talking about.

As Red rides down a forest, he hears Blue call for him. He’s sitting in a tree for some reason, and in that tree he tells Red that he (red) owe him (Blue) one. “Huh, what are you talking about?” Asks a confused Red, Blue says that without him, he wouldn’t have gotten the Silph scope, then Red fires back that Blue was shitting his pants in terror in the tower. Blue refuses this, and claims that Red’s ears were playing tricks on him, and tries desperately to convince Red that he didn’t say that as he rides off into the sunset and into our next hurriedly animated adventure.

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

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Pokémon: Origins – File 1: Red

UntitledOur story starts in a huge room, where Professor Oak gives a lecture of the very interesting creatures that inhabit our world, they are called Pokémon, and he incidentally is known as the Pokémon Professor. He explains that for some people these  Pokémon are pets, but other use them to fight, while contributing nothing to society. He then tosses a Pokéball and out pops an Eevee. He asks are you interested in learning about this Pokémon world. He then proclaims “Let’s get started” and familiar music plays as we’re thrown into a battle between a Gengar and a Nidorino. An annoying announcer straight out of Pokémon Stadium announces that Gengar used Double-Edge after throwing off the Nidorino, who responds with Poison Sting. Then we’re thrown into the room of a familiar facsimile of a certain 10-year old, as the battle continues on his television set.

“Red, are you there” asks a woman who is obviously his mother. “Huh?” replies Red in style familiar to same-said familiar facsimile. Red’s Mother, who’s name is apparently “Red’s Mother” says that she “ran into” Professor Oak, who was apparently bumming about the streets, and he told her to tell Red that he finished “that thing”, he told him about.

UntitledRed then busts out of his room screaming “ALRIGHT”, as he gets too close to the edge of the stairs, and tries desperately to keep his balance while holding a weird pose… and then, BLAM! he falls down the stairs and slams onto his face. He then with the attention span of a 10-year old child completely moves past his possible concussion and put his hat on… backwards. I suddenly hate this kid. And rushes out the door, and doesn’t even offer to help his mother with the groceries she’s currently carrying. He then runs down the streets thinking to himself that finally “it’s” done.

UntitledHe finally makes it to Oak’s lab and runs into another familiar, but different face. He calls Oak “Gramps”, and tells him that he’s going to be first. He then runs into the the lab, with Red quickly in tow. They then barrel into the lab pushing and showing each other, until Oak asks what’s the ruckus, and they both run up to him asking about “It” being done. and “it is. “It”, is a device known as the Pokédex that automatically records data on Pokémon. It’s a high tech encyclopedia, and Red for some reason excitedly proclaims “SCIENCE IS SO AMAZING!” Oak intends to give them both one Pokédex, he then explains that making a complete guide of all the 150 Pokémon has always been his dream, though, how the Pokédex is supposed to automatically record data that Oak assumedly doesn’t have is unknown.

Oak can’t do it because he’s too old, so he fobs his life’s work on two 10-year old children instead because, what the fuck else are they doing, right? Gar… um, Gre… um, Blue asks if Oak remembers his promise, and Oak says that he does. He shows a table with three Pokéballs, and he’ll give them each the opportunity to choose one. The Fire Pokémon, Charmander, the Water Pokémon, Squirtle, and the Plant Pokémon, Bulbasaur. They can choose the one they like. Blue says that he doesn’t need to be greedy like Red for some reason, and allows him to choose first. Red instantly chooses Charmander. His explanation is that because his “father” gave him the name Red, because he hoped he’d grow with the firey-red hot passion of something or other he feels his Pokémon should be a Fire-type. He releases Charmander from his ball and he “graawwlls” happily at his new trainer.

Oak asks if Blue will pick Squirtle, because it’s blue, his name is Blue. It makes perfect sense. Blue resends this idea that he doesn’t have to choose his Pokémon for such a dumbass reason, and picks Squirtle anyway, and assumedly Bulbasaur will be going into the trash after the boys leave.  Oak gives the boys permission to give their Pokémon nicknames. Red thinks for a second then decides against it, he’s apparently the type who would name his Dog “Dog”, it seems. Blue asks if they should “test them out”, as if they weren’t living things sitting in their arms hearing themselves be referred to as things to be tested out. Red stares dumbly at Blue, who then immediately reascends his offer to fight, then calls him the equivalent of “just a kid”, by calling him a beginner, as if he didn’t just get his first Pokémon like 10 seconds after Red.

Blue claims that his ambitions are far greater than Red’s, and says that now that he has Squirtle, he’ll become the best Pokémon trainer in the world, he then rushes off and tells “gramps” that he has his request covered. Oak then reveals that when he was young, he was a serious Pokémon trainer himself, and Charmander let’s off a “MAAWWL!”and Red’s off. Red walks down a forest path as a Pidgey comes out of a bush, minding it’s own business. He tells Charmander to “go for it”, as the startled Pidgey, flies and begins using Gust. Red tells Charmander to use Ember, as Pidgey uses, “Fuck this shit, I’m out of here”, and flies away, Red tries futiley to throw a Pokéball at the crafty Bird Pokémon.

UntitledRed opens his Pokédex to a picture of a Pidgey, but blank space where text would apparently go. “Huh?” asks Red in familiar form again, as he realizes that the Pokédex only records data if he catches the Pokémon. Later, Red is seen chasing down a Rattata, he has Charmander use growl, then tells it to use scratch. Rattata ain’t having that shit though, and jumps to avoid it, only to be caught in a Pokéball, and apparently doesn’t try to escape. Red his his Pokédex out to discover that yes, it has writing in the blank spaces, apparently explaining what the purple rat pokémon is. “THAT’S SO COOL” says the easily impressed little boy, and then a montage show him catching a Spearow, a Caterpie, and (assumedly) a totally different Pidgey.

UntitledSome little punk gestures and asks if he wants to try to battle against his Pokémon, and sends his little Nidoran♀ out to fight. Red is shocked to see a Pokémon he’s never seen before as apparently he thought there were only 4 kinds of Pokémon. Red then sends in Charmander who slams wildly into Nidoran♀. Red then chucks an empty Pokéball at the boy’s Pokémon and an invisible force field activates around the Nidoran♀, then Youngster then recalls his ailing Pokémon, calls Red a fucking thief, Red apparently didn’t think the kid would mind him leaving off with his Pokémon. He then asks where he can get his own Nidoran. The Youngster begrudgingly points him in the direction of the Nidoran horde.

Red walks past a sign welcoming him to Viridian City, and Blue comes by and says that he’s surprised to see him here so soon, he then calls him slow, and says he thought it would have taken him much longer to figure out how to walk a straight line. Blue asks if his Pokémon has gotten any stronger. Red angrily informs Blue that he just wants to complete the Pokédex. Blue rightly informs him that to do so he will infact have to face off against stronger Pokémon.

UntitledBlue then get’s in Red’s face, and speaks softly about how he must not be very confident.

Red takes offense to this, and decides to accept his terms. The two then magically slide 20 feet apart from each other and send out their Pokémon. As another familiar face spies on the two children from behind a tree, like some sort of stalker.

UntitledRed has Charmander use Growl, as Blue tells Squirtle to use Tackle. Red freaks out and orders an Ember as Charmander looks up at him thinking, “Well, what now?” Charmander swings his tail, as that’s apparently where Ember comes from. But his attack misses. Red yells at Charmander to calm the fuck down as Squirtle Tackles him to the ground. Charmander lays on his back as Red orders a Scratch attack. Charmander runs in, misses his scratch (at Squirtle’s head) and slams his paw into Squirtle’s shell. Red orders another tackle, that misses as Blue orders a tackle that slams into his stomach and knocks him back onto his ass.

Red groans and asks his to us Ember again, and “hurry up”, and Blue orders a Bubble. As you’d expect Bubble overpowers Ember, as Red yells at Charmander demanding to know why he’s so slow. Blue scoffs and orders another Bubble as Charmander desperately tries to dodge. “don’t just run away” orders Red as he tells him to use another Ember. However before he can, Bubble washes over him and Charmander is covered in white liquid.  Squirtle then lands on top of Charmander then bite him in the neck as the roll around in the grass. Red is appalled at this erotic display, and recalls Charmander, before he can become a man.

Blue then recalls his Squirtle and and dresses down Red… not in that way fangirls, and tells him that his style is so predictable. Red begins crying before Blue tells him to just go back to Pallet Town. He’ll never make it on his own.

Red later by a river wonders why they aren’t at the same level, I mean, they left at the same time, he then begins bashing Charmander’s Pokéball against hsi head, which can’t feel good for Charmander as a familiar voice tells him that no, the guy who used Squirtle is more experienced. Red asks who he is and why it’s none other than traveling voice actor Johnny Yong Bosch, who, for brevity’s sake we’ll call by his nickname, Brock.

Brock asks Red if he knows anything about Types and characteristics of Pokémon, then tells him he and Charmander aren’t in sync. “Not in sink?” asks Red, before telling him it;s a lie. Brock then waxes on about how Blue’s Squirtle reacted by trusting Blue’s instructions and dodged based on it;s own judgement. Because Blue and Squirtle were connected, Squirtle realized that dodging attacks are better than standing still.

Red thinks he’s got it, and heads off. Where to asks Brocko, and he responds by telling him that he intends to fight EVERYONE WITH POKéMON. Brock doesn’t stop him, but suggests he head off to the Pokémon Center, it’s the only building in the world with a Red roof apparently, Brock also suggests Red face-off against Gym Leader’s too, because Red apparently didn’t get his ass kicked hard enough for his liking, though he suggests he can learn alot from them, and tells Red to think about what battling is really all about.

In the Pokémon Center, again the only building in the world with a red roof, Red talks to Professor Oak as Oak tells Red that after her catching 6 Pokémon, the rest will automatically be sent to the PC. He doesn’t exactly explain why, but Red says that he understands. Oak then takes note that Red is depressed and asks in a bland and totally uninterested voice what’s wrong, but Red lies and says that everything is fine. Suddenly a voice calls for him, it’s a non-Nurse Joy nurse informing him that his Pokémon are “fighting fit”, and they hope to see him get his shit kicked again.

In no time flat Red is apparently in Pewter City, and eavesdrops on two girls talking about the Pewter City Gym Leader Brock who demolished some unfortunate trainer. All Red apparently heard was “gym” and this new challenger has apparently come back everyday, because Brock is “super famous”. In even more no time flat, Red is being stonewalled at the entrance to the Pewter City gym, by some bitch who insists that he’s a “Million light-years away” from facing Brock, apparently to stupid to know that light-years isn’t time, it measures distance.

UntitledThe guy asks how long he’s been with his Pokémon, and he replies “5 days”. The stupid bitch who doesn’t know what a light-year tells him he makes her laugh as she haughtily waves her hand in his face. Then, Brock tells them that he invited him personally. Red is surprised that that famous voice actor who was creepily watching him from the bushes earlier was also a super famous gym leader (me thinks those girls from earlier exaggerated their “super-famous” claim, just a bit). “You mean you’re Brock?” asks Red, who’s living up to Blue’s claim of being a little slow, and the two yell at him not to speak “like that” to a gym leader (Like what?) . The two officially introduce themselves to each other, Brock asks if he has an answer to the question he asked earlier. Red says that he doesn’t, but because he doesn’t, that why he’s come here. Brock is pleased with his answer, and asks if he has any badges. “Badges?” asks Red, because Brock apparently wasn’t clear. But nope, he does not, and Brock decides to fight with these two Pokémon. “With two” asks Red, doing his best impression of a Chatot, which doesn’t exist yet.

BroCk throws his first Poké and out pops a Geodude with a “MEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH!” as Brock explains his specialty is Rock-type Pokémon. Red then sends out Charmander, the fight starts as some sort of HP monitor appears on screen for some dumb reason. Red immediately orders an Ember, and Geodude takes that shit like it’s nothing, he then asks for Scratch and remembers he was counter-attacked at “this” point, so he decides to see what Brocks’ going to do. Brock asks what’s wrong, Charmander looks worried, and orders Geodude to use Tackle. Red orders another Scratch that Geodude could give zero fucks about. “It’s not very effective” says Princess Stupid, Queen of the obvious.

Red again asks for Scratch, and Geodude doesn’t care. Brock says that he doesn’t seemed to have learned shit, and says he’s “pretty sure” he asked about Pokémon types and characteristics. He explains that Pokémon types match-up in totally different ways. “Match up?” asks Red, who is incapable of taking in so many words at once.

Brock straight up tells Red that Fire-type Pokémon are weak to Rock-type Pokémon. “I DON’T GET IT, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY” says Red who’s still trying to grasp that he’s in a gym and that guy he meet earlier was Brock, and what the fuck that tiny dragon lizard thing has fire on it’s tail.

Brock asks that he does have other Pokémon with him, right? “Huh?” asks Red mesmerized at the idea that that talking man-person from earlier was Brock the gym leader and what the fuck are other Pokémon?

He tells him that it’s too difficult to fight at such a disadvantage “I get it”, says Red clearly lying so Brock stops messing with his mind, and he sends in Nidoran, a male one and has it use Double Kick. Geodude doesn’t like this as much and squeals that it’s “Super effective”. Yeah! He beat a Rock-type Pokémon. Brock recalls his Geodude, and sends in Onix. “Another Rock-type?” asks Red who clearly missed that earlier thing when Brock said he specializes in Rock-type Pokémon,Brock repeats this, but surely Red missed it again.

Red then has Nidoran♂ use Double Kick again, as Brock calls for Bide. Brock explains that Bide means that Onix can’t attack until he gets hit 2 times (what if he gets Double Slapped?). Red is confused, which seems to be his default, because he could be defeated in two turns (anyone who’s ever played the games didn’t need two turns to beat Onix), but Brock scoffs at the idea, because he believes in Onix (PFFFTHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!), anyway, Nidoran♂ get’s it’s second hit in and hangs on. Johnny Yong Bosch really turns up the voice acting and yells “DOUBLE THE DAMAGE”, as the phalic Rock Snake uses it’s tail to slam Nidoran♂ into the video board forcing Red to recall it. Brock finishes explaining that Bide allows it to return DOUBLE THE DAMAGE, you know… if it survives. Red grumps, then sends in… Spearow. It flies at Onix who slaps it away with it’s tail. Red recalls Spearow and sends in Rattata who climbs up Onix’s body until getting slapped away, and recalled by Red.

Red becomes the first and last person in the world to insist that Onix is “too fast”, and has Metapod use String Shot to cover Onix in sticky white liquid. Brock gestures wildly and claims that “it” won;t work and Onix breaks out of the String… you know, just like in the game. Red orders another String Shot, but Brock remembers he’s supposed to be ordering Onix to attack and tell him to use tackle, and knocks the shit out of Metapod, forcing Red to recall him.

UntitledRed realizes he only has one Pokémon left, and presses Charmander back into the fight. Apparently watching Onix kick the shit out of Red’s Pokémon worked up quite the sweat for the two trainers who instead just watched on the sidelines and did nothing. Red even thinks this makes no sense, and says he gets’ it. His Pokémon and he are his partners and he feels like he’s taking damage like them. I’m pretty sure his Pokémon who spent the last several minutes getting smacked around by a giant rock snake might have something different to say about that, but oh well.

Brock notes that they’re both almost out of HP, in their convoluted HP system, and the first one to attack should win. Charmander barks at Onix, because why not? Red orders Scratch as Brock orders Tackle. The boy claims that their speed is identical, meaning Red got his hands on the slowest Charmander in the world. And Onix while in mid-air begins hurtling towards the bitch from earlier, who watches as her swift death approaches… until Brock recalls Onix.

Oix’s HP runs out, and the girl wonders why, and a string falls into her hands. It’s Metapod’s. Brock thought Onix tore off all the string, but that one strand made Onix a split-second to slow…

WHAT! THE! FUCK!

ONE! FUCKING! STRING!

ONIX WAS TOO SLOW BECAUSE OF ONE FUCKING STRING!

FUCKING REALLY?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THAT HAS TO BE THE STUPIDEST GODDAMN FUCKING THING I EVER HEARD!

Untitled*ahem* Brock anyway congratulates Red on his stupid fucking victory and awards him the Boulder Badge. He also gives him a floppy disk, because this took place in 1985. It’s TM35 and contains the move “Bide”, since Pokémon are apparently the equivalent to Commodore 64’s and come with floppy disk drives. He can use it to teach the move to any of his Pokémon, or like most people toss it the second he runs out of room for items. The girl asks why he accepted his challenge so soon, and Brock’s answer is that he found him intriguing. When he asled him that question he said he was still looking for the answer, though this may be because he was trying to figure out the best strategy to catch the giant talking Pokémon instead. And when Professor Oak is asked why he choose Red for such an important mission, he insists that it’s because he’s an honest (and stupid) person, but he just hopes that Blue can grow. Unlike Red he is too good, so that makes him arrogant.

Red then thinks to himslef, that he will get stronger. Much stronger… AND HE WILL COMPLETE THE POKEDEX.

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Wanna be the Strongest in the World Episode 1 – An Idol-Wrestler is Born!

Our episode starts with a woman loudly screaming (about as good a start as any) then quickly pans to a shot of her crotch (uhh) She continues screaming until some other bitch tells her she likes the way she screams. She continues until we learn that she’s currently in a Single Leg Boston Crab, unable to do anything. She then releases her, and presses her body over her knees, in a move that’s name I can’t remember. The woman applying the submission holds asks of she;s ready to tap, she then narrates that this is the day everything started.

Untitled

UntitledAfter the OP, we’re taken to an idol competition, where two young hopefuls are competing to see who will be the object of otaku lust, and who will be dropped like yesterday’s news into otaku obscurity. Sounds like a Lose/Win situation. Hagiwara Sakura is apparently kicking the shit out of girl noone knows or cares about. They both talk shit to each other, then do their “finishing move. The votes are in, it’s down to the wire and… Sakura wins. What a surprise. Meanwhile the other gir was SOOOO close at only 120 votes behind.  Welp, see you in hell loser, I say. She puts on a brave face and says that she won’t lose next time, though Sakura has won 4 times, so I’m pretty sure she’;s not worried. They shake hands and have hit the showers, and the other losers start asking Sakura what’s the secret to her Nice Body. They then start playing with her tits, as another girl says it’s the product of eATING YOUR VGETABLES, TAKING YOUR VITAMINS, AND SAYING YOUR PRAYERS, BROTHER. …ahem, she then metions Elena, the loser from before and calls her her rival, and the two weird losers than attach to her and begin groping her tits, too. Only unlike Sakura, she doesn’t seem to quite enjoy it.

In the break room, some importantly dressed woman goes over how the vote was a huge success. She the flops down a stack of books, and the girls complain that she’s a slave driver, because those are all jobs, and they’re idols goddamit, they didn’t get into this job to work. She takes this derision well, and assigns the complainers to Women’s Pro Wrestling. Yeas, it’s a trial for some TV show, or some shit. Her reasoning is solid, it may be dangerous, but it’s pretty popular these days. She relents that they don’t have to do it, and asks if their are any volunteers. Sakura happily volunteers, then Elena angrily volunteers.

Her reasoning is also solid, she doesn’t want Sakura to get ahead of her anymore. Anything Sakura can do she can do better, she can do anything better than her. Sakura is a little worried that they won’t go easy on them just because they’re beginners, Elena then angrily informs her that according to the contract, Berserk (the wrestling company, they’ll be wrestling for) they draw a sharp line between entertainnment and the real fights (wait, real?) fight that are their main draw. The wrestliers are legit athletes (as are most wrestlers) and she doesn’t assume they’ll be nice just for a TV show.

They enter the gym and Sakura says that she can FEEL THE POWER! She then walsk over to a punching bag, pushes it, and it pushers back, knocking her all the way back to Elena’s arms. Elena wats to know why the clearly unprepared Sakura would sign up for this, she then explains that she did it because everyone else was scared,and this could somehow mean something for their talent agency. She apparently puts herself into possibly dangerously stupid situations because she like being with the others, or some such shit.

UntitledElena takes this in quickly, then show her a pose on the top rope. It’s cushinoed so she invites Sakura up, only for some angry women to scream at her, and knock her down.  The angry woman is Kazama Rio. And she’s angry. She calls them clowns, and says that they can’t just “play around” in the ring. Sakura takes it upon herself to apologize… this is Japan after all. Rio angrily tosses Elena aside, for her to ask a stupid question about if the beefy woman, in the wrestling get-up is a wrestler.  Sakura surmises that the ring is a sacred stage for these women.

Later, they go live, a male voice telling them to break a leg (I guess saying “Do your best” is bad luck for stage perfomers, in Japan, too) The girls get stretched out by trainers in the ring, and Elena gives some bullshit about being made to train hard as idols, too. Elena says rather loudly that Pro Wrestling wi way easier than she thought it’d be, and apparently Rio heard, and doesn’t take too kindly to this. Rio says some bullshit about daffodils sprouting out of her ears, which I’m sure sounded better when she thought of it in her head. She then recovers and remarks that she thinks she thinks she can take Pro Wrestling, without taking a move first. Sakura jumps in to her defense, of course we can’t take moves from pros, we’re amateurs, which I’m sure sounded better in her head. Elena takes offense and stupidly proclaims that she will take one of her moves, right now goddammit!

UntitledRio puts Elena in a Camel clutch. Rio then laiughs that she thought Pro Wrestling was easy, huh? What happened to it being easy? She then puts her back into the Boston Crab, and snarks why doesn’t she try putting her in a move? Rio finally releases, s Sakura tells Elena to give it up already. Elena then decides that she doesn’t want to lose to Sakura, so she turns, and tries to Dropkick, Rio, only to be dropped herself. She then tells the “idol bimbos” not to make light of Pro Wrestling. This light’s a fire under Sakura, though.

Before anything comes of it, two chicks we don’t care about gossip outside the gym about the Sweet Diva girls being involved in Pro Wrestling. They hear thumping inside, and go in to find Sakura attempting a dropkick on Rio, only for her to block it… um, who blocks a dropkick? Ever? Anyway, the to trashtalk each other, and as Rio walks away Sakura calls her a Coward. She’s taking revenge for Elena. Rio then says let’s do this for real (for real?) ad challenges her t the next pay-per-view. Sakura quickly promises to kick the shit our of Rio, then realizes she doesn’t have a clue what she agreed to. Oh Sakura.

Apparently according to some nerds, she just got challenged to a Hardcore match, and t’s too hardcore for a idol. Either way, tickes have apparently sold out to the PPV, some guys tell “Mr. President” that they’re out to smash previous attendance records.

Elena apologizes for this getting so out of proportion, and Makoto (the woman who assigned them the jobs) says they planned for this all along as Sakura practices taking bumps. elena takes the full blame, but Sakura tells her not to worry bout it. Sakura couldn’t forgive Rio for looking down on idols, so she had to challenge her, (a seasoned veteran) to a fight that she will be squashed. When this is over, she wants them to go back to “doing their best” as members of Sweet Diva.

UntitledIt’s finally time for the big fight.  as Sakura has a small contingent of creepy otaku cheering for her. Sakura enters the ring, and surprisngly, Rio gets the jobber entrance. Sakura thinks to herself that she kows this is crazy as shit, but her “pride” as an idol wouldn’t let her back down, it also lets her have commisioned body pillows of her sold to creepy otaku, but that’s another story. The in-arena announcers says they’re about to ring the bell o the “fight of the century”, turning the hyperbole up just a little bit.

UntitledThe bell rings, and Sakura irish whips across the ring, and gets Rio into a supplex. As Rio tries to recover, she then runs at her again, and dropkicks her in the face, knocking her into the turnbuckle. The she begins stomping her, believing that she just might be able to do this, then Rio asks if this is all she’s got. Sakura is taken bac, then Rio knees her in the stomach, she then grabs her by the hair, and headbutts her, then puts her in a fireman’s carry and power-bombs her. She then goes for her patented single-leg Boston Crab. We’re then shown the scene from the cold opening. Rio then again goes for the camel clutch, again, this all happened in the opening. She then goes for some move she likely made up on her own, and says it’s perfect for a talentless idol, because she has her legs spread eagle showing the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home. It’s apparently called the Shame Hold, but it looks completely stupid, and highly illogical.

She then releases the move, as people all take pictures of her “like this” and then steps on her back and tell her to “Give Up” in English. She refuses, though. Rio decides it’s time to break Sakura’s convictions… by putting her in another rest hold… yay!

It’s a good old fashioned Sleeper Hold, and apparently it’s her special? Wow, what a shitty wrestler, if a sleeper hold is her special. Sakura repeats that she doesn’t want to lose, and tries to reach for the rope, but apparently passes out. She awakens to see Elena beaming over her, and realizes that Rio is the winner.

UntitledRio declares that it’s time for Sakura to keep her promise, ehat promise? Turns out she challenges Sakura to a Hair vs. Hair match, without her knowledge, but she gives it the incredibly stupid name of a Haircut Death Match. Elena tells Rio to not be stupid, her hair is her everything. However, Sakura has a little ore honour, and decides to take the punishment she didn’t realize she agreed to. She then sits in the chair that came out of nowhere and takes the haircut. She cries that she couldn’t do anything, and decides that this is the end of Pro Wrestling for her. Instead of cutting it bald, she goes for a nice short little ‘do, ans the other bimbos try to cheer her up, by telling her this nonsense is over now.

Rio continues to trash talk the fuck out of the idols, though. and how couldn’t she? Sakura declares that she doesn’t care bout herself, but don’t you dare talk shit about the otaku pandering idol group that she’s a part of goddammit! She wants a rematch! Rio askes didn’t she just learn what true power is? True power is rest holds, without any actual wrestling. Sakura decides that she’ll just have to go pro to make Rio respect her for their rematch.

The shot heard round the world, as Sweet Diva idol declares she’s going full pro wrestler.

RATING: 2 OUT OF 5

Nowhere near as bad as everyone seems to be making it out to be, Rio is a pretty shitty wrestler though, even if their treating wrestling as real over entertainment, no one, and I mean no one likes to see a wrestler do a hundred rest holds over and over again.  The main complaint about the show so far is the bad crotch shot fan service, and the moaning, but these moves are supposed to hurt, therefore, yes, there will be moaning. The crotch shots could go, but that could be said of many, many anime these days. all in all, not a terrible show, though the animation is also bad, if not outright choppy at points. Like when Rio went to apply her Boston Crab on Sakura. Welp, let’s see where this goes.

Posted in Fall 2013, Wanna be the Strongest in the World | Tagged | Leave a comment

Kokoro Connect episode 1 – A Story That Had Already Begun Before Anyone Realized It

What’s this? A new post? Well, it’s about fucking time. But, wait, Kokoro Connect isn’t a Summer 2013 show? Why am i starting a new post, when I have like 4 shows nowhere near completed? Um, I don’t know. This is really to coincide with Sentai’s release of the english dub. And it was a decent show, except for the ending that made no sense, or attempt to explain anything.

We begin with trucking shots, that lead to a house in which a girl informs “big brother” to wake the fuck up, or he’ll be late for school. Then we transition to Kirino-knock-off looking character realizing that “it” wasn’t a dream. As another girl walks in and is told by her mother(?) that’s she’s sorry for being late, and takes a sip of too hot coffee. Then another boy in another house is texting his friend as his father decides to be nosy as fuck and read his text over his showing, the boy quickly runs from his nosy ass father. As boy asked a previously seen girl named Himeko (pronounced Him-ecko”) is she’s going out, as she walks towards the door OBVIOUSLY heading out. She informs the clueless boy that yes, she is in fact heading out. The clueless boy doesn’t take kindly to being told the obvious, and informs her that she’ll never get a man with an attitude like that.

One of the other girls, who looks like she was ripped directly from an episode of K-On, who’s name is Nagase, who unlike Nagase from Free! may or may not be a crack head, slaps “Taichi” on the back to tell him that he’s looking tired, she’s however not, because she doesn’t stay up late watching Pro Wrestling. What a miserable existence she must lead. She then scurries off to say “Good Morning” to Inaba, who casually accuses them of fucking… I mean, walking together to school. Himeko switches gears and says “Good Morning” to Yui (The Kirino rip-off_ and Aoki, Yui currently complaining to Aoki apparently about how she doesn’t want to fuck her brother, but she totally wants to fuck her brother. They says good morning back to Aunt Grandma, and then begin off on… something about the seasons changing.

UntitledAfter the OP, which mentions unstoppable throbbing, we get narration of an incredibly stupid and unenforceable school policy that forces every single student to join a club. This apparently leads to students not giving shits and putting down fake clubs just because, like our narrator who is a part is the Pro Wrestling Society, which doesn’t even exist, though surely he could have joined the Straight Edge Society? Next is brother-fucker, Yui who joined the “Fancy Club” because she like’s cute things, next is Aoki, who watched too many Bernie Mac movies, and tried to join the “Players Club”, and Nagase decided to have her poor overworked techer pick her club for her, because she’s indecisive, and Himeko joined the computer club, told the president of the club to go fuck himself, and went and joined another club, the “Student Cultural Club”, which is code for “Bullshit Club We Made Up Because You Assholes Made Us Join A Club” club.

UntitledHimeko questions Taichi to make sure he has the topic for their next bullshit paper ready. And he does, it’s titled “The History of Brain-buster Drop Methods In Pro Wrestling”. He then begins going into how the Brain-buster is performed, before she shuts him down, she doesn’t really care, she just wanted to know if he had something ready, she didn’t actually want to hear about it. Taichi is saddened. Nagase busts through the door, and is saddened to realize that it’s just Taichi and Inaba. She flops down on the couch and begins smacking her own ass, and slutting it up, as she offers Taichi a peak for 120 yen. I’m not sure what that translates to in American money, but Taichi proclaims that’s a good price, which from a man’s point of view totally means it’s cheap. She then begins rolling on the couch for whatever reason…

UntitledTaichi quickly shifts gears from his slutty friend’s sluttiness to what her next topic for their bullshit essay will be. She concludes that of course they have to add a sexy and dangerous element to their papers (well, they are currently doing a paper on Pro Wrestling, how much more sexy can you get?) Inaba shoots this down, as no one reads their paper for it’s sex appeal, but Nagase wants to spice things up. Inaba refuses to write such smut, because she’s an innocent little girl, but Nagase insist that she;ll write the paper, all Inaba has to do is pose provocatively. Inaba proclaims that she’ll do it over her dead body, which will of course still turn on some people out there.  She passes, and insists that Nagase do it herself, since she’s the prettier of the two. But she refuses herself, and suggests that she stays in the shadows, and make Inaba do it because she’s the more sensual of the two.

UntitledThe two then realize that as high school girls, they’re not quite sure what high school boys want, and then for the first time in a while they realize that they have a high school boy right where they want him. Nagase outright asks him which oe of them would he like to fu… ugh, see naked. The weight of all the boys in the school on his shoulder he decides that the appropriate answer would be… the cop-out answer of both of them. The girls ad this to the minutes as Taichi requesting both girls to strip, respectfully. Meanwhile the last two members trickle in, with Yui twiddling her fingers and looking like she’s just come back from making the biggest mistake of her life. Nagase asks the two who together look like their waiting for the results of the paternity test what’s going on?

UntitledThe boy who’s name I forgot says that he feels they should ask someone else about “this”. they continue rambling, until Inaba insists they get on with it, and spit it out. They respond to her demands with the appropriate fear and Aoki apparently gets constipated and tries desparately to hold it in, however instead of dropping a deuce on the floor screams and admits that their souls traded places! Puzzled the other three respond with “Huh?” He continues to attempt to explain, when Inaba hits Aoki over the head for no apparent reason (HA! BECUZ VIONLENS IZ FUNAY WEN ITS GRRRL ON BOI) She then insists that the pucnhline wasn’t worth it? (but why’d she hit him?) He continues to insists that this is the truth, though. Nagase believes this his way to make up in his mind for constantly being dumped by Yui, though this wouldn’t explain why Yui is apparently going with it, which they clearly are not considering.

Yui however backs Aoki that this is indeed the truth. He begins explaining that he just happened to wake up in the middle of the night, in a strange room, and saw Yui’s face when he looked in the mirror, and then he was himself again. Yui continues that the same happened to her, and in her shock she hid under the covers. However, in classic tsundere fashion immediately after admitting something, she backtracks and says that there’s no way it could be real, even though she just copped to it being completely real. She then blames Aoki for making her apart of his creepy fantasies, despite just admitting that it happened to her. Aoki is stunned that the bipolar girl is now turning on him, and claims that it must have been some sort of nightmare. Completely ignoring the fact that he has no way to make her dream something, he brings up the impossibility of them having the exact same dream, and stuf being the exact same way he proclaimed to have left them when he left her body.

UntitledHimeko and Nagase are intrigued, though. Could this be real? Meanwhile, Yui is curious why it was her and him? Aoki makes up some bullshit about fate, and uses it as an attempt to pick her up. She then runs to Iori (Nagase) and claims that he’s making stuff up, because he has the power to implant dreams in her head. Aoki headdesks at her stupidity, or at least he should have. Inaba slams her hand on the table, and claims that this shit makes no sense, and Aoki timidly claims that it makes no sense to them either.

Nagase has apparently heard the secret word, and decides it’s time to scream real loud, and proclaims that she left her notebook in her classroom. This pisses Inaba off, because she was in deep thought. Nagase asks for permission to get it, because she’s 5 years old and needs permission to leave the room. She’s also club president. The remaining kids gossip about how much of an idiot Nagase is, and Taichi proclaims that it’s time to drink the obligatory club tea, and he’ll even pour Nagase’s cup.  Himeko agrees this is a good… and suddenly desks.

UntitledYes, desks. Nagase is no longer Nagase, and begins feeling up her breasts, affirming that it’s a boy in there. Some girl stops by the class (does she not have a home?) and asks what she’s doing. Nagase suddenly realizes that she’s Nagase. She’s s shocked that she repeats in twice. The girl suddenly teleports and asks if she wants help feeling herself up. The girls’ name is Fujishima, and she wants to fuck! Suddenly Taichi comes running by, Nagase asking if that’s her. Fujishima is pissed, but Taichi says he needs him… he means her. Nagachi and Fujishima have a tug-of-war over Taise Nagataise decides that he has one idea left, and that’s to run up and tickle Fujishima. It’s a stupid plan, but it works.

Taichi/Nagase orders Nagase/Taichi not to do anything weird or perverted in his body, assumedly like jacking herself off in his body, which is kind of a switch, seeing as it would usually be the girl demanding the boy to not do anything perverted in their body. He decides to run away while Fujishima is apparently still feeling the effects of being tickled, while not being tickled, and leg it while Fujishima sits on the floor.

UntitledNagase/Taichi begins explaining what happened, she was looking for her notebook, then suddenly everyone started calling her Taichi so she ran. So they go back to the club room, and explain that hey, they switched bodies. Yui and Aoki begin gossping about Taichi in front of his face(s). Himeko angrily punches the table for some reason. in which Taichi/Nagase snootily retorts that she clearly hurt her hand. Himeko angrily prepares to punch the shit out of Taichi/Nagase, then suddenly goes into NBA Elite 11 Glitch Jesus mode (look it up), and stands with her arms out wide. Aoki then explains that Himeko is impersonating a crewman doing flag semaphore because she was going to attack Taichi’s statement, but for some reason, she refuses to hit Nagase. So, she’ll respond to males with violence, but look like an idiot when a female does the same thing. Her brother was right, she won’t ever get a man at this rate.

Taichi/Nagase derisively comments that she;s never looked happier. Himeko angrily informs Taichi/Nagase that she won’t forget this before stopping herself after calling Nagase Taichi. Nagase/Tiaichi remarks how she tried to stop herself from calling Nagase Taichi, and she insists instead they’re putting on some weird act. So, instead of attacking them both, she restrains herself like a fucking human being. Nagase/Taichi insists that Taichi could never pull off imitating her so well. Taichi/Nagase knows that this sounds weird, but she has to trust them. She then asks what do Yui and Aoki think. Since they went through it themselves, Aoki clearly believes it, and Yui finally grumpily admits that Aoki didn’t somehow magically make her dream what he dreamt. she has to after seeing Nagase and Taichi like this, as opposed to when she herself was in this predicament.

UntitledThis picture adds nothing to the post…

UntitledNagase is pretty laid back for someone who has switched bodies, Himeko gets a headache, and decides to ask again. Then she decides to quiz Taichi on what he knows… She asks what’s the title of the last adult film he ordered from Aoki. “BIG JUGGED HIGH SCHOOL GI–” Taichi belts out, before realizing that Himeko wouldn’t actually know the answer. “Big jugs, huh?” asks Nagase derisively. Embarrased, Taichi asks to whisper it in Aoki’s ear. Aoki confirms that this is correct, and almost jizzes himself over getting to hear Nagase talk dirty to him. Nagase then reflects on if she got hosed, but not in the way the male club members would like. Now that they know both of the male members like big tits (if this is a surprise, they’re clearly not ready for the world out there) Himeko then decides to question Nagase/Taichi. Himeko then whispers something into Nagase/Taichi’s ear, and Nagase/Taichi recoils in horror to find out “that’s” true. Aoki is curious what she told her, but Himeko declares this is ture, and she has to believe them.

Nagase/Taichi wonders what to do now, since she/he can’t rip her pants off and go to town on her new penis. Taichi/Nagase looks at Yui after wondering if time’s a factor… and they switch back! HOORAY! Himeko still doesn’t believe it though. Yui believes that this was just a dream, despite the fact that it wasn’t. and they wonder if it;s a one-time thing, but decide not to tell anyone else, because weird, also they don’t want their families to worry. They then walk off into the sunset, and return to their homes and regular lives, talking to their families and stuff.

And so it was over. And they all lived happily ever after!

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

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Stella Women’s Academy, High School Division Class C3 Episode 3 – Does Enemy Fire Pierce Even the Soul?

The members of C³ ride a bus to the High school Survival game tournament. They all discuss their involvement in the preparations, Yachiyo and Karila pose for a picture, as Yura tiredly goes over hand signals, until she passes out sleep. Sono wakes her to tell her the proper hand-signal for “sniper”. Afterwards she announces that they’re “here”. Here of course being the location of the high school survival game tournament. Yachiyo and Honoka marvel at the amount of people at the tournament, and especially the amount of girls that have joined. Yachiyo whines about how come there aren’t this many girls at their school interested in Survival Games, as Yura kind of hides in the bus doorway. Yura is impressed with the size of the field.

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UntitledAfter the OP, Yura immediately asks of a hot spring, and Honoka and her giant breasts know all about the hot spring. Sono says it’s time to put their markers up. Markers? Yes, according to Rento it’s so they know who’s an enemy, and who’s an ally, because they’re stupid and can’t recognize each other? Either way, they get markered up, and begin going over strategy. It’s capture the flag, but with fake guns. That was easy. Honoka thensuggests that Yura would have an easier time if she tied up her hair for the tournament, we’re then treated to a sequence of the girls putting Yura’s hair up into numerous styles, that she is not that thrilled about. Sono instead gives her the option to just leave her hair as is, and tells her to put something on her. Yura is relieved.

It’s tiem fore the tournament to start and he participating teams are lining up at the gates, Rento tries to bring up the morale by saying “Let’s go for broke”, at which point one of the Sono horribly quips back that they don’t want to break… ughhhhh… and then Yura suggest they go “with guns blazing”. Sono loves it, and thus C³ goes with guns blazing. On the battlefield, Yura is worrying herself blue, at which point Sono who can apparently read her mind assures her she’ll be fine, she’ll protect the flag so Yura can just enjoyed being on offense.

The buzzer rings, and the games begin. Rento launches an airsoft grenade into the air, because such a thing exists, and the opposing team who all decide to stand in one place, realize that it’s coming right for them, and haphazardly run the fuck out of the way. Karila charges forth, while Yura looks about nervously until Rento informs her that she should probably get going. Karila slides into view of one guy, who has terrible aim, as she rushes up the wall, and jumps off, and performs some sort of aerial cartwheel, and “hits” the guy.

Another guy has Honoka and Yura cornered, and Karila takes it upon herself to set a distraction, while the guy blindly shoots after Kari, Honoka gives the signal to Yura that says “He’s distracted, now’s you’re chance to open fire and fuck his ass up”, at least that’s what Yura thinks, as she actually gives the signal for “wait, what are you doing, you’re completely misinterpreting my hand signals”. Yura takes the advantage and blasts at the guy, Honoka turns in shock to see… that he’s been hit. Yura is over the moon, then suddenly thinks it over and apologizes to the man for hitting him, well she is Japanese. Honoka tells her that apologizing isn’t necessary in a survival game, after all they know there’s the potential consequence of being hit, Yura’s Japanese sense takes over and she apologizes to Honoka as well.

UntitledMeanwhile Sono hangs back at the flag as three members of the opposing team come to surround her, she declares that this’ll be fun, and the three advance. Sono grabs the shaft of the gun from a guy who decides that his ranged weapon will work much better if he charges at the opponent, and disorientates him, and shoots up one of the three men. The man who’s gun she grabbed, takes this too seriously and SWINGS THE FUCKING GUN AT HER FACE. She easily dodges and let’s loose a pink beam of orange pellets from her gun (yeah, sure) and “hits” the crazed man.

UntitledUntitledBack at the rest of the battlefield, one man tries to prevent the members of C³ from advancing, Honoka derisively stating that “even” Yura can take the flag, which seems pretty open. Honoka gives the signal for “This guy’s a fucking weakling, get your ass over there and take the flag, he ain’t got shit on you”. Honoka runs ahead to draw his fire (he’s currently firing at Rento) and as he tries to shoot Yura who’s come out of hiding Kari shoots back before he has a chance to, he’s cornered 4-1, probably 5 but Yachiyo doesn’t seem to be present. Yura jumps and the screen goes white… C³ has won thanks to Yura.

UntitledAt the base the girls congratulate Yura on a successful first game, and Yura just glows in the admiration, we’re then shown a montage of the girls fighting other teams, and advancing quickly up the ranks until only two teams remain. The PA announces a one-hour lunch break, Yura whines that they’ve been playing for so long, while Rento apparently misses what she means and declares that each round is only 15 minutes long. They go to the lunch hall and sell us on the deliciousness of Curry, as Rento sets out some sweets. Honoka and her breasts confirm that their next opponents are Meisei Women’s Academy, as Kari groans about it, Yachiyo explains them as being “demonic”. C³ have apparently fought Meisei four times before, and they’ve always ended in a draw, therefore they’ve never beaten them. The leader, Haruna Rin, is also very good explains Rento. Rin was also Sono’s survival game partner in America, Kari says that since she’s never been able to beat her, playing against her is boring, and therefore, she’d never want to play with anyone like her. That sounds like loser talk to me. Yura wonders what she’s like as she takes a swig of her water, and then looses control over it, and almost drops it, she looks about nervously as Sono goes to get more water, Yura volunteers to come with her. On the way, Sono makes a quick restroom break, a first in animation, Yura then fills her bottle, drosp it again, and has it picked up by a mysterious black-haired girl, wearing all black, that she somehow mistakes for Sono. The black-haired girl then suggests that it’s good to see Yura again. An old buddy?

It turns out the girl was actually talking past Yura to Sono, Sono introduces Yura as their new teammate and asks if she thinks she’s cute. The black-haired girl then declares that Sono is too, she then changes her demeanor to say that she’ll never forgive her, as Sono glows happily in her general direction. The girl then turns to walk out, as Yura has no clue what the fuck is going on. After the black-haired girl has turned, Sono’s smile turns to a frown.

UntitledBack on the battlefield C³ goes over strategy, Yachiyo is happy she gets to be an attacker again, instead of a sniper. Their plan is to instead of leaving a team to defend the flag, they’ll all press forth AT ONCE, and surround Meisei. Karila is ready, but Yura tugs her hair, which is a clear sign that she’s completely nervous, and out of her element as far as she’s concerned, but Sono reassures her to not worry about winning or losing, guns blazing and all that mess.
The round starts as Karila and Yachiyo move into position, while Yura considers moving forward she notices an enemy coming from the outersides of the field. She begins wht appears to be an “I got to pee” dance, which confuses Kari, until she shouts loudly that she saw an enemy running on the sidelines. Yachiyo tries to cover Kari who dives out of the way, but Yachiyo immediately shows us why they only allow her to be the team sniper as she’s “hit” and eliminated early. Immediately after Rento’s voices can be faintly heard declaring that she too is “hit”. Yura goes into her own world agsin, imaging the battelfield as a legit battlefield, and thus she’s the rather disturbing image of Rento being shot in the face. She begins cowering in fear as Honoka tells her to snap the fuck out of it, and tells her to  come on.

Harila waits behind an obstacle before Rin (the black-haired girl, duh) as she tells her men to press forward, one of Rin’s men (even though they’re women) tries to flank Karila, but is shot in the face by Sono, but before she knows it, they’ve pulled a pincer maneuver on her, and she’s “hit” by the other enemy. Honoka with Yura is now concerned, they’ll be within distance of their flag soon, but Sono gives her a hand signal that says “I’ll take the crazy bitch with the black hair, you two find something else to do with your time, like get the fucking flag”, Yura is shitting herself declaring that she can;t run “through that”, but Honoka doesn’t allow her to change her panrs, as she declares it’s time to go.

Honoka and Sono set up on a wall surrounded by two Meisei grunts, ans Yura sashays up to a wall behind them all. Suddennly a third member takes aim at Yura, Honoka begins taking fire as the two surrounded them take up aim against them. In what is apparently later, we see Yura beating a retreat and declaring this all her fault, why even Sono is “hit”. The remaining members of C³ ponder why Meisei hasn;t just, you know, taken their flag by now, Yura meanwhile is scared shitless, she knows she can’t do this alone, she overhears of of Meisei’s men tell Rin that Stella is down to one (How close is she?), they Untitledcan easily end this right here, right now, and Yura is relieved, but Rin declares they don’t need the flag, confusing even her own man, as this is “Capture the Flag” after all , the point of which being to capture the fucking flag. But Rin just wants to gun down every last member of C³ for whatever reason. This freaks the fuck out of Yura, they’re going to come looking fer her, instead of taking the very vulnerable flag. She peers out from behind her cover to a sray of bullets, that knock her gun loose from her hand. They know where she is now, and that she’s un-armed. Rin slowly walks in for the kills, preparing to squeeze the hand on her trigger until…

UntitledShe surrenders, she withdraws, she forfeits, she quits, she throws in the towel, she lays down, she taps out, she waves the white flag, but more importantly she quits.

Rin grumpily grunts at her team’s victory (really?), and the buzzer sounds. Kari is surprised that it’s over (she is?), the PA Announcer declares that Stella has withdrawn from the game, apparently surprising Yachiyo, and Rento. As they walk back from the field Rin stops and asks Yura why she didn’t “fight to the end”? Which is completely stupid thing to ask, as she was totally outnumbered, lost her gun, and as such had absolutely no way to win so why even waste her time? Rin tells her some bullshit about the way she’s playing irritates her, as if Yura is suppose to give a fuck what irritates this girl she doesn’t know. She asks her what she’s fighting for? Considering it;s a game, she;s not fighting for anything… this girl is quite daft.

C³ come to meet up with Yura and Karila tells Rin to fuck off, and she does just that. the girls try to cheer up Yura, and ask Sono to say some encouraging words… and she agrees with Rin. She tells her she let her friend’s sacrifices go to waste and ran away… as opposed to letting her friend’s sacrifices go to waste by being totally outnumbered and shoot up. She says that since she can’t fight by herself (while being totally outnumbered) can’t fight with the team – which is a completely fucking stupid thing to say – she then barks to not be afraid of losing (which she did anyway by forfeiting) and to to never do what she did here again, then walks off.

Well, after that shit, it’s hot springs time. Apparently you’ll never see Honoka without her glasses again, so… here ya go.

UntitledUntitledRento exclaims that Honka naked is a sight to see, which is probably a reference to her tits, as Kari makes reference to Yachiyo’s lack of tits, while calling her a shrimp. Sounds of an ass-whopping are heard through the traditional Japanese paper-door, before the girls dive into the spring. Honoka tells Kari not to jump in, and Ksri tells Honoka to pull the stick out of her ass. Rento on the other hand is more concerned about what to do about Yura and Sono who are on the opposite side of the spring and sitting quite far apart. Karila thinks she knows, and dives into the hot water. She then pops out of the water in front of Yura and makes her look at her welts, Yura completely ignores her. Honoka tries a different approach and tries talking to Yura, whle Kari sulks back on the otherside while Yachiyo laughs at her pain. She tells her that “don’t do it again” means she has another chance, and the others completely agree about what they think Sono meant. Yura starts moaning about them having to make a fuss over her, and she apparently tries to drown herself, as she dives under.

UntitledWhile under she ponders that she thought joining C³ would help her change, but figures that’s just putting thid on others, not unlike Sono barkng at Yura to continue fighting even though she was completely out of her element. Unable to go through with her suicide she pops back out, as the members of C³ not named Sonora, stare on confused at what they’re seeing. She starts to tie her hair back up, and remembers some forgettable thing Sonora told her about leaving her hair as is, back when at the beginning of the episode. Yura decids that if she wants to stay with C³, she’ll have to change now, as Honoka is still confused at what she’s seeing.

The next day…

UntitledYura declares that she’ll take survival games seriously. She won’t run anymore. The other members still have no idea what they’re seeing. However, Sonora loves it, she thinks she’s sooooo kawaii <3. Well, Kari decides that they’re really going to “crack down” now, Yura interupts her and declares that she doesn’t want any nicknames, just call her “Yura”, and the episode ends with her declaring that she’ll “do her best”.

UntitledRATING: 3 OUT OF 5

Well, I don’t quite understand Sonora’s bizarre “you let our sacrifice go to waste” bit, seeing as she was totally outnumbered, and was going to lose either way. Rin, I get, because she’s fucking insane but at the end of the day, it’s just a game, how “seriously” is Yura supposed to take it. This may be a way for her to tell Yura not to be too scared of what was going to happen, as she was shitting bullets, but the drop in her voice just made absolute no sense.

It does seem reasonable that the other girls can’t stand Rin’s way of playing, Karila even admitting she’d never want to play with someone like her, it’s just mechanical, while they’re out there obviously to have fun, but rin’s style of play is to clearly just destroy the other team, and not even make a play for the flag. I still don’t quite understand What Sonora’s problem was (even from the future) but we’ll see where this goes from here, maybe.

Posted in Stella Women’s Academy High School Division Class C3, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment

Day Break Illusion Episode 3 – Voices of Condolence

Last week we discovered that Akari brutally murdered her cousin, and no one cared, because they were all made to  forget, then Akari remembered, and this is apparently the norm for students at Sephrio Fiore. She was also assaulted by a horny lesbian named Luna, who’s powers involve the Moon (duh) and pantyhose jizzing (gross). This news disturbs Akari (not her lesbian teammate, though she is a bit of a creeper) and she runs off to  a dock and suddenly sees a man standing on a ship,  emanating a dark aura getting ready to murder a father and son with the ship’s mast. The man does a weird jig and the wind picks up, and the mast shivers, while the father holds his son to protect him from the scary blowing air (d’awww). Akari stands and watch, and remembers her murdered cousin again, until the mast breaks clean off and dives straight for the two.

UntitledUntitledAfter the OP. The Mast continues to fall, and Akari helpfully softly mumbles for the two to “look out”, as the father sheilds his son from impalement, instead of… you know… moving out of the way, it’s blasted away as if by magic or something, and lands slightly to the side of them. the father takes his son and legs it, as Akari in magical girl forme, fights an incredibly stupid looking ship monster, which blasts it’s wood at her. In the real world parts of the ship’s masts come apart and fly in the direction Akari is in in the magical world, all while looking really stupid. Akari continues to beat off the ship’s logs with her stick, until she hears a voice asking for help and is distracted long enough for the ship to send out a tendrill and grab her leg… uh oh. Fortunately, it only throws her into the red sea below (slightly to the right?) of them, which she flies out of, and prepares to destroy with her copyright-friendly light-saber.

UntitledAnd then she remembers Fuyana. Again. And pauses before attacking a body that is wrapped in a bag, and is hung on the monster ship’s mast shooting orifice. A terrible flaw in design. She stops herself from attacking letting the Daemonia grab her with it’s rope like tendrils and waits for it to kill her… until she’s saved by two people we’ve never met before. The two kindly and loudly announce themselves as Priscilla and Mel, Mel uses power of the Magician to shoot objects at the ship, and Priscilla uses Restrain to place a giant cage around it. Meanwhile Akari hears what it apparently the Daemonia proclaim that it hurts. Priscilla then throws knives into the air that form a giant dagger, and charges with the power of the Fool (well, that explains her hair). She charges the Daemonia preparing to finish it off for good, until Akari stops her, as she was apparently going slow enough that her momentum didn’t impale the Daemonia anyway.

UntitledPriscilla asks if Akari knows what she’s doing as Akari remains stoic and silent, then suddenly the very nice boat teleports away (nice trap jerks) and the girls are all teleported back to the harbor. Monster boat having now beat an escape, Priscilla grabs Akari and demands to know how she will take responsibility for this, because what if it hurts more people? Akari doesn’t answer, only grunts, and Mel backs Priscilla down, much more chipper about the murder boat that’s now running free and instead insist they’ll just destroy it next time. Akari finally grunts out words and asks if she’ll be taken back, they reply that yes, she in fact will. Etia’s words are absolute, Akari being a little shit says no, pissing off the short-tempered Priscilla, however the still more chipper Mel insists they have no other choice, while Akari’s derisively looking away Mel sneaks electrified handcuffs on her, that she apparently kept in like her purse or something, making Akari a sight for Luna’s sore-eyes.

Back at Sephiro Fiore, Ariel reads Akari the riot act by telling her that by leaving the organization she can no longer escape Daemonia, and that by fighting alone she’ll just die pointlessly. Akari says she doesn’t want to kill anyone, even incurable monsters, who are pre-destined to slaughter the innocent, Ariel points out that by fighting the Daemonia they’ll be saving lives, like the father and son that she saved from the Daemonia that she let get away, that is probably murdering someone else right now, if not the same father and son. Akari continues that she wants no part, but too bad it’s her destiny.

At a graveyard, the talking Raven flies in from the night’s Plutonian shore, and quoth “Akari is back. She defended a Daemonia, what are you going to do about it?” said the thing of evil, perched upon the tree branch. Etia flinches. Akari is apparently thrown in the dungeon, until, and she apologizes. The freaky triplets are snitching to everyone (well, her team, but likely to others as well) as the red one tells Ginka to shut the fuck up. Ginak’s having a hard time figuring out why she’s being jailed, Seira points out that because she ran away, though Ginak thinks this is a bit of a harsh punishment for just running away, while Luna wonders if she’s OK aloud, and if she’ll be allowed her conjugal visit in her mind. Etia soon emerges and insists that it’s time for the strategy meeting. Etia shows some shots of multiplying cells, that are related to the daemonia, no new information, the Daemonia outbreak however is hovering around a staggering 0.005%, and in the next two weeks, they could have trouble as dormant Daemonia in that small number range awaken, they need to get this impossible measurement down to 0.003% however.

Seira asks if they can detect Daemonia before they hatch, however they cannot. It’s human thoughts get in the way, making any and all dormant pokemon untraceable. Ginak groans that this may cause them to be late, but Ariel is having none of this insisting to her that since they are basically in the business of murder, so they have to be on the one the mark so as to not senselessly kill some random innocent. Seira grunts that she wants to eliminate them effieciently, not wanting innocent humans to die, likely refering to the humans that the Daemonia take over. Areil again explains that there is absolutely without a doubt no other way to deal with the Daemonia, once they take over a human, then everything that made them human is gone. So don’t feel bad about killing them, it’s the only way.

In a rather luxurious bed for a dungeon, Akari  again goes over remembering the time her Mom snatched the deck away from her, getting every ounce out of their money’s worth of those flashbacks animations as possible, she then flashbacks to more previously used animation as she remembers the Daemonia begging for help. Inn case you missed it 10 minutes ago. She sits up wonders if that was the Daemonia she heard, and in more recycled animation remembers Fuyana again, and begins crying.

At breakfast (or lunch) the three girls wonder what Akari’s going to do. Will she quit? Well, even if she does that doesn’t change for them insist Seira, they’ll just continue to fight without her, because her indesicive-ness will just hold them back. Luna wants her to stay for obvious reasons, then Seira points out that they are putting their lives on the line, and she could become a major liability. Ginka tries to lighten the mood, by saying that she’s just in it for the reward as Luna goes to get her conjugal but disguises it by saying she’s bringing her food, Ginak pointing out that the perverted little girl is quite assertive when it comes to Akari. Like jumping in bed with her when she’s asleep, huh?

UntitledIn the dungeon Akari lays on the bed as Luna brings her two sandwiches, Akari’s tarot cards have been strewn about the floor,and Luna seeing opportunity runs to pick them up, while getting a great look up Akari’s skirt. Later, after collecting them akari and Luna sit on the bed as far apart as possible, as Luna holds her hands in her crotch to hold herself in. She pushaes the sandwich plate toward Akari, being extra careful not to remove her other hand. As Akari begins eating, Luna begins with her life story. Three months ago when she joined, she was put into this exact same cell as well, she also feared fighting Daemonia. Ginka and Seira had been their before her for 6 months already, so they were just fine without her. Akari ells Luna that she heard their voices, but even in Luna’s love-struck “agree with anything they say” mindset, she has a hard time understanding just what exactly this means.

Elsewhere as the Sun sets, two young boys are playing on a swingset, laughing and just enjoying life without a care in the world, because they don’t have to have jobs, or pay bills. The man from earlier stands and watches them, then emanates with aura and prepares for the kill, as a Police Officer on a bike tells the two boys it’s time to head home. Since as they’re kids they also can’t stay out whenever they want. A major downside of childhood. Back at sephiro Fiore, Seira does 200 push-ups with her legs elevated on her bed, Ginka talks to her Father about how the pay is good, and how they’re fighting for justice, while Luna vacantly stares at the Moon and flashbacks to a time when a bunch Untitledof shadow people in a dark room talk of using her as bait, because she’s damaged goods. They then all laugh heartily at the prospect of using the sexually frustrated little girl for their own needs. Because they’re very apparently evil. She’s however told by Serena Onee-chan, which I assume is her full government name, that she’s not damaged goods. As Luna reaches out for her hand it disappears and behind her the love of her life appears, as Akari holds out a hand amidst a lighted background as back in the real world she reaches her hand up into the air.

In the dungeon Akari has now moved from using animation scenes to re0using audio clips as she remembers the thing Luna told her earlier. Akari claims that she will never forget, as we’re shown Fuyana, aain as she clutches her cards to her chest. In the morning, Akari has requested an audience with Etia and Deputy Director Ariel. She tells them that she heard the voice of the Daemonia, or more accurately, the voice of the person who became the Daemonia asking for help. Etia and Ariel gasp, but the triplets who are there for whatever reason are quick to refute this as impossible. Ariel backs them up and says that the Daemonia are not human, therefore they cannot have voices and cannot be saved, and tells her to stop feeling sorry for them. Killing them is the only thing that has ever worked and it shall continue to work.

Akari’s not willing to back down from her point and insists that she’ll find out on her own, and until then she will be a willing participant in the battle. So, they let her go. Luna and Ginka rush up to find out what happened, but Seira threatens that if she lets the side down, she’ll kick her ass. Etia and Ariel talk over if what Akari claims is even possible, Etia isn’t sure enough to say one way or the other.

Somewhere a nursery aids walks a bunch of kids in a hotel laundry bin for some reason as they all sing about the choo-choo train. It’s almost enough to make me become a Daemonia. The man who almost killed the kids from earlier looks on in horrror.

Akari and Luna discuss Akari’s coming back to the team, Akari begins on not being sure what she’s going to do as Luna sneaks a look at her ass.

UntitledThe kids meanwhile are singing a Japanese version of “The Little engine That Could”, as the man walks up behind the nursery-aide. The girls run into action as she walks the kids througha set of train tracks… a very inconvenient way to freight pre-schoolers. While in the middle the train’s gates fall, and a wheel of the bin get caught between tracks. The kids begin crying, finally realizing what their stupid teacher has gotten them into. The train comes the fuck out of nowhere, and prepares to murder the kids in the prime of their lives. The train transforms into Cthulhu, but Ginak holds back Cthulhu train with her sheild, as the aide takes the children out of the dirty clothes bin. The boat monster is also here? Seira and Luna fightit, as Akari hears it beg for help, while it inks on the ground. We’re shown the Fuyana scene again, in case it hasn’t sunk in yet. Seira asks what the fuck’s up, as Akari says she’s going to listen to the monster (what happened to the train?) then Seira shoots at her, splitting her cheek. She says that if she gets in the way she won’t hold back. She then holds out her hands to block the Daemonia, as she attempts to kill Akari, Luna activates her power and…

UntitledLuna is down for her bitch, says that she believes in her. Akari takes the time to transform to normal and listen to the Daemonia, while Ginka fights Train Cthulhu by herself. Inside the boat monster’s flashback we see the man, and what is apparently his son. he was killed in some unseen accident and transformed into a pool of blood, and the man was apparently told that murdering children would bring his own child back. Obviously this didn’t work. The monster claims that he doesn’t really want to harm children. Meanwhile Train Cthulhu finally presses past Ginka’s shield, and Seira breaks free from Luna’s sick fetish, and the boat monster begins thrashing about again. In the real world, the nursey-aide apparently still standing on the tracks despite all the time she’s had, watches as the train begins charging forth again. She shields the last child, instead of, you know, running, and the monster asks for Akari to kill it. As seira begins to do the honours, Akari obliges the Daemonia’s wishes, and the train skids to a halt right at the nursery-aide, who didn’t even try to move out of the way, and despite the fact that the momentum should have killed them anyway.

Later she tells Etia that she’s found her own answer, in a way. She doesn’t like it, but this is just the way things are. Fuyana’s death would be in vain if she just ignores it, even though no one any longer know who or what the fuck a Fuyana even is anymore. Etia tells her to follow what she thinks is right, as Seira just glares at her from out her window. The Raven and Cat are interested in this development and decide to use her as a Guinea Pig.

RATING: 2 OUT OF 5.

Ehh.

I figured out what about this show rubs me the wrong way. It’s a bit too ambitious in the wrong way. They were so quick to kill off Fuyana in episode one that despite seeing her corpse three-to-four times the past 3 episodes, no one cares. she didn’t add anything to the show, her and Akari were barely shown interacting, she just suddenly becomes jealous then murdered by Akari. Also, Luna’s little allegory for why she’s so attached to Akari makes little sense as well. I can accept that Luna has a huge crush on Akari enough that she wants to hop in bed with her, but that whole flashback sequence again, makes no sense. It wold probably work better if it were reversed, Akari being thrown into a world she has no knowledge of, feels alone and see’s Luna holding her hand out to help her.

That makes more sense because Luna has actively been more instrumental in helping Akari adjust to the place, even sharing her own story of when she first joined Sephiro Fiore, but Akari hasn’t really done much of the like for Luna. How could she? Luna is obviously more versed in how the place, and their roles as murder… magical girls work.I also dropped it a number, because while I appreciate Akari realizing that hey, maybe there’s another way, all this PLUS Akari just going out and killing the thing anyway over-powered what good the show had.

This show wants to tell it’s story, but it’s really rushing itself, it’s like the reverse Flowers of Evil, where they stretched the story out so much that by the end of episode 13, they had to resort to begging to be supported for season 2, because look at all this cool shit that could happen then, it’s more than has happened since episode 7, even.

Posted in il sole penetra le illusioni ~ Day Break Illusion, Summer 2013 | Leave a comment